A
female
age
36-40,
*babyhavnababy
writes:So I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and I am dating my older brothers best friend who I have had a crush on since I was a kid. He tried really hard and was a prince when we first started dating. Well that ship has sailed and he can be a serious asshole. Anytime he is mad at me he always swears at me and is really mean. He hardly ever goes to work ( he works for his mom) and when he does she just gives him the cash for that day and he spends it. He has abit of a cocaine problem but has promised to stop using when I am 12 weeks ( ya right ) I am terrified that I have become pregnant with someone who is going to make my life a living hell. When he drinks he is an extra big asshole...I know he will be a good dad but he is doing nothing so far. He knows im extra emotionally and easily aggitated now and its like he intentionally tries to push my buttons.Any advice on my extremely lengthy question?
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best friend, crush, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Listen I really don't want to add any more of a burden to what you already have so please take this in love: You need to know that your worth more, and that your baby is worth more than a guy who is waiting until what he believes is " last call" on his son or daughters life. I'mwith wholeheartedly the person who made the comment above to find support, a group that can be a support and also hold you accountable. Accountability is a good thing, it may seem like judgement at first untill you know that people really do care for you. My prayers are with you!!
A
female
reader, latina1982  +, writes (10 January 2009):
Well girl I am 11 weeks and I have the same problem you do my boyfriend was the best to for 2 years we were so kool know that i am pregnant I feel that he is pushing me away and stays away from me, He smokes mariguana and he has a part time job that sucks he gets like 20-25 hrs a wk and he spends all his money on his drug just like your he prommised he would stop when I turn 4 months but I dont bealive it know he tells me that i am going to get big and does not want to have sex with me I dont know I just want to leave him but its hard...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Get some real support now! And by real support, I don't mean from this loser bf. Get support from your family and get support from professional sources. Oh, and how on earth is he going to have the baby taken from you? Courts tend not to want to give babies to cocaine users, no matter how nicely their mom is doing in business (suggestion, get evidence or log his drug abuse if you can in case this a-hole does try and drag you into a custody battle). The fact that he is using threats to keep you in this relationship is another bad sign and another reason (if you needed one) to get out.
He's not good for you, he's not good for a child to be around (I shudder at him coaching children seeing as though he has aggression and drug issues!), so if you can't face abortion and adoption isn't something you want to consider either, then get ready to fly solo with your little one, because tough as it will be, it'll still be better than being with this idiot.
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (26 June 2008):
 I am sorry to hear that
Your BF sucks (sorry) and it will most probably will never be a one happy family (sorry for beeing so open) ..drugs change people ..
there is no such a "little" cocaine addiction! He is addicted to drugs! He is a loser! You will end up beeing alone with the baby and all that comes with it, if you dont change your BF right now, if its still time!
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A
female
reader, gbabyhavnababy +, writes (26 June 2008):
gbabyhavnababy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and yes I have been to the doctor, and the first thing I mentioned was the drug use.
The doctor said that aslong as I was not using drugs ( which I definately am not) then it would have no affect on the baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Where the hell is your brother in all of this? It's his niece/nephew so you'd think he'd be willing to say SOMETHING to his best friend. Guys that age are terrified when the learn they're gonna be a dad. They just don't feel ready. It's possible that he would get so scared that he'd intentionally drive you away so he wouldn't have to be responsible for the kid. If it looks like he's doing that just tell him its ok you don't have to see your kid & to just leave you both alone. He'll probably get angry but in this situation you have to be objective. He gets angry & does drugs = no relationship. It can be that simple.
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female
reader, gbabyhavnababy +, writes (26 June 2008):
gbabyhavnababy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond to my question.
Unfortunately I do not think an abortion is in the cards, I just do not think I can do that.
I am 21 my boyfriend 25.
I know it most likely will not work out with us and I will be a single mom but he always says he will get the baby taken away from me?
Everyone is right though I am waiting for a miracle that most likely will never come.
The only reason I say he will be a good dad is because he is a very loving person, especially with children. He coaches 3 soccer teams all under the age of 16, and is great with all of them especially the under 5's.
But who is to say he wont start taking his anger out on the child too? I know I have made a massive mistake, I wish someone could tell me he is going to grow up and you guys are going to live happily ever after...but obviously that is impossible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): I have empathy with you; a difficult situation you are in right now; have you been to your doctor; you should diclose to them that this guy is using cocaine; it can have an affect on your unborn baby; they might have to do test to see if there is any defects; it does not sound if you can really rely on this guy for help and support; you will have to be strong and do what ever is necessary to take care of yourself;
I URGE you to disclose the cocaine to your doctor; it is very important;
Be strong and do what is best for you; let him be!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 No advice, just a question. When are you going to grow up?
"I know he will be a good dad but he is doing nothing so far."
In 6/7 months you will be a mother, playing time is over.
He is a drugs addict, with a drinking problem who sponges of his mother and he has anger issues.
Exactly what the hell makes you think he will be a good father? I hate to think what you would consider a bad father.
Playing the "oh my bf will change if only I love him enough" game is bad enough but with a kid on the way you don't have time to wait for a miracle to happen.
Since it might be too late to have an abortion, get ready to be a single mom OR to have to worry about both a baby and a bf with whom the only thing you can count on is that you can't count on him.
Best of luck, you are going to need it.
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