A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has a female friend whom he often goes out runing with. They have been exchanging dirty texts and jokes for the past year which I have expressed my disatisafction over however my husband continues to send and receive such texts. Recently I discovered several suggestive innuendos relating to these text messages, goading and daring one another, accompanied by fliratious suggestions.I confronted my husband (and this woman) about this and both deny that it is anything other than platonic banter. However I am extremely hurt and dismayed by this. I feel I cannot trust my husband as I feel that had I not have intervened the two of them would have embarked on an affair.Please could I have your advice and views on this?
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female
reader, sugarplum101  +, writes (24 September 2009):
If you have expressed your dissatisfaction with the situation then yes it is cheating. He is your husband and has no business engaging in behavior that is hurtful to you. You told him it bothered you and that you were uncomfortable with it so it should have stopped. Anything less is disrespectful. Obviously you must have had some reason that you felt mistrustful or you wouldn't be going through his text messages in the first place. So this is probably a many layered problem. I think marriage counseling is in order. A third party to help you both look at this situation from the others persons point of view can be very helpful. If you don't trust your husband, your marriage cannot be successful. Best of luck you you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): this is anuthing but platonic. and don't let either one hoodwink you into believeing it is. whether it is text cheating, any emotional affair, or even something physical while out running - you will never truly know- but you need to know that it was INAPPROPRIATE conduct between the two. put a stop to hubby and his female buddy going running together. NOW. THEY need to stop all "harmless" playful sexual banter. NOW. you be strong and you do not let up and just be adamant. its either HER OR YOU. he must choose. (don't expect him to toe the line first time, expect some resistance and even him sneaking around with her). good luck.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (20 September 2009):
 Don't worry about her.. Your husband is responsible to you - because he is Your husband.. I have known of married couples who take long walks together .. seems to bring romance and togetherness into their relationship... Could you take her place? If you are too upset and hurt to do this - perhaps you could start by walking by yourself?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): Thanks for your replies, most helpful in re-afirming what I alreasdy thought.
What do you think about me confronting her husband and asking him to check her texts?
Maybe he's aware that she sends jokes, but to the extent of sexually explicit inuendoes and flirtatious goading and daring oneanother!"!However, if she's got any sense whatsoever, she'll have deleted them once I confronted her!!
I just feel that, although my hubby may of instigated the conversation and suggestions more, she went along with it flirting and suggesting liaisons, ....( gawd, shivers through my bones!!) she was loving the chase and the 'boosting of his ego', probably cos she knew she could. BITCH.....oiw, ow, ow, I'm so hurt.
I want her to have some anguish too...I did nothing wrong...tried to keep relationship alive, but he pushed me away, why couldn't he tell me something missing before looking elsewhere? please help me through this.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (19 September 2009):
Suggestive innuendos can lead to other things.. I always think that wives should have plans for a means of having their own income, in case the marriage ends.. It seems that if a woman has the potential of being self supporting, it is easier for her to tell her husband the expectations for their marriage. Matthew 19:6 says: "What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder". It is best that your husband and his friend do not resume their relationship..
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A
female
reader, swtbgirl +, writes (19 September 2009):
Personally I think something between them has either already happened or will if they make the opportunity. If you have expressed your feelings to both of them and they still continued, maybe you should look further. Does he have a computer? Do you see the cell phone bill? Is she single or in a relationship too? What about your sex life at home? Is there someone you are engaging in the same things with that makes your husband think this is okay? I think all of these are important questions. If there is something on the surface, do yourself a favor and dig deeper. You may find the answers you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): hi there, i have a male friend who i have a bit of a crush on. he has a gf of 11 years and i have a bf of 3 years. we do text, message and facebook each other and flirt- but this has been going on for 4 years. he would never cheat on his gf- and i would never cheat on my bf. I like it because it gives me a bit of a boost, a laugh, and gives me that sense of excitement you dont get in a long term relationship. i would never go out with this man, nor him with me- we are too similar, but the similarities are what fuels the banter. thats all it is, banter. i wouldnt suggest that this relationship between your husband and her isnt platonic in the strictest sense- but there is a huge difference between text flirting and doing something face to face. you know your husband though, and you know if this is in character or out of character for him. I respect my bf enough to stop if i was asked though- and it doesnt seem as if your hubby does respect you. also my bf kinda knows we chat and joke- i don't hide it from him. it depends also upon whether your hubby HID this from you, and you found out. that is a lot worse.
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A
female
reader, HOLLEE Price +, writes (19 September 2009):
at the VERY LEAST ....out of respect for you and your marriage... your husband needs to sever all communication with this woman! a man once told me ..."there is No Such thing as a Platonic relationship" i dont know if this it true or not, but i do know that no good can come from the relationship that your husband is having with this other womanand i know that it is hurtful to you and if he loves you he needs to act accordinglyand I also know ...without a doubt, that you know ...deep inside what is going on...you feel the danger....its your intuition talking to you. We often tel it to be quite, because if we listen we have to act...and the act may mean change, or it may be very painful.dont ignore your spirit, and dont let him lie to you anymore!
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A
female
reader, L*  +, writes (19 September 2009):
tell your husband that he has got to stop sending texts. otherwise you're going to end up distrusting him and in trouble. I do understand your thoughts and you're right, this woman should find another man to send texts to ,not a married man.
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