A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its my first relationship and I came to find out 25 days back that my gf of 9 months cheated me in starting months, with her ex.i got disturbed and still continued with the relationship. but last night, we had a disscussion about this cheating.. and she came up with really depressing words...there are many but Below are the few things in her conversation which hurted me most...1) She quarelled "what do you think of yourself? my ex-BF was far better then you, he understood my feeling quite well and yeah, quite well then you." SHe gets emotional and changes her tone; lowers down her voice and cried with wet eyes "I dont know why did i left him, he was such a nice man at least nicer then you". she shouts "you aren't the only person in this world. i've seen many like you. you don't know how to deal the relationship. forget my ex even my friends are far better then you"2) she ofen gives me example of her Girl friends whose boy friends accepted them even after cheating and he shouts at me "Look at her, her boy friend happily accepted her, then why not you, who are" this and that and those... (I told her a lot many time that... every relationship is diffrent and should be delt diffently and asked a lot many time to stop comparing us with others and just say what do you expect of me)3) she added in her aquarell, "god saved me that i didn't further moved my relationship with you. no one cares of your points and your way of looking.you are free to take you own path"4) SHe shouts "You can quit any time. I won't even bother about you. no have no rights to speak anything about me or my ex. I can tolerate only my mom and dad speaking ill in this matter but not you. after all who are you?"5) "I used to think we are together forever but now its quiet clear to me that I wasted much of my time with you."6)she said "at first it was diffrent but now I seriously think "You don't even deserve the girl like me. we are not at all compatible, it would be better if you walk your own way and end the things"7) SHe said "I know and i accept i am cunning but at least not as much as you are. you lay down your sweet words in such a way that it sounds huh..."8) "why don't you do me a favour and leave me alone"I stayed quiet and went sentimental and i thought are there words really for me.she accuse me that i've been irritating her about the cheating she did on me, since so many days.I accept this chrage, but....I felt like losing self respect. it hurted me so much that i started to think "Am i really so much self-centered guy that she accuse me of?"Today morning she called and told me sorry and said everything came out of my mouth because i was in the state of anger.Quiet practicaly i pretended "it's ok" so as to ignore the quarell session, and start everything all over again as it used to be.I used to treat her like goddess and had intense respect for her, we had lovely relationship but after comming to the reality that the person she pretending wasn't the one she really is but someone else and not the girl with whom i fall in love with. My perspective about her has totally changed.But Now i know what exactly she thinks of me. she pretended to be some one who she wasn't. I love the girl she pretended in the starting 7 months, but knwowing the reality of the lies i am bit irritated.but still i am pretending that everything is fine. thinking that someday everything would be actually fine.In one hand she says all such things to me and in other hand she says i can't live without you, you are this that those bla bla bla... but i think everything she says is nothing but a sort of pretending.This is my First relationship of my life. i used to stay away from relationship because of all these things like cheating.I'm a kind of guy who stays busy with my career in a very diciplined way, and due to all such things My career is getting affected and i am unable to concentrate in my career field.I am wishing if everything can get as it used to be as it was in the starting 7 months of our relationship.I intensely love girl inside her but not the new one, which she is.Since Its my first relationship i am a kind of introvert, and lack prudency in this field.I am getting mentally tortured in this relationship...and don't know what to do...Please help me what should i do?1) SHould i walk my own way and mutually end the relationship giving it a happy ending without any ugly look?or2)Keep on wishing if we can get back to old days?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (19 September 2009):
 no one changes
A
female
reader, Lana_love_good +, writes (19 September 2009):
 It seems to me like she is confused. The situation your girlfriend is in, I was in. From my perspective, I don't think she truely understands how important you are to her. She maybe use to getting the guys, but there is something the compells here to stay. However, I believe that if you were to end it for a while, she will come around. Now when you do end it, you have be angry, you have to show her that you are done, and you have to stick with it, even though that's not how you feel. Indulge yourself in your work, to keep your mind off of her, but don't let her know that you still care. If this girl really cares about you, she will realize that she is still the same girl, but she was up on her pedestal and arrogant and took you for granted. The day she comes back to you, be wary, because actions speak louder than words. Sometimes you have to show the person how you feel, by playing the same game they play, if you truly love her. I hope this helps. And I commend you, for wanting to make it work with her. My ex was very similar to you, except he kept his feelings to himself, and I was not aware that that was how he was feeling until it was too late. I love him so much and think about all the shit I did to him, and how much I've changed, and how much I can fix him, but he wont give me a chance. That is my darkest lesson, and hopefully it wont be to late for her. You seem like a very kind man. Good luck.
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