A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 6 months now. We have known each other through work for 3 years prior to getting together. We have an awesome relationship but there is something that still haunts me after 6 months, and that is the number of people she has slept with prior to me. We are both in our mid 20s, I myself have slept with 6 women in total spanning over ten years, and my girlfriend confided in me and admitted to sleeping with 30+ men, most of which were when she was younger and went off the rails a bit (she was involved in drugs, mixed with the wrong crowd etc).I'm aware that this 30+ figure she's given me is likely to be higher, as typically women play down on their number, whilst blokes play up on their number. Out of the 30+ men, only 2 were in a relationship with her, the other 28+ were one night stands or f**k buddies. The majority of them were older men, say mid 30s to late 40s. I have never had a one night stand or a f**k buddy, and I can't help but feel inexperienced compared to her in the bedroom, and i'm worried about not being as experienced and good at sex/foreplay as these older men. I believe I may be suffering with 'retroactive jealousy', as sometimes I imagine what she has had done to her and how much she enjoyed herself with these other men. We don't have much of a sex life at the moment, as we both live with our parents until we can find somewhere to rent. She doesn't like to talk about this sort of thing, so i'm asking for your advice guys/gals... Any help or advice greatly appreciated!
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drugs, jealous, older men, one night stand, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Yep, its our generation dude!
I'm sorry to say, but women get far more encounters and opportunities than men do by a very long shot. I mean we are the ones who have to make the moves right? At least thats what the "rules" seem to be for some stupid reason.
I would'nt even bother about it. thats her past and your her present and future at the mo ... after all there must be a reason why they did not last. How long have you been with her now, one month? or one year?
Also, id be suspicious that its all talk just so you don't fall to quick. On the other hand its not an attractive thing when a lady brags about her past sexual encounters ... especially to her boyfriend.
Sounds to me she wants to be the boss.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Okay. Well, this is YOUR generation, dude. It is obvious that sexual freedom (or indiscretion) has reached a point that many of you may have to deal with this issue of young women who have already been extremely active.
Now in my 60s, I remain forever grateful that there were a quite a few such adventurous young women during the 1960s and 70s, when I was young and just as randy. But although your youthful environment is no longer my realm, I think that I can understand your plight. Personally, I never married one of the "playgirls", but enjoyed every one I could find. lol.
First thought: If you complain to her about this, as you apparently have already, then you will likely lose her. Why? Because she knows that she cannot change her past. So, if you continue to fret over it, then you are not her future.
Second thought: Accept it or not, because you cannot change her past either.
Third thought: At some point in your life, you may arrive, as I have, to the realization that, "I don't give a damn what she has previously done or experienced, she is now my woman and we totally make each other happy."
That's really all that matters in the long run, but I can understand that it is a difficult realization at your age. I'm extremely impressed with her apparent degree of honesty, even if reserved. That's one virtue.
DoubleM
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 I'd say 30+sexual partners for anyone in their 20's is an extremely high number. It suggests a total lack of self control; someone who seeks approval, or love in all the wrong places, using all the wrong tools, ends up getting used and tossed aside because most men do not value a woman who is that easy. She's extremely easy. No guesswork there. No challenge, no effort. If anything you should feel sorry for her. She probably has self esteem issues, and lacks confidents and security. She uses sex as a tool to get attention, although it usually doesn't keep a man forever if there's nothing else. Maybe you can be the turning point in her life. I wouldn't get too hung up on the experience she's had; most of it is probably a drunken blur. Just be yourself and if you genuinely love her, then this is probably what she's been trying to find all along. Try not to obsess and don't bring it up anymore. It's probably best if you both start fresh.
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