A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 22 year old male from TX. I've had relationships with women in the past, but never went past kissing, as pathetic as that sounds. People are trying to break me and say I'm gay. I admit, I am aware I do have an attraction for men, but I can't see myself living gay, because I still can't help but look at women in a sexual way. I always had anxiety, and OCD issues, or who is watching me (paranoia issues). I feel performance anxiety, and HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), is playing a part into why I can't perform with women. Every time I try to perform with women, I get the thought “am I hard” and I'm not, I been thinking this for years. I never had a sexual experience with neither gender, meaning to climax. I always had a low sex drive, and I am currently going through depression. Because I've been going through depression, I haven't been going out much, making people think I'm even more gay. My self-esteem is at an all time low. I currently don't have insurance so any feedback or similar experiences would be great to hear. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree, I'm looking into government insurance programs right now. Thanks again! I'll keep an update.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Your health is important (mental and physical). If you do not have insurance at the moment, you may want to seek out any government subsidized health programs in your state that help low income citizens.
From what you described, you would benefit from talking to a professional counselor who has experience with sexuality issues/childhood abuse.
Now is the time to take control of YOUR health and work on it. If you are too embarrassed to address it with a professional, it will never get better and your future relationships will always be effected.
If you want to heal-be proactive in your own care.
Best Wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ RedAthena, I do agree that I should get my hormones tested, something I also have had in mind for a while, but was too paronoid to go, when I had insurance.Looking back at my sexual development, I always knew from a young age that I had an attraction for males, but also females, it seems to vary on the day also, as weird as it sounds. I tried to wake up one day, and say hey, I'm a homosexual, but when I'm out in public, I can't help to have the thought "damn, that girl looks good, I want to have sex with her." It's like I can't even have a conversation with some women because I have sexual thoughts.I usually can get an erection around men, but women it depends, because I am more nervous, and get the "am I hard?" thought. When I am alone and think of a particular girl, I can sometimes get hard, especially in the morning.On a side note, a girl I grew up with recently contacted me. We always had feelings for each other, but I always turned away. I want to hang out with her, but my anxiety about not being able to achieve an erection with her comes into my head, even though when I think of her, I smile and get happy.Regarding molestation - yes I was. At age 7 I was molested by a male relative, but I forgot about it because I was young. When I was 16, when I was very confused still, I had to spend the night there because it was near my job, and it happend again, by the same male, who is in his 40's. I remember telling him how I was supposed to hang out with a girl I was interested the following night (which ended up not happening because of this, I was a nervous wreck the next day), and I remember waking up to this that night, I panicked so I didn't move. I think the fact that I was 16 also made my self-esteem go even lower. The fact that everyone thinks I'm gay gives me more anxiety, which is part of the HOCD in my opinion.I think the molestation also relates to why I'm afraid to ejaculate, as embarassing as it sounds. Also, the fact that I'm being treated as a immature male dosen't help. I told 2 people about the molestations, but they did not take it serious at all.@ AvgGuy1, I know you're intentions are good, I greatly appreciate any responses, but I agree, considering my depression will probably go deeper due to the social anxiety. I used to not be like that at all.Again, I appreciate any feedback. Thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 June 2011):
From a medical perspective-depression will add to your low sex drive. As you mentioned, you do not have insurance right now, but when you can it would benefit you to get your hormones tested. You might have very low testosterone,which will zap your sex drive.Maybe you need to seriously examine that you are Homosexual or Bisexual?Look back on your sexual development. Which gender have you been more attracted to? Or about the same? Can you acheive an erection on your own or with porn? Is it being around other people that suddenly your desire is non existant?Do you have any past sexual trauma in your life? (Molestation or any abuse)All these factors can effect your sexuality. Finally, there ARE some people in the world that are neither gay, straight or bi...some people are simply ASEXUAL and do not engage in ANY sexual behaivior.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (6 June 2011):
 This is not intended to be mean, rude, cruel or anything like that... if you've been depressed for a while and you're suffering from anxiety related issues, both sexual and emotional... I'd recommend going to see a therapist, one that might even prescribe some anti-depression meds. I think you'll find it'll do wonders for you. Depression can cause a whole boat load of problems that can manifest physically as well as emotionally.
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