A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have trust issues with my husband. i resently found out the he has been secretly contacting his ex girlfriend calling and texting her up to 5 times a day.i feel insecure that he dont even communicate with me on that level and i am his wife. I have told him how i feel and he tells me i shouldn't feel that way as he goes home to me. He promised me if it makes me feel insecure he will not communicate with her. a week later he's still communicating with her even though he knows its making me ill. i feel betrayed, as if its ok for me to be hurting. i'm not telling him who he should communicate with but he himself promised me that and his ex has been the cause of our near break up in the past. I hate feeling like i'm stuck in this triangle competing for my husband. Am i beening to sensitive
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (14 June 2009):
Your husband knows how you feel and he is selfishly ignoring that, so obviously talking isn't getting you anywhere because he is not paying attention. They say people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone, so what I suggest is give him a taste of gone. Just disappear for the weekend. Turn off your phone, go stay with a friend and let him wonder where you are. Let him miss you. Let him wonder if he's lost you. Men understand the language of action. If you come back and he still doesn't care then you may want to consider leaving for real.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 June 2009):
 You are absolutely not being over sensitive. This has happened to me in the past and I was completely hurt shocked and outraged. He has continued to text her and, as you say, it has caused problems for you in the past. By saying he 'comes home to you' is a complete insult and is making a fool out of you and your marriage. He wants to have his cake and eat it and is shameless.
You have three choices. Either do nothing and continue to let it make you ill, or confront him and give him an ultimatum saying you will end things if he doesn't stop immediately, or pack up his stuff and throw him out of the house and out of your life.
I ended my relationship with someone who did the same thing to me. He said it was just texting to keep a friendship and then I later found out he was sleeping with her and paying for her holiday. One thing always leads to another if you don't intervene it can destroy you.
Its not acceptable and any man or woman who does this sort of thing to a partner has absoluely no respect.
You have a touch call ahead and I hope and pray you muster the strength to deal with it.
My thoughts are with you
Aunty Em xx
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