A
female
age
36-40,
*absie007
writes:I'm married with one child and I'm infatuated with a male colleague that's also married. Although we work together in the same team, we aren't in the same city so don't have to see each other every day but we do tend to have some form of daily contact as part of our roles.It started off as innocent flirting and quickly developed into something more. There's crazy chemistry - it's like a magnet is pulling me towards him. Even though I haven't seen him for weeks... I get palpitations, racing heart and knots in my stomach when I think about him. I long for him and it's driving me insane. He feels the same way (or at least he did but he's either backed off because I rejected his initial advances or he's decided to genuinely focus on his marriage). He's asked that we keep it to work communication only. I will totally respect that but I can't stop thinking about him. My heart is breaking right now and my husband doesn't deserve this. I'm worried at how it's affecting my job and I want to be able to turn my feelings off and move on with my life.The level of feelings I've developed for this man in such a short space of time has made me question if I want to continue With my marriage. I know I'm not in love with my colleague but if I was truely happy, I wouldn't have been able to get to the stage of developing these feelings. If I leave my husband, it will be because I no longer want to be with him and not leaving him to be with someone else.I want some help and maybe some words from people that have been in this position before. This is so intense and although I know I should never encourage it or act on it, it's taking every fibre of my being to fight this. And being honest, im not sure if I want to any more.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): You remove yourself from your marriage before you entertain the thought of starting an affair, or a relationship with another man. Married-men are especially off-limits.
So if you have problems at home, you have the right to go out and cheat? It's okay to destroy another marriage, and place an extramarital-affair on top of the marital-problems you already have?
Fuel for the most nasty divorce ever!
Now add the drama! The reaction from his wife, and your husband's retaliation for your betrayal.
Do people ever consider these details when they start feeling urges below the belt? As though there are no consequences for their actions. They just want what they want, and that's that!
Hello, you have a kid and a husband!
If you suffer depression and other health disorders; then it seems it would be best to concentrate on that. Go seek the proper medical and mental-health treatment for those issues from your doctors.
If your marriage is in trouble, and you no longer wish to be in it. You're supposed to end it before you start a relationship with someone else. Otherwise; you're still married and all hell breaks loose.
Don't forget, you're jeopardizing your parental-rights when you exhibit erratic or unstable behavior. Don't give him the upper-hand; if he decides to divorce you, and go for full custody of the child! Your state of mental-health and behavior can be used against you in a child-custody battle!
If you need help, I recommend you get it. Leave the man at work alone.
A
female
reader, Babsie007 +, writes (12 June 2017):
Babsie007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi youcantbeseriousMy marriage hasn't been great really from the start! We got married very quickly and fell pregnant very quickly and from the moment we had our child, it's been fraught. We've had a lot of financial strain, I had post natal depression... and although I don't have PND or money worries now, things haven't improved. I feel like we've grown apart very quickly. I have felt something lacking for a while and maybe part of me seen the flirting as the excitement that has been missing from my own marriage.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 June 2017):
 Being married does not make you blind to the attraction of others. HOWEVER, it does mean that, morally at least, you should not act on that attraction - which is what you have done. You have done nothing wrong so far (except maybe the flirting - you COULD have stopped that in its tracks if you had wanted to).
Please don't panic and write off your marriage because of this silly flirtation. Your feelings WILL die down if you give them chance and work on returning to normality. Your colleague is not available and should not have been flirting with you. It did make me smile though that you spurned his advances but then, when he backed off, you immediately wondered whether you had done the right thing. Humans are such complicated creatures. If someone chases, we run away. If they run away, we chase. It's like kittens playing.
What was your marriage like before this colleague appeared on the scene? Assess it honestly and try to make any changes which would make you feel happier. As you say, your husband does not deserve this. I assume he loves you? And that you loved him before this flirtation? Look at the bigger picture and also your colleague's wife, who does not deserve this either.
Wishing you all the best and sending hugs. Stay strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2017): This is simple he was after sex his charms didn't work with you so he got bored and moved on dont be so nieve. ..he's probably trying it on with the next office bimbo ..he never had feeling for you ...so grow up and go talk to your husband and see if you can work it through if not leave him so he can find someone who loves him and respects him.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2017): Well, like wanting anything else you can't have; you put it out of your mind and respect the boundaries. You use self-control.
Maybe you might want to get some mental-health counseling; before you get yourself in a heap of trouble. Perhaps you marriage is in trouble, and you need to have a talk with your husband regarding your needs.
Your colleague could report you as sexually-harassing him at work; if his wife finds out, and she brings down the hammer on him. He could also have a sudden attack of conscience; and actually feel harassed and have you fired. So settle your hormones and get a grip on yourself.
He might do whatever it takes to protect himself and his family; if the sh^t hits the fan. Your husband could find out, his wife could find out; and you'll just stand there telling them you long for him and it's driving you insane.
Really?
You're looking for excitement; and think you'll find it outside your marriage. You know we'll tell you to leave him alone; but sometimes people have to experience the worse thing that can happen to them before they decide to see reality and come to their senses.
They always blame the guy. Well, in this case, the feelings seem to be mutual. You're equally as responsible.
There's no such thing as "I can't help myself." See how often that defense holds-up in court.
The truth is " I want what I want, and I'll take the unnecessary risk! Even if it makes absolutely no sense, and will cost me everything!!!"
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (11 June 2017):
 You are just infatuated and wish your husband did things this guy did. You know there is no future with your flirt guy so seek ways to end it. In fact, he probably knows there is no future with you but he may keep it going for opportunity to have sex with you.
You should get your husband to understand how unhappy you are, perhaps not mention your flirting, but work on him to change his ways and get you seduced
People do get seduced through their marriage, and the temptation pops up in an occasion. Men seem more prone to "flirting" because they may think they can get some on th side. Perhaps you are that, but most married men flirt in order to hook a woman; string her along and have sex with her, then dump her.
I'd stay away from this guy
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