A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for one year and 3 months. Recently I had to move back to my home province to get my life sorted out. Our whole plan was that we both get our lives sorted out and go back to school. After we're done school I'd move back to the province where he lives and move back in together and eventually get married. The whole long distance thing was supposed to last for 3 years. So far we've been doing the long distance thing for only one month.Things were going great at first then I started to become depressed because I missed him and I told him I wasn't sure if I could do the long distance thing but I said I'd try.Maybe about 2 weeks after I moved back he staged this thing where somebody supposedly hacked into his Facebook. In the meantime he was still talking to me like nothing happened. I noticed that a few of our mutual friends on Facebook were being added by this one guy who had his family's last name so I clicked on the name and I knew it was my boyfriend right there.I confronted him about it and he got all defensive and said he had his reasons. He told me he'd never cheat on me. We phoned each other and he said it was because I was starting to have doubts and he was going to make a new Facebook anyway because he was trying to hide from his ex-girlfriend who kept bugging him which I already knew about. He said he was going to eventually add me..he had this new Facebook for about one week and a half and a lot of his friends and family were already added. He ended up adding me but didn't put up our relationship status because he didn't want his ex to see it and he added me as his grandma intead under his family, all of his family had a disguised title (mum-aunt, brother-cousin, etc.)We were good for about 2 two days and then he approached me on MSN saying how he thought about things and since I still don't have trust in him he wanted to just be friends for now until we built more of a trust and friendship plus I e-stalked him and he claimed that wasn't right...even though it's a social network on the Internet. I told him I'd think about it. The next day I told him if we weren't in a relationship I didn't want to be his friend anymore, he didn't like that. We talked about it and we decided to take a break for one week and think about things. He recently told me that he doesn't feel safe on Facebook and "deleted" his new profile.I know, I know...it's just Facebook, right? But still.. I still love him very much but I don't know whose to blame and I don't want to stay in a relationship that can't be saved anymore. It's hard, I lived with this guy for 8 months and we've been through so much together. After this, I'm going to have a harder time trusting him and a relationship is built on trust. I don't know what to do.
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a break, depressed, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, long distance, msn, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (26 July 2011):
I think the root of the problem here is that both of you are struggling with the long distance relationship.
The issue with Facebook is definitely odd behaviour and I can see why you would be bothered about it but you can't really be sure about why he did it. However I do think it's coincidental that two days later he wanted a break and got strangely upset about you finding that profile.
The problem is, it's much harder to sort things out and decide whether someone's telling the truth online and a lot of misunderstandings occur.
Seeing as you two are struggling this much after only a month with trust issues and feeling depressed I would consider breaking up and if he does move back and you're both single think about discussing it then. I doubt any trust will come back until you see each other in person.
If you really want to try to save this relationship then see what he says after the week is up, maybe give it one more chance but if you still feel you can't trust him then it might be best to end things now on better terms, opposed to not trusting anything he does/says (or him wanting to go on breaks) which in turn will cause more arguments.
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