A
female
 ,
*isztoria
writes:So I just completed my first year in a master's program at a pretty prestigious university and I'm held at very high standards due to the field I'm working in. For the next year I am required to complete several hundred hours of an internship before I can get my license and graduate. The problem is, I recently started working with my supervisor where I am placed and things have been awkward. Since my initial interview, I felt like my supervisor and I had great chemistry because we were very comfortable with each other, but now it feels like he's really into me. I'm not going to lie, if he wasn't married with children and I wasn't his intern I would probably be very interested in him, but he is and I want to hold myself to a professional standard. Now my question is do I continue to work with him or should I request a different site to complete my internship? I like working with him because he knows his job and has taught me a lot, but I want to avoid catching any more feelings and possibly him interacting with me outside of our professional relationship. He has made comments about my appearance and I've caught him checking me out when he thinks I'm not looking. The attention is growing every week and I still have four more months with him. My classmates have told me they have slept with their supervisors and many of them don't think it's a big deal that he's flirtatious, so I'm asking for your help because I want to complete my hours where I am, but I don't know if this is risky or not.
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male
reader, HaniP  +, writes (26 January 2018):
What is your integrity worth to you? Do you want to be like your friends and see no problem with opening your legs for a grade? Don't forget, you attend a very prestigious university and are held to very high standards. Could your contemplation destroy your integrity and come back and bite you in the future. I offer no plan of action, only food for thought.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2018):
 Do you not feel you could go four months working with a married man and resist jumping in to bed with him? Honestly I think it is a bad crazy looking for other work just because there is chemistry and flirting. It does happen a lot in the office. It is simple really, smile be friendly, don't flirt back, stay professional, keep reminding yourself he has a wife and children and if his behavior becomes inappropriate tell him or go to his boss. Surely you have some willpower to control yourself?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 January 2018):
 Hi,
i would also like to add, it's important to always carry yourself with dignity.
When you do this, you will be able to live with yourself much more easily.
When we do the wrong things, especially intentionally, our lives become too complicated and life doesn't have to be too complicated.
YOU'RE holding the cards here, so YOU make the right choice/s.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (23 January 2018):
Do not flirt with him, EVER and do not give him ANY type of warning signs/green lights, that you are into him.
Believe it or not, YOU, yes YOU, are the creator of a major part of this situation.
You are a smart, grown woman, so you know what's right.
You said it yourself, he's married with children.
This, for anybody with self-worth, self-respect and dignity is enough to put an end to this nonsense.
Remember also, just because you cannot control what OTHERS do, does not mean you cannot control what YOU do.
I can assure you, whilst you admit, many of your friends have slept with their supervisors, this doesn't make it RIGHT, nor APPROPRIATE behaviour.
What has happened to good old fashioned morals and virtues?
Don't follow the crowd, because you know where that will lead you?
In a pit, that's right, a pit.
You always take the higher ground and do what's right.
You speak of how well you're doing academically, how high up you're getting and that's wonderful, but seriously, what's even more important than being smart and having a great career, is to carry yourself with conviction, integrity and honesty.
This is what makes a real man/woman and what most people will remember you by, long after you're gone.
Most people, won't necessarily remember you by your academic achievements alone.
How could you ever respect yourself, nor expect anybody to respect you, if you were to follow through with your thoughts/feelings?
Your supervisor, i can confidently say, he doesn't have respect for his wife, because a man who loves his wife and is truly loyal to her, will never flirt with other women in the workplace.
It's absolutely fine for married persons to befriend other men/women at work, of course, so long as both parties know their boundaries.
Also, please remember this always, once any damage is done, you CANNOT reverse the hands of time and regret, well.................that's just a waste of time.
YOU have to live with any adverse consequences.
HIM, don't worry about him. That's his issue.
The other bigger issue and this is where many people don't get it right.
When YOU CHOOSE and make the DECISION, to sleep with a married person, (regardless of what they want), you are seriously hurting many people around YOU and that MARRIED PERSON.
It's like a serious, rippling effect.
It begins with 2 people and in the end, so many more people, are affected/hurt by the consequences of the actions YOU and HE stupidly made.
That's the worst part and if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.
Your supervisor, he has a wife and although he's dishonest behind his wife's back, she is most probably very loyal to him and loves him dearly.
She believes their marriage is strong and expects their marriage to remain sacred.
If you were married, wouldn't you wish the same for you and your husband?
Would you wish to hurt another woman?
I can hear you saying, no.
Would you like to be in his wife's shoes?
I can hear you saying, no.
So why think about this at all?
Do you know what? You're on a major winning streak here and you're going places, so why allow all this to be screwed up?
Do what's most important and complete your time there, by always conducting yourself in a professional manner.
Forget about this supervisor, take control and remain there.
Don't allow him to act like this around you.
You can stop his behaviour immediately, by taking full control of your own behaviour.
You have to, you have no choice, OTHERWISE, if you're finding it way too difficult and as a last resort, you should leave and work elsewhere.
The first rule of thumb, do not make eye contact with him at all, unless it's only work related chats.
Even if you notice him watching you, out of the corner of your eye, who cares!!
YOU just get on with what you've been placed there to do.
Remain strictly professional.
You know the old saying, you give him a yard and he'll take a mile.
I am guessing here ok, but i do suspect that you're certainly not the first young lady that this man has flirted with at work.
Why?
Because men who behave like this, didn't just start the moment they saw YOU.
For the most part, men love women and that's ok, but some men don't know where to draw the line when it comes to attraction and they'll keep on doing it, UNLESS, you place an end to their behaviour/unwanted advances.
I am not being sexist here, because the very same can be said for many women, however, as you're having issues with a male, this is why i've made my above comments.
The bottom line is, do not give in to your thoughts/feelings and do not make too much eye contact with this man and i would even go so far, as to let him know, that his behaviour around you is inappropriate.
You do have the right to tell him this, especially if it's making your working days with him, quite uncomfortable.
All the best and let us know how you go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2018): Don't go anyway. Stay right where you are and deal with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2018): We get a lot of posts from people who act as though they can't behave like sensible professionals in the workplace due to some attraction to a co-worker. As though they are so helplessly compelled to go after somebody that they've lost all sense of reason. BULL!
Put him in his place! Brush-off his advances and let him know they make you uncomfortable. If he can't behave; then it should be reported to the Chair-person of the department; and/or the Dean's office. You've gotten this far without cheating and lowering yourself to sleazy tactics. Don't gain advancement on your back. Earn it on your feet with your head held high!
It is inappropriate and unprofessional. Being receptive to his inappropriate advances is enabling him to manipulate and take advantage of you and other women. You would be a willing partner and complicit in his cheating on his wife. Take a stance! Control your hormones and your fate!
Thousands of women marched on Washington and around the country protesting inequality of pay, glass ceilings, and intimidation by inappropriate sexual-misconduct. This is your chance to correct it from the ground-floor. Be a part of that movement, not the cause of it.
Lets be frank and stop calling this mess "chemistry." It's lust! You're human, and we have our weaknesses; but we have to control and restrain our impulses. Unlike lower-animals, we have a sense of decency and moral values. We're not blindly driven by instinct!
You are a bright student with the world at your feet; only four months from completing your program. It's time you've learned to control the professional-climate of the work-environment around you; because this is what you will face time and time again with men in the workplace. Fearing reprisal or submitting to get ahead by taking a shortcut to advancement, is rewarding these predators! It undermines your integrity and downplays your true abilities.
Sex is only a required job-skill for sex-workers! He's the predator, and your role is the opportunist.
Control your own impulses, practice restraint, and respect boundaries. Above all, be professional. You are a representative for girls and women of the future. Others who choose sleeping around for advancement only prove they are as bad as the men they sleep with. Then when they don't get what the want; they go ranting and exposing men for sexual-conduct they were consensual to, until they got played!
Will sleeping around become the way you make your way? Then why are you even bothering to complete a masters degree; when all you have to do is lift your skirt?
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (23 January 2018):
 Well, he is married, with kids. Are you sure you want to be seen as a homewrecker if the two of you get caught? Should this man decide that he wants to make a move on you I believe it would also speak loudly about his character. How do you even know he doesn't try to sleep with all his interns?A trick you can use is to find some type of flaw about him and try to focus heavily on it. That should aid in reducing the urge to go any further with him. Like how big his head is, or the fact that his smile is a bit creepy etc. The fact is, there are millions of other single, good character-ed people you could meet and like, you're on a campus from crying out loud, you can pick, choose and refuse.Plus if anyone finds out it could compromise your work ethic. Persons will no longer trust in your value and the work you are currently putting in, they may even think you hooked up with some other guys to get your Masters sooner. Word of it may even spread to your new jobs. One night of fun, hot sex can ruin you for the rest of your life. Him, probably not so much. I think you already know the answer to your question. Keep him at arms length and focus on your work. If you think this may be too difficult for you, then request a different site.You and only you, are responsible for your actions. No one else.All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2018):
 Is saying no, and keeping it professional really THAT hard?
I don't get it.
So he is attractive, OK - He is flirtatious, OK you CAN set boundaries and NOT flirt back if it seems to sexual or he acts TOO familiar.
You make it sound like you and he have no self control, I seriously doubt that.
If you can't handle 4 months with this guy, how do you think you will do AFTER when you get a job you can't just constantly swap out because someone is flirtatious or attractive?
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