A
female
age
26-29,
*argoyleguy
writes:I was having a conversation with my girlfriend the other day about her being upset because her brothers have started smoking weed again. I have no problem with weed. I've smoked it before myself, but apparently for them it starts them on harder drugs. Her whole family has consisted of drug addicts. After some more discussion with her brothers she came to the conclusion that they were okay and weren't smoking and nothing harder. They smoked weed around her. I was confused at how quickly she changed her mind. I brought up to her that if she becomes an addict like they were that I wouldn't stay. That's where I cross the line. I told her everyone has a reading point and she became extremely offended and said she would help me if I were to become an addict. She started saying that I don't care about her and then said that if I smoke weed not to keep it around her and not to bring any liquor around her. I found it ridiculous. I personally feel no remorse for addicts. They make conscious choices that negatively effect themselves and the people they claim to love.Is it wrong of me to say I would leave my girlfriend if she became an addict? Is it right of her to say that I can't keep things that might "tempt" her around?
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male
reader, HaniP  +, writes (26 January 2018):
If you were the one that became an addict, would you leave her of your own accord? If so, then no. You weren't wrong. As for smoking and alcohol, are they a dependency for her or you? What is she getting at?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2018):
 Your post is quite confusing though, is your girlfriend a recovering addict? It sounds like it is her brothers who are the addicts and then you just casually told her that if it was her you would leave, that to me sounds fair enough, that is your given choice. I personally think you hit a sore spot with her, maybe because there are a lot off addicts in her family she got a fright and then figured you would just leave her, in her mind that might mean that you don't care much at all.
There is no question that your comment hit a sore spot and upset her and this is why she told you not to have drink or drugs around her in that case. You personally don't have any remorse, but we don't all feel the same way and some off us have saw the other end off it and saw why people have turned to addicts. I dont think anybody has the right to judge someone until they have been through what that person has. Drugs can block out a lot off painful memories. So is it wrong off you to say you would leave her? No off course not, nothing wrong with that, it is your choice and your choice alone. Is it right off her to say you can't keep things around that would tempt her? Again I understand this, because if you loved someone who was an addict you wouldn't have what they are addicted to in your home because it is hard enough to give up an addiction without having it at home reminding you daily. I think you both have good points here and I don't think this is worth arguing over. If she is an addict then maybe she needs some help or support.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2018): You both are not wrong. It’s your choice to leave her if she becomes an addict and that’s a smart choice. But you also have to do your part, be respectful, and considerate, and not leave anything in the house that may tempt her. A relationship means your support your partner. Otherwise why be together?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2018): You're not wrong.It's your choice.My ex, otherwise kind and interesting man, has let pot ruin his life. Nothing more serious than that. Just pot.He said he was smoking weed because it was fun. All his close friends smoked weed, because it was fun. Except, this "fun-time" was all the time. Maybe it's not a rule, maybe not all heavy weed smokers become what he and his friends became, maybe weed was the symptom of an underlying condition (like depression and/or anxiety) and not the cause... but they all systematically showed a remarkable lack of investment in their own lives.Nothing mattered, a part from themselves and their "fun". They all got married and had kids (and some then divorced and married again and got some more kids), but none of that was real enough, serious enough. Their lives were lost in a haze, because they lied to themselves about one little thing. Pot for them was not just fun, it was not an occasional treat, something they do but they could do without, it was their life-style, if not their life.When I left him, I never said I was doing that because of weed, even though I have never touched the stuff. I left because he simply was not ready at that moment to be a partner. An independent, responsible adult who would share his life (for a certain time or forever) with me. Weed was not the cause, it was a symptom of what he was at that time, and unfortunately still is. The only difference is that all bad things get worse with age and consequences of decades-long weed abuse are painfully visible. I didn't think I was selfish. You can help a person only if he or she wants help. My ex not only didn't want any, he didn't think he needed it. In my case it was for the best.Maybe your girlfriend wanted some reassurance. But, the truth is always best. Especially when seriously discussing serious matters.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 January 2018):
 Not at all.
Like you said, everyone has their breaking point and yours is someone being addicted to illegal substances. Her reaction is childish and I'd tell her so.
Refusing to be around someone who's made a conscious choice to let an addiction take over their life is not wrong, you're looking out for your own wellbeing. If she thinks that means you don't care then she needs to grow up.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (24 January 2018):
 Well it comes off a bit cold...You pretty much said, should your girlfriend hypothetically come to face a hardtimes you'll immediately bail on her. I'm not saying you can't have boundaries and yes drug addicts DO make a choice but it comes off judgemental because you'd haven't applied a detail reason. Addition isn't the easiest thing to quit and addictions usually can't overcome their additions on their own. Plus from her background it seems she has some sort of genetic trait linked to addition meaning she's more prone to being one. So you saying that must have scared her. I think I'm in full support of you girlfriend here. If someone wanted to stop stealing things would you leave previous jewelry and gems lying around the place. Sure you love having your jewelry adorning you but with a potential with thief on the loose the I suppose it wouldn't be wise. You have to remember this girl is your significant other, the aim here is to become one over time. Compromise is key. Plus she clearly asked you not to bring it around her. All she asked was for you to bring it around HER.She has a family of addicts. Remember that.All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2018):
 I fully agree with YouWish,
I wouldn't even consider being with someone smoking weed or drinking heavily. Now if my husband got some really GOOD benefits out of marijuana, I'd be fine with him ingesting the oil - there is NOT real need to SMOKE it if you are doing it for the health benefits.
9 out of 10 people I know who smoke pot/weed are losers. Who also finds it "harmless" to smoke around their kids... NOT people I would socialize or hang out with.
1/10 smokes because she is terminal with cancer and I absolutely GET why she does it, though taking the OIL would provide the same relief but I'm not going to tell a dying person what they can or can not do. She doesn't smoke in front of others.
For a VERY long time pot/weed was known as a gateway drug. These days a lot of people claim it isn't true. From what I have seen, it is. People who smoke weed/pot for "recreational use" are often willing to TRY other things (drugs) to heighten the highs. I call BS on people trying to say it's harmless.
Some people are VERY capable of not being addicted to how it makes them feel, they CAN quit anytime. But you also have people (like your GF's family) who can NOT quit and who easily can go from pot/weed to worse. People with "addictive personalities". Same with those who can't control their drinking.
And let us NOT forget that pot/weed IS still illegal in MANY MANY states.
There are a LOT of things I can respect about cannabis and marijuana as far as medical use - let's face it though most people (at least in MI) who get a "weed card" have not been diagnosed with anything where weed is PROVEN to help. From what I hear you can pay a doctor $100 for a card.... and he doesn't even SEE you in person... That is just messed up.
If she has had issues with alcohol and weed/pot in the past, then NO you shouldn't being either around her, you might even consider not being a good fit (I agree there too!) Even if she is just WORRIED she will become addicted should be enough for YOU to respect that she doesn't want ANY part in that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2018):
 No, you're not wrong. If she were to become an addict, you have every right not to let her addiction destroy your life. It's not your obligation to stay in a relationship where someone is addicted and doesn't lift a finger to get help or work toward sobriety. If she were to become addicted to heroin and started stealing people's goods or money, or starts selling drugs or her body out of your home to finance her habit, you could go to jail if the police searched a house where those drugs are.
Even for a legal drug such as alcohol, cigarettes, or in some places weed, you get to choose whether you wanted to live with someone who spent a lot of money and time on their addiction, and add to that DUI's and house fires, or other things like job performance, and it's actually a mature choice not to allow yourself to be dragged down by an addict who has no interest in throwing the addiction and devoting their life to becoming healthy.
What she said to you was retaliatory, AND I would take it as a red flag. Was she an addict at one point? If you are dating a RECOVERING alcoholic who is sober and clean, of COURSE you wouldn't keep the drug of choice in your house! If she's addicted to weed and has become clean from it, she shouldn't date you if you're a casual weed smoker. Same with if she was an alcoholic, having gone through the program and having been clean. She shouldn't be with someone who drinks casually, because your alcohol could be tempting.
You two may not be compatible. I have a feeling that if she got offended like that, you're dealing with someone who *IS* an addict.
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