A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. 4 of those years were sexually spectacular.Last December she became pregnant. It turned into an ectopic pregnancy and she had to have surgery. She was in the hospital for a night, and in bed for about a week. This was all very sudden, and she handles stress very poorly in general. Since then she has had no desire, does not become aroused, doesnt orgasm. If we do have sex its... nothing like it used to be. We've talked about it plenty, she is afraid of pregnancy and this is making her uninterested. She also has increased stress at a new job since last year. I say "uninterested", thats putting it lightly.It seems like we're now just best friends who live together. I've lost my partner and I need physical attachment. It's been over a year without having anything close to good sex, after years of good sex, and my patience is slipping. I know its not her fault, I never blame or criticize. I feel terrible and selfish, but I am 24 and dont want to spend the best years of my life waiting with no garuntees. I want back what we had. What can I do?
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female
reader, xHx  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 You appear to be very caring and supportive towards your partner, maybe the two of you should talk to the doctor about having grief councilling as a womans body takes on board the pregnacy and then the loss it seems your partner is afraid to have sex incase it happens again, to have to have sex (and enjoy it) then to be in a hospital having an op, her mind is now linking the two things together so maybe the fear of enjoyment and hell is a scary place to be.I am sure the doctor can help and posibly help with the sex side too!
I wish you all the best x
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (20 January 2009):
 First of all you seem to care and I can understand your feelings. You are young and you need the physical intamacy which unfortunantly she can't give. I think what you described is not only a fear of becomming pregnant again, but since she lost the baby there was also trauma to her life. My opinion here is that your girlfriend needs you now more than she did in the past. She is trying to overcome the loss of the baby and deal with the fact that she can't be what you need. I am sure that she knows this. The fact that she doesn't feel the need for intamacy like you do is hard on her equally as well.
I am pretty certain that she is suffering from some form of depression. Depression can cause mood swings, loss of appetite, weight loss or weight gain,low-self esteem,anger,more stress,headaches, nausea, lack of sleep or sleeping too much. It can make someone feel uneasy, make them withdraw or become distant,loose their need for intimacy or sezual desires. It can basically make them seem to be another person sometimes. You should talk to her about getting evaluated. She needs help from a professional. It may take medications and or phycotherapy to help. YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR HER MORAL SUPPORT~
When you love someone you don't just walk away because you can't have sex. How would you feel if you had an accident and was paralized and unable to have sex then she dumped you? Not a good feelings I don't imagine. What if you leave this woman and the next one has sex but the feelings aren't right about it? What if you find someone else and care for them and sex is ok BUT they find out you left the other gal because she couldn't. NOW THE NEW GAL LEAVES YOU CAUSE SHE THINKS YOU ARE A JERK!
SEX ISN'T EVERYTING! IT MAY BE ICING ON THE CAKE BUT WHEN YOU LOVE YOUR CAKE, THE ICING CAN BE LEFT OFF IF IT NEEDS TO BE AND THE CAKE IS STILL YUMMY! 8-) Don't throw away the good years you spent with your girl to chase after something that may never become even as good in the things that really matter most. HELP YOUR GIRL GET THE HELP SHE NEEDS, SHE IS SUFFERING AS MUCH AS YOU ARE!
MY BEST TO YOU BOTH. MAY GOD SHOW YOU HOW TO OPEN YOUR HEART WIDE ENOUGH TO ALLOW HIM TO WORK HIS WILL IN YOUR LIFE. MAY HE BRING YOU AND YOUR LADY CLOSE TO HIM AND HELP YOU TO RECONNECT AND FIND PEACE WITH ONE ANOTHER.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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