A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 3 yrs who is 6 years younger than me recently posted an ad on Craigs List seeking for a m2m encounter. He claims he was curious to see what the difference if any was between receiving head from a man than a women. I believe this is the first time he has done this and can't really explain why he had this urge. He cried and pleaded for me to believe that he was ashamed and did not do anything and was only curious. He agreed to get an STD test the same day i discovered the conversation and also agreed to go to counseling as long as i stay with him. i dont know what to do. We are both extremely sexual and enjoy sex so the bedroom is quite exciting. I had my share of experimenting in college but 2 men is quite different. i think! My bf claims he just wanted to get oral sex from another man and suggested in the conversation i found that he would only agree to play with the other mans balls IF he was comfortable with that. The man he was having an aim conversation with was not interested in meeting and my BF swears that he would not have met him even if he had agreed to. I am very confused and dont know what to do. Can anyone help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Thank you all for your responses. Believe me I agree with all of you. I feel caught between all of the feelings you shared and very afraid. I love him and feel like an idiot saying I trust him and believe what he says. I understand that im saying what most battered women probably say when they get abused and they accept appologies and believe it will never happen again. How can i guarantee this won't happen again. My BF feels trust is out the door and that our relationship wont work out and i am the one that thinks it can. We spend a lot of time together and I have never necessarily not trusted him when he is out with friends or not with me. I want to try and see if we can work through this and if not then it will end. He tells me he is not gay and he has agreed to see a counselor and i see that as a positive sign. What do you guys think?
A
female
reader, StrayTogether.com +, writes (3 August 2010):
 If you want to attempt to save the relationship, I think that counseling for him and couples counseling would be a great idea. For him, to help him figure out what he wants; for both, because typically people stray when something is lacking the relationship. Note that I didn't say something is lacking in YOU. Very distinct difference there - he may not be happy in the relationship, but that doesn't mean it's your fault or that you're inadequate.
As another said, I would be more concerned that he was making this attempt behind your back, i.e. he was on the verge of cheating. I see this as the primary issue threatening your relationship. Did you happen upon this conversation and CL ad? Did you go looking for it? If you went looking, what made you do so? Did you have suspicions to start with? Are there other trust issues in the relationship?
On the other hand, if this is more than a curiously and it turns out that he's gay or bi-sexual, you can't supress it. If he is, he is, and you have no choice but to let him go to seek what makes him happy and for you to do the same. Counseling will help him figure that out.
Good luck to you both.
Fondly,
Jill
StrayTogether.com
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Curiosity is one thing.. Doing it is a whole other.
Sorry, I would be out the door.
Next time it wouldn't be getting a BJ/Head he would be curious about..
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Well, having heard that men give great head, I'll admit I've been curious as to what it's like. I mean, who knows what a man likes better than a man, right? Still, I don't think I'd ever do it. It just doesn't excite me.
If you both are highly sexual, then it stands to reason that he would be curious. The part that worries me is that he posted an ad on CL and had a conversation with someone. This isn't a good sign. It means that he's willing to act to some level on these thoughts/fantasies.
I think you're on the right course for saving your relationship. I don't believe that he wouldn't have met with the guy. If he had been given the opportunity, I suspect he would have taken it, or he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
See where the theorapy leads.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): you should be more worried about him trying to cheat behind your back, not about the gender he was cheating with. Do you think you'd hear about if he didn't get caught? If not it might be time to reconsider or move slow for a while
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Sounds like your man is on the DL (down low). He probably really is curious which means that he is gay. I've never met a straight man who wants to get head from another guy.
You may want to split up and tell him that it safe to explore his curiousity. but then find a straight guy and leave this confused one alone because if you decide to stay in this relationhip everytime he goes out with "the boys" you'll always have those thoughts in your mind.
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