A
female
age
36-40,
*ioGal
writes:I have been living with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 yrs for about 9 months. We live in a super tiny apartment - so privacy is tough to get. In the morning he takes about 2 hours to get ready before he goes into work! It drives me up a wall because I need to get into the bathroom and start getting ready for my day too!My question is, how can I get him to "speed it up" in the morning? The first half hour he spends masturbating in front of the computer - so I don't feel comfortable getting up and moving around. Then, he spends on average, 40 minutes in the shower. The thing that really gets me is he isn't shaving or soaping up the whole time, most of the time he is just standing under the water! I have tried to talk to him about this before, but he gets soooo defensive. He told me his mom used to nag him about it when he was a teen, so he's sensitive about it. Overall, he's a wonderful boyfriend and we can talk through just about any issue we're having, but this is one where I just don't seem to have any say. I'm starting to feel more like a guest in our apartment :( And I've been noticing this might be a pattern in many of our other stress-related issues. We're often rarely on time (because he takes a long time to get ready for things, or is forgetful), we've missed one plane flight, and almost missed several others. Please, give me advice on what I can do! I'm through talking, and if I could turn the water off in the apartment, believe me I would ;) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 You're welcome hon and I am glad for you both!
Continue to talk and grow with one another,things should work out fine. 8=)
Blessings,
Blue_Angel
A
female
reader, BioGal +, writes (25 March 2009):
BioGal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Blue Angel,
I talked to him last night, and we agreed to let me into the shower first in the morning. It's already working out! And don't worry, we aren't tormented living together - in fact, this is about the only real gripe we've had.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (24 March 2009):
Don't forget that every relationship needs an adjustment period. Some just take more time than others. Rome wasn't built in a night and it took a entire week for God to create the Heaven's and Earth will all it's creatures and mankind. Just take your time and give him a little space until he can make the adjustment.
As far as his computer habit, I do hope that can be adjusted too! If he doesn't stop this ritualistic behavior you could be headed for more problems down the road. It can lead to an obsessive pattern or make you feel less of yourself. Be careful to protect your self-esteem because it really has nothing to do with you. It's simply a choice that he is making to indulge himself. Beware that he may becomes seriously addicted.
You might try talking to him about his *habit but still remember to choose your words carefully so he won't feel attacked and become defensive. This will most likely cause him to be more to himself and he may back away from you. In the end only you know what you want and will settle for in this relationship. I am rather sure that you are something special to him if he hasn't left after the 9 months of torture you are both going thru. Don't give up hope too soon and remember to work on it...starting with yourself. I know this sounds strange but when you do this you are strenghtening your relationship with him by standing firm on what you need. Don't be selfish yet don't be taken advantage of. There is always a thin line between.
You are both rather young and you will see when you are older that some things just loose their place of importance. Things don't always matter as much when you look back. So if the shower problem is the worst thing you are facing then find a way to work around it and help your home to be a happy one. Starting by getting to the bathroom first! *-)
My best to you always,
With Blessings,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): My daughter used to spend ages in the shower and ignored all requests to speed it up a bit. We had one of those electric power showers and I cured her by pulling out the electric fuse to the shower after she'd been in there for more than ten minutes. If you're able to do the same thing, you'll be amazed at how quickly he gets out of there. A cold shower might also temper his masturbation routine.
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A
female
reader, BioGal +, writes (24 March 2009):
BioGal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. As far as the shower goes, I know he isn't masturbating when he's in there (he's open enough to talk to me about it), but it's like he's in a trance! We have tried showering together, but tiny apartment = tiny shower so it's kind of cramped.
I have tried approaching the subject very gently a number of times with middling results. But I will try again, because you're right that getting mad wont get the results I want either, and I'd rather not be stressed.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (24 March 2009):
I'm not positive but it sounds like he may be a bit addicted to his masterbation routine. He most likely is not only enjoying the feel of the shower and having a relating moment to himself but is most likely continuing his release in the shower. This isn't extremely uncommon as alot of younger men do this.
Perhaps you can intice him to allow you to join him in the shower. I would also suggest you getting ahead of the game by getting to the bathroom first! The thought of his being on time .....well let's just say that for men that isn't all too uncommon either! Women are typically more organized and better trained at being together long before the man gets going! *-) No offense guys...thank Goodness that you aren't all alike!
Try helping to organize things so that it's less stressful for him. We all have certain amounts of stress but learning how to handle and cope with it sure makes the day much brighter. 8-) Try to understand that he is a different person than you are and if you love him you may have to learn ways to adapt to HIS World. It's not always a bad thing because sometimes it has a way of equalling itself out. Good communications skills don't mean arguing and yelling at the top of our lungs. Sometimes the road is paved with milder and less objective words and still get the point across. Choose your words carefully because you never know you're probably driving him nuts too with some little *imperfect thing that you do.....
Don't turn off the water! Find a time with soft candlelight,grab the bubble bath and invite him to spend an hour with you! Best Wishes and Remember that often we don't see our faults as clearly as we see someone else's. Start anew and work with it, SAY YOUR PRAYERS AND ASK FOR WHAT GOD WOULD HAVE YOU DO, THEN IN TIME YOU WILL BEGIN TO SEE ALL THIHNGS DIFFERENTLY!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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