A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help! someone talk some sense into me!Its 2am in the morning, i feel lonely and need a hug.Ive hurt my back ,so didnt go clubbing.I'm tempted to phone my ex-boyfriend and ask him round for a cuddle. This is a bad idea as in the past he abuses this and we end up making love. Its trouble , big time! he cant just be a cool friend and just come over for some company. its been a nightmare, when hes drunk he sometimes phones at 4am. I shouldnt call this man! i feel lonely and in pain. Please stop me getting into a situation i will regret. I so just want some company, a couple of glasses of wine and just a hug.Their is no one else i can call, and i know he will be out on the town partying and would drop everything to come and see me. someone just help me get through the night without him and i will be o.k. i even dreamt last night he was here.
View related questions:
clubbing, drunk, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hey poster. I am the anon female who wrote my whole relationship story below. Thanks for the advice. I guess I should post my problem but I have posted issues before I never really get a good answer, in my opinion. I find a lot of the answers kind of vague (with a few exceptions).
Anyways it's not like I am clueless. I have been through many break ups and I know my own situation better than anyone else does. Yeah I am hurting today but maybe I won't be tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. I am kind of my own therapist, sometimes. Anyways I feel like there are so many bigger problems I have to face than being heartbroken. I mean that happens. It's not the end of the world. Right now I am in school finishing my bachelors degree. I only have one more semester. I am thinking even going abroad. That is all more important right now.
I mean yeah I liked this guy. I guess maybe I loved him. But space "break up" whatever you want to call it is always good. We got involved very quickly. We treated each other like husband and wife always kind of. At least we thought of each other that way (I know it sounds weird). But I want a marriage commitment. Sort of. I just want to focus on myself. But if he wanted to be a part of my life then I would have wanted a marriage commitment. That is what I am trying to say. I guess I feel I don't need to post a question to figure out what I want. I already know what I want.
But I hope you found your answer.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 well dear I think u should join a gym or any sort of club or studies that get u entertained and that help u iintereacting with other people in apositive way so that u value yourself enough and get happy dear, I also suggest working on your family and friends like deserving an afternoon or an early night for them at least once a week or every two weeks, going shopping to see if there's anything u would like to buy or even to the cinema alone sometime just to see and realise u can have people loving u apart from havin sex in exchange and also that you're a lovely nice girl who can do things alone and stand up for herself u could even plan a trip alone to an spa or any near beach village to relax and move on if u don't move on then u will not enjoy life
love
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 If any man treats you any less than like a queen, you don't want him anyway. If he takes liberties with you he is not the man for you.
The desire to have someone close and not actually have that can cause seemingly un-bearable pain.
What you need to do is find someone that will indeed treat you like a queen. One who will forever be there for your every beck and call. You can feel so empty at times like this and it can be very difficult to maintain yourself at these times but a little perseverence will go a long way. Out there somewhere is the perfect man for YOU! You just need to go out and find him. So go find your Prince Charming. Doc.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to both of you. Firstly, because their is people out their that give a dam! and youve made me feel less alone. The truth is this man treated like crap for years. The only reason he would drop everything is because he thinks he will get a shag out of it. Ive phoned the ex during the day when my cat was dieing and he just said he was on the other side of London! Great reality check from both of you. He's the guy who dumps you, dosent phone you for a month then turns up on your door step, expecting me to be free. ( I will survive! )Know the song.
To the first lady, sweetheart you sound like you need help honey.Please put a question up and im sure we can put our heads together and help you get through this.
IM not gonna phone him! ive got a date next week. The past is the past for a reason, he treated me like rubbish and im not putting up with it anymore.
Thankyou to both of you. Ive taken a painkiler for my back and gonna hug the cat instead, much better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): Well I hope that by the time my answer is posted it isn't too late. But I have got to say, you are so lucky. I wish my "ex" bf were here right now because I love him (to some extent).
And here is the thing. I love that feeling. The feeling where he will drop everything to see me. I am going to be honest cause no one knows me anyways. I am very controlling. And no guy I have dated even has a clue. Cause I am not the psycho controlling. I am the "I know how to get what I want" controlling. I guess it'd be better put if I say I know how to control situations. But the thing is that I feel so insecure right now. And I can only control stuff when I don't feel insecure. And the truth of the matter is that I am not even 100% sure how I feel about my ex bf anymore. Because I could call him and flirt with him again and act as if I love him and everything is ok but I am not sure I even want that right now. Or that I even feel that way. I do and I don't. I don't even know what I want. Because if I was feeling secure and happy then sure I could call him and feel in control. Maybe I am just scared. And I don't know if I am scared because I am insecure or if I am scared because he doesn't love me anymore. I am not sure which one it is. So I have just taken it to be the last one that he just doesn't love me anymore. Which is foul.
It could be a little of both though. But I am definitely scared which I have never felt with him before. I guess in a way I am happy that I am on my own right now because I really need time to think by myself. And I need time to become secure again. It has been a week and a day and this is the longest he has ever gone without calling. The longest before this time was a week. But I don't want to have this type of relationship. Where one week we are ok and the next week we don't talk. I have never had this before. Maybe when I was in high school but I am an adult now. I have waited this long so I feel it is only right at this point that he should be the one to call first. And I am having difficulty moving on. It's like I want to but I don't. I don't know what to do.
I think that when you are in doubt you should move on. So I'll try. I think that is the best thing. I am not scared of moving on, I am just scared of being wrong. That's all.
Well the easiest way to not call I guess is to force yourself. Just convince yourself that it is wrong.
...............................
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (16 September 2007):
It seems like you already have all the reasons not to call him up, but need someone to actually tell you not to do it.
Trust yourself since you already know what to do and have some willpower. It's a lot better than asking a bunch of random people you never met before.
...............................
|
