A
female
age
41-50,
*isha
writes:Dear All, I dont know if my situation is so different or complex that it can not be helped but I am in need for the right advice and right direction that can help me and my ex to get back together. I am a 26 yr old woman and my husband is 29 ys old, neither do we have kids. we had been together for 7 years and married for 3 1/2 ys (this October would have been 6 ys.) We have been separated and have not seen eachother for 2 years now, since July 2006. He moved back to his country, the Bahamas. We never completed or filed the divorce papers, but we are in all other ways "divorced". We separated mainly due to the problems that his family would give us. They have always been are prejudice towards me and they have done and said alot of horrible things to me and to himWhen he left to back to his country, I chose not to go due to the problems his family would give us and to me. Our relationship had deteriated so much, , he began to absorb everything his mom and 3 sisters would tell him and act out on what they would say. 1 month after he went back to the Bahamas, I moved to Ethiopia to teach and try and leave the past behind in the States, I lived there for 1 year and I returned to the U.S. for 10 months now. We kept little contact, he would email me now and again to say hi and how I was. I would email the same,that was about it. But, there was alot of tension and heartbreak between us. I decided to finally call 2 days ago for the first time since we last seen eachother 2 ys. ago, and when he answered the phone he began to cry alot for a long period of time (about 5 or 6 minutes and then he was quiet on the phone). I called to just say hi and how he was doing, and to let him know that I was doing well. I wanted to keep the conversation cheerful and it was, and we did not bring up the past. We talked for about 2 hours. I have not been in another relationship since we split, but he told me that during the 2 ys he went back to his high school sweet heart, the girl before I came along, and they were in a 5 month relationship and then she left him and went back "to her baby's father". He told me other things that I did not ask about such as they did sleep together wand how he was dissapointed that he was now about that because that relationship did not work either. He told me that he feels as though he has failed again. We were eachother's first when we had married. I have not been in another relationship or slept with no one since we split. Though, I have been on a few dates. He has also told me that he is seeing another lady now for 2 months, and that they have not been physical all the way yet (other info that I did not ask to hear). I wondered why he was telling me these things when I did not ask for him to give me this info? He also told me that he is not happy and he just wants to be happy. He had also asked me have I been with anyone or seeing anyone, and I said no I havn't. I told him that I missed his friendship and that I think of him often and have not forgotten about him. He said he wants me to be happy too. I was not sure if I wanted him to know that I really wanted to get back with him, because he had already told me a year before that our relationship was over. Instead I said that if he wants, I can mail him the divorce papers so he can sign and that I needed his P.O. box address. He kept asking me "are you sure you want a divorce?" "are you sure this is what you want?". I asked him is this what you want?" and he said "yes". Can you tell me what does this mean please? I chose not to go with him to his country and to not make any attempts to keep the relationship, not that i did not want to. Because we had planned before-hand to move back there together. But, due to all of the problems his family gave us, their harassment,and how much our marriage had then deteriated, I chose not to go. It was one of the most painful and difficult decisions of my life, because I knew that I risked never seeing him again and he was my first love. I feel that my time is running out and I don't know if I even have another chance with him. But, it is too painful to be without him because I still love him, I want no one else, and I want our marriage back now, even if we can get marriage counseling and just pick up where we left off. I do not want him with any one but with me. I have tried to move on for 2 years now snd my heart will not let him go, and to this day I want no one else. It makes me wonder if I could have a 2nd chance with him because he gave his highschool sweet heart a 2nd chance. The 1st time they broke up was because she was cheating on him. This time they broke it off was because she left him to go back to her baby's father. I want to go there and see him, regardless about his family. I just feel that we should be able to talk in person to see what choice we shouls make, email and phone only can do so much. Also, because I wanted to let him know that I may be moving back over seas for a longer period of time and I may not be able to keep contact with everyone. He had no way of calling me, I didn't give him my cell phone number and I called from a public phone. I just don't know if that is the best idea or will it ruin everything? I do not know what to do to have him back. I felt more like from the story Romeo and Juliet, but with different ending. Please help me with advice to try to get him back. I love him so much. Any advice will be grateful. Thank you
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broke up, divorce, get back together, move on, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aisha +, writes (10 July 2008):
Aisha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It was what I needed to hear. I did decide to call him again after I posted this message the same night. We talked for a couple of hours and I gave him my cell phone number that I just had turned on yesterday.
He told me that I really had him shaken up all last week after I called him and that he could think of nothing else. I told him everything of how I felt and that I love him and miss him. He asked me why did I not come with him when he left or even after he left. I told him what I mentioned in this post and that I felt he did not want to see me since he said "it's over" back in late 2006. I was also afraid of what I would find there...he could have
re-married & had children. But, now I realize I should have left when I had the chance. But, I have decided to try and go to his country as soon as I am able to.
I did ask him would he like to seen me again if I came to visit, and he said "no". I am not sure if it was a good no or a bad no. In other words, if it is because he hates me now or if it would bring up old feelingsof eachother for him, since he was crying when I 1st called? I know the area where he lives, but ot exact adress. But, I would feel better if we talked in person, because it is more personal and we can then see eye-to-eye.
He said he doesn't know what will happen with him and his friend girl or if it will last or not. But, I am not going to wait around to see what happens. I asked him to first pause and reflect on everything and let us first meet face to face and talk before he continues anything else...to at least clear the air. I do not want anymore "what ifs" and "I wish". And I can't deny that I completly do not like this new friend girl now in the situation, but it is to be expected I guess. But, it kills me that they are together and I do not know where he exactly lives and he said no he doesn't want to see me. Would that make me a stalker or something?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Vow, what a sad story; you must be hurting so much; however, only you can do something about that hurt and pain;
The way I see it, you have to make the choice;
put your pride in your pocket; go and see him;
and try and sort things out between the two of you; BE HONEST with him; tell him how you feel; stop hiding your feelings and love for him; be honest, he needs to know about your feelings;
He cannot smell or sense how you are feeling; he might think you don't love him anymore; maybe that is why he tried to move on with other relationships; he might also be to proud to tell you if he still loves you; he might be scared that you will reject him;
Don't delay this, do it soon; before it is too late;
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Go and meet him; have a good talk; but most important be open about your feelings; stop hiding your true feelings;
only once you have done this, will you know how he feels and will you know if there is a future for the two of you together;
I wish you lots of luck and hope everything works out for you;
Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2008):
 You love him so much, but you won't open your mouth to tell him. You are both in love with eachother, but trying so hard to make the other person happy. By doing so, if he says he wants the divorce, you'll agree, not because you want it, but because you feel that's what will make him happy. Back and forth you go. You say you love him. He says he feels as if he failed. Both of you are trying to make the other happy, but torn up inside.
Tell him how you really feel before he's gone for good. You both deserve to be happy. By reading this, it seems as if your happiness is through eachother.
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