A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 17 and have never had a girlfriend or a date in my life and its always bugged me why i cant.im a nice guy, never get mad easily, respecting and id like to think gentlemanly i was raised oldschool you could say, hold door open etc. and i was always told that if im kind and respectful that id be the guy girls would want to be with but i see guys who are jerks and girls love them! i can never seem to get a chance and im wonderin if maybe i was wrong about my lifestyle.what should i do or not do, thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I know very well what you mean - I've been through exactly the same problem.First of all, let me tell you that your good manners and politeliness are definitely *not* part of the problem - really, there are far too few guys of your calibre these days.No, the thing is; if nice guys like us are so remarkably unsuccessful at getting our share of romance, then there's usually other problems involved.As someone who also tends to be excessively polite etc. and who has been equally unsuccessful at getting his fair share of romance, the two main problems that I faced were that I was (and still am) too introvert and too passive.Now, I don't know wether you have the same problems, but as most guys in your situation do, here's my rather lenghty description of the problems and my advice anyway;When I was a teen, I was so introvert that I never went to parties, discos, or any other events and places where I could meet other people of my age, so I seldomly met people outside school, and even at school, all the people that I had any contact with were classmates or former classmates.Needless to say, the result is that I never got to meet, let alone know, a lot of girls.And the less girls you get to meet, the smaller your chances are - it's as simple as that.Another advantage of meeting a lot of girls, is that you'll have better chances of meeting new girls and move on when a crush or relationship isn't working. This also reduces your chances of getting obsessed with someone that you can't get (and trust me, that's a fate you want to avoid), which is usually the result of focusing on a single person for too long and not diverting your attention to other interesting girls...And because I was so passive and almost compulsively polite, I simply didn't dare to do things like saying 'hi' to strange girls, give small compliments to girls that I barely know, start conversations with girls that I don't know very well and stuff like that - I was simply too affraid that I'd unneccesarily bother them, and I was very affraid of rejection or some other kind of negative response.But the thing is; it's with small things like these that you draw a girl's attention, and as the not-so polite guys are usually not inhibited by the thought that they could be bothering a girl with their behaviour, they usually manage to get so many girls simply because they don't hold back and "have a go" at every interesting girl in sight.It's a sad fact, but the insensitive jerk who constantly bothers girls and says things like "Ey babe, you wanna *insert lecherous and borderline obscene pickup line here*" and surpisingly enough manages to be successful with about one in every twenty or thirty girls, is actually more succesful than the polite nice guy who never actually bothers to try anything with the ladies and of whom so many girls say "gee, he's such a nice guy, I wish he'd talk to me", simply because the former frequently tries and the latter doesn't.Another thing that you should keep in mind, is that - at least in my experience - girls usually are rather passive as well, so if you sit back and wait until one of them makes a move at you (like I used to do), then you're only drastically limiting your own chances...So if you want to increase your chances of getting a girlfriend, then you should make sure that you frequently go to places where you can meet lots of girls that are about your age and are likely to share your interests.And the most important step that you'll have to take, is that you'll have to be willing to take a risk and you'll *have* to be prepared for being brushed off or rejected, because this *will* happen...When you see an interesting girl who seems to be available for a bit of chit-chat, simply walk up to her, say 'hi', initiate a conversation, do some small talk, give her a few compliments (but don't overdo it), keep the conversation going, offer her a drink, and then see where this will take you.If the girl you're talking to is interested in you, then her attention will be focused on you and she'll be eager to talk to you and ask you questions, etc.It's also a pretty good sign if she laughs about your jokes, etc.And if she isn't interested, then she'll be a bit bored, she won't look you in the eyes, she'll be fiddling with her cellphone or such, and most importantly; she won't be actively taking part in the conversation - you'll be the one doing all the talking, and she'll just give you the occasional bored look and say "uh-huh".If the girl is interested - go for her.And if she isn't, then stop wasting time and start looking for the next girl...Well, that's all I have to say for now.Good luck, and I hope that this little bit of advice will help you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I'm going to put this as brutally and simply as I can: You were raised incorrectly when it comes to getting young women. You were told what should work, if most young women acted logically and respected themselves. If only that was the way it is. You can raise a girl to 100% totally respect herself and she'll still usually notch several bad boys on her bedpost before she's out of college. It's THAT natural for them to seek out jerks.Being a gentleman is what women say they want. A jerk is what they actually go after and respond to. ESPECIALLY when they're younger than their middle or later twenties.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 July 2008):
Well how many girls have you asked out?
How many new girls have you met in the last week?
Get out and meet as many new people as you can. Then take the chance and ask a girl out on a date.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pinay23 +, writes (7 July 2008):
 i'm sure there's a girl there for you. You seem nice and respectful. Stay that way. Keep on waiting. Most people start to mature during coellge. And you'll find a girl almost like you then. My cousin Kristen found a guy with the same persoalities O___o awkward. lol well goodluck boo'.
wanna talk sometime i dont mind.
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