A
female
age
36-40,
*ittleTwoLegs
writes:I have not been in a relationship for over a year now, however, I am still in love and I don't see this changing. I've tried everything--seeing new people, being friends with my love, completely avoiding him, envolving myself in my passions--and it is to no avail. I do not believe in soulmates, or rather, I believe in a large variety of soulmates depending on one's most valuable assets, and I do not feel that my desire to be with him is due to having no better options to choose from or out of convenience. I know that I cannot force my heart to change, and I've prayed about this for so long. Thoughts, anyone? Especially from those older and more experienced. I thought I was going to marry this guy, and he felt the same about me, and then one day his heart simply changed and I never got the "why" about any of it that I know I deserve. Still, even in the two months I have taken away from him (he is in a new relationship!) I can't see myself with anyone else, and I still want to marry him, and have for nearly two years now. I can find short term happiness in creativity and socializing, but I still feel deep and great sadness to know he, for whatever reason, doesn't think I'm worth the time of day. Thanks for any thoughts, in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Your ex partner may be the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Since he is no longer with you chances are he will not jump out of your TV screen He won’t turn up miraculously from under your duvet cover while you are in bed reading a book on love & relationships telling
you; how to get your ex back!
If you spend your time moaning to your friends about your ex, and telling them how much he has hurt you - it is time for you to make some big changes!
I was in the same position as you always thinking of my ex boyfriend. I did try dating other guys, to cover the pain I felt inside. But I still wanted my ex back. So, I decided I was going to try and get him back. The problem was he had been dating a new girl for 6 months. My best friend told me about a new book called Virginia's Love Secrets. The book is about getting reunited with your ex boyfriend, at first I was really skeptical about buying an ebook on getting your ex back. But it worked for me. My ex boyfriend and I have just moved in together again. He is talking about having kids and getting married. The authors of the ebook even gave me email support, when I had a few questions. I hope you find peace of mind in the end, whatever you decide. http://www.virginiaslovesecrets.com
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Youre not going to be together so you need to except this and move on. Harsh but true.
It sounds like you can do a lot better than this guy & anyone who doesnt realise how amazing you are does not deserve your time.
You can do it. It takes time though!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (15 April 2008):
 There is your answer. You do not have closure. You did not get the "why". How can you get over something when you have no idea why it ended? It's near impossible. You need closure. Then lots of time. Ask him why now. Ask him if he thinks you will ever get back together again. Just figure out why all of this happened. Having a reason should help you to move on even though it will still be very hard. Also, him telling you it won't ever happen again and he is completely over you should help. It hurts, I know. But I have been exactly where you are right now. Having them tell you its over gets rid of your doubts that you may get back together or he may be the one. I'm not sure when the last time you talked to him was, but I found out something from my ex. I went a long time without talking to him because it was just too painful. When I finally talked to him again, I realized I am not in love with him right now, I am in love with our memories and the feeling of being in love. If that makes sense to you. And I know of some people who have taken years to get over their ex. It just takes time, sometimes a lot of time. Good luck. It will get better, trust me. Cliche and cheesy, I know, but everything happens for a reason and if you are meant to be together you will. I truly believe that and it has helped me to get over quite a bit of hard times. Again, good luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Hi, I really feel for you because I understand what you are saying. Was he your first serious boyfriend? Do you come from a background where you were taught that you did not have lots of boyfriends and that the first one was "special" and one you should stay with?My first serious boyfriend of 3 years still affects me to this day. He treated me badly, ignored me when I was ill yet somehow kept coming back into my life to be friends/see how I was doing but would never make that proper commitment to me, marriage. He was always "working on himself as a person" before he could make any real decisions and after a while it wears you down. Then we were going to move away and live together for his new job -yes, you've guessed it, it never happened and he was actually seeing someone else. Despite this, I have hung on for years in the hope that he would realise I was the one. Even though I am married and have children, I still hope that he will wake up to the fact that I am the one he should have married, not someone else. I know this sounds pathetic but the point I am making is PLEASE don't waste your thoughts on this guy like I have with mine, it is all consuming and has just wasted years of my life (10) wishing for something that was never going to happen. It messes you up.You are still young enough to be able to move on. If he was such a nice guy, he would have made the commitment you are seeking yet he hasn't. Don't spend your life waiting around for him to change his mind, you will always feel like second best. Would he wait around for you to have some fun and then maybe realise you wanted him? (Turn it around so to speak) No, he would not.Go out and enjoy yourself, have a make-over, join some new clubs of interests you never thought you were interested in and before too long, you will meet someone else who matches what you are looking for.Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): well ur situation is rather unfortuate, it seems we are in the same soup, the best i can say is to just stop thinking about him, try as hard to erase him off ur mind, it will take some time but u can do it. The fact is he does n't luv u any more and there is noting u can do about it, forget him and move on with ur life, try relocating or some thing. all the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): well ur situation is rather unfortuate, it seems we are in the same soup, the best i can say is to just stop thinking about him, try as hard to erase him off ur mind, it will take some time but u can do it. The fact is he does n't luv u any more and there is noting u can do about it, forget him and move on with ur life, try relocating or some thing. all the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): You need to talk to your ex and ask what you've been longing to ask ''WHY??''
Then you have a clean slate to move on
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