A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have only been married a few months now and have recently discovered that my husband is, what I call, addicted to porn. I didn't really bother me at first and he didn't know that I knew what he was doing. But as time has passed it seems he is A LOT more interested in the porn than me. I never turn him down, I want it just as much as he does, so I don't understand what the problem is. I have brought it up a few times now, told him how I feel, and he apologizes and says there's nothing wrong with me but then he keeps watching it and just finds other ways to hide it. He hasn't even touched me in more than two weeks (we are newlyweds!!!) and it's VERY hard to initiate anything when I feel like he would rather have his porn. I'm tired of bringing it up and tired of the way it is making me feel. I NEED HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (23 April 2008):
Your husband needs to make a choice. You or the damn porn! My girlfriend hates porn and doesn't want me looking at it. I broke a promise that i would stop and now she's lost sexual desire for me. It is no longer a matter of the porn, but trust. If he will lie about the porn, what else we he do behind your back
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Thanks everyone. I have left notes 3 times now, that doesn't seem to work. I guess the only thing I haven't tried is leaving. The only thing is I don't really have anywhere to go if I do. It's been 3 weeks now and I have about decided to just give up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): have you tried to watch the porn with him this might help
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 I have to agree with Collaroy here. Shock tactics, followed by really good communication. You SHOULD be bonking each other's brains out! You SHOULD be in the honeymoon phase!
I know that porn is a part of many people's lives and if it is not a problem for them or their partners, then fine. But when it interferes with intimacy and sets up expectations that are not part of the real world, then it IS a problem and needs to be addressed.
I'd follow Collaroy's advice here, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, I think...
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I would tell him you are going to have some "communication time" and have him sit down and talk to you. Tell him you need to go through your feelings on this and he needs to go through his reasons for the addiction. If he refuses to talk about it, well maybe you should take off for a while.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Hi,
all I can say is its ultimatum time.
You should be bonking each others brains out every day as newlyweds yet he's looking at porn.
hell, I do it, but not as a substitute for the real thing.
this is a worry which you have to address now.
You might have to use a real shock tactic otherwise he will simply keep hiding it behind your back. He can give you all the assurances he wants but then he can easily look it up at work, at an internet cafe etc. So you need a total change of behaviour.
Some people might suggest that you watch it together, this might work but only if you are into it and if it achieves the right results. And all it is really doing is fuelling the beast .
I would suggest a more harsh wake up call. Write him a note which he can read when he gets back to an empty home, and go stay with a friend or relative for a week.
Tell him you love him but he is turning into somebody different and you are not prepared to share a married life with someone addicted to pornography as it is affecting your love life.
It's not a good way to start a married life, unless you are firm he will continue and only get better at hiding his habit from you.
good luck.
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