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anonymous
writes: PLEASE HELP!I was with my partner for 9 1/2 years when last july he decided he wanted to split up and he moved out. We had problems but as always he did not talk to me about his feelings and decisions and it came as a shock. I found the break up extreamly hard and I could not help but to pine after him. He has a times been there for me but I had to go through some pretty hard stuff and asked him to be there for me but he kept refusing.Now 7 months on we have been seeing each other and we always end up in bed we are getting on well but he still wont alk about how he feels or the future.He comes to see me when he feels low but if I needs him the favor is not returned and my calls get ignored. I know that our families are aginst us seeing each other and this makes things harder.Every time we get on well he seemd to hold back some more. I dont know what to do I dont want to loose him in my life yet I cant be his friend as its not returned.I am unsure wether to give him the ultimation to sort things ut once and for all yet I am sacred of his reactions. I have realised how much I love him during our time apart and he does say he loves me but it seems hollow.What shall I do I cant keep living like this as my health is severely suffering.
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female
reader, True Sweetheart +, writes (14 December 2005):
Then don't go on "like this". No one says that you have to stop loving him... but you will never be happy if loving him costs you your self respect (and what's more he won't love you if you don't have self-respect).
So get your priorities in order. First things first... Your self-respect gets priority over his fickle wishes. From now on - no matter how it turns out.
From that point on - if you get closer or grow apart - it will be with the right premise - so things will have to get better, no matter how the relationship turns out with this one.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 January 2005):
 I am sorry to be brutal but it seems very much to me as if your ex-boyfriend is using you for when it is convenient for him. He ignores you when you need him but you are there constantly for him. You are making it very easy for him!This is not going to be simple for you because of how you feel but you do need to say to him that you want a loving partner who is there for you as well as you being there for him. You want someone who can tell you how they feel and that you deserve someone who wants to be with you and support you emotionally. Tell him you deserve better and that if he isn't up to the job, then he must live without you.I can't predict what he may do then. It may make him change but the chances are, it won't. He sees you now as an soft touch and he has been taking advantage. Proove to him that you can do better by going out and making new friends. Seek out your own independence and you will feel happier.
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