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anonymous
writes: My boyfirend has two mates from Uni who are girls. This was not a problem apart from a couple of pangs of jealousy, which is natural? One of them sends him text messages all the time which is sort of ok its just that the content of some of them is what I would call flirty ie I wish you were her so you could keep me occupied! and when she found out he had a job with a uniform she said "I like a man in uniform! I think this is out of order considering she knows he is with me and has been for 3 years. I asked him to put her straight but he wouldnt as he did not think there was any need to as she is just a mate. This has been going on for about 6 months now and it has finally come to a head. When I was drunk I sent a message to her mate from my boyfriends phone saying that I thought the other mate fancied me. What a stupid thing to do but I think i just need a reaction.When I told my boyfriend I had done this he went mad and told his mates it was me. The mate I txt sent him a message calling me a 'crazy bitch'which i was livid about. He says he is going to ring them both and explain why I sent the message but Im not sure if I can accept that they are still going to be his friends.Am I over reacting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2005): YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW!! I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend. All his friends are girls who are "really close mates" and they even go to the extent of going out one on one and spending time toghether..he will even push me away to go out with them since they are his friends and he doesnt wanna forget about them. However, relax, your not over reacting. The fact that you guys have been togheter for 3 years gives you every right to know what is going on. Even if they are just close friends, there is no need to flirt. He should be more than happy that he has you on his arm. On top of that, its just a matter of respect. Lets say one day your friend see's him on the street with his "mate" and they are flirting away and she comes back and tells you what she saw, this is gonna look really bad, so he has to respect you and respect the relationship. Even if they are good mates, things change, time changes and if he wants to be with you he has to adapt to that change. And if he's not ready then maybe he's not good enough for you. ASk him to picture the situation where you have really good male mates..and they are texting you in the same flirty way every day or so..I am pretty sure he would get really upset. And just let one of your girlfriends text you one day something like that sohe can get a taste of his own medicine. Its not fair to you if your putting so much in the relationship and you get treated this way in return. If he chose to date you then that is who he is dating and no one else.Espicially after 3 years, and if he cant deal with that then tell him that he better start flirting harder with the girls because you wont be around for long. YOu can find the right guy who will respect you and value your love and not drift else where from time to time. Cuz after all...if you dont do that to him then why should you take it from him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2005): YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING!!!I have this problem with my boyfriend. He has a really close "girl" friend who texts him all the time and he also texts her and the content of her msgs really make me angry - "i miss you so much", "we have to meet up soon", "can't wait to see you", "love lots". She has a boyfiend but sent my boyfriend another message saying that she would only go where he was going coz she wanted to spend new year with him! I think she has something for him because to cover herself she always goes on about guys that like her around him and she always touches him when she talks to him. But just like your boyfirend he is like "we are just good mate etc" but I don't like it either. I think maybe you should have a serious talk with him and make him see where you are coming from, explain how you feel. if he doesn't try and understand he could be in denial or not the guy for you?" iI really don't want to jump to conclusions though. Forget about the mate that called you a "crazy bitch" they know nothing. You have to put your foot down! Good luck
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