A
female
age
41-50,
*tilldevastated
writes:my husband left me for another woman after 11 years of marriage. Worst of all its a woman we knew from our sons baseball team. I am still devastated at all the horrific things he's done to me since we separated. We have two kids, 10 and 2, and he has three other kids from two other woman. He had cheated on me at least two other times and I took him back. I was actually considering forgiving him this time too, but he didn't let her go and was playing with me for the first two months. When I started demanding and I guess getting in the way of his new relationship, which he denied until maybe a month and a half ago, things got ugly. Restraining orders were filed by the girl and myself, she lied some outrageous accusations on her paperwork, she is a bad person, was knows as the slutty mother of the baseball team, and has him in check.. So controlled he hasn't given his new cell phone number(under her name) to any of the mothers of his children. He stopped paying child support for everyone, and is only concentrating on this woman and her two kids!! He's now drinking, getting into fights(suffered a broken jaw from a fight at the beach) has been verbally cruel to me on the phone while next to her, I guess to make her feel good. I see know that his ex's weren't psycho as he made them out to be, because I've left him alone, and he still portrays me as the horrible wife and crazy person. He plays the victim and she believes him. She is 5 years younger than him, and it can't be midlife crisis because he's only 32. I've started to move on, just started talking to other men, but I can't help how he has just left, left me with all the bills, all the stuff in the house and says he hates me. And that it was all my fault, but I know I was a good wife, not a perfect one, but a good one. WHile were still in some sord of talking terms he constantly put me down, by telling me how this girl would always be his friend no matter what, how she understood him, how she treated him like a man should be treated..He moved in with her, just after 3 months of separation. I stopped letting him see the kids, because on numerous occasions I had to pry them from him because he was drinking and driving, had no car seat, I don't know who this man is. I dont know what happened. We had actually just come back from vacation when all this happened. I dont' want him back, but I do want him to regret it. But he seems so happy and so in love? He has cheated on all his woman. I guess my question is, has this happened to any other reader, and what the outcome was, did he regret it, did he not.. Mine doesnt even care about his kids!
View related questions:
cheated on me, his ex, move on, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, stilldevastated +, writes (19 October 2008):
stilldevastated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer questions : I didn't know he had the third daughter until after we were married and we already had one son. I only knew of his two daughters. Then one day he got served with child support papers, and he told me the woman was psycho and the child wasn't his. Well it turns out it was, after a paternity test. This daughter is just 6 months younger than his eldest. So she is between the ages of his two daughters from this other woman. Hence, he cheated on her too. Ironically, he had an every two year itch where I would catch him talking to other woman, I'd throw him out and he'd come back two weeks later.. I guess cause it didn't work out with the other woman, despite, that, he was good at home, never went out, didn't drink, helped around the house immensley, and even cooked almost every night!! So this cruel ugly side of him, I didn't get to know until now.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 I'm so sorry for what you're going through.If he was drinking and driving, though, I hope that you told the authorities. Your ex-husband belongs in jail.I think that Birdynumnums has said everything else better than I could.Good luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): All I can say is WOW!!!! This is quite a situation.As easy as this may sound but hard to do, girl...you have to move on. This man is a womanizer. Having multiple kids from different women should have clued you in from the get go. Restraining orders....? Gosh, how much more can you take? Is this a small town? Take your kids on a mini vacation away from DRAMA. Take care of your kids and live your life in great change for yourself and kids.
...............................
A
female
reader, stilldevastated +, writes (19 October 2008):
stilldevastated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn answer to some of the posts. Thank you to all who have replied with really encouraging words. The reason I stopped letting him see the kids, is because he was constantly putting them in danger. Drinking and driving with both her kids and mine and of course her there. She may be okay with it, but I am not. He hasn't even bothered to buy a car seat for our 2 year old daughter! The day he got into a fight at the beach, his 14 year old nephew was there as well as this woman. Needless to say, both him and his nephew ended up hurt at the hospital. If my kids would've been with them, what could've happened to them? I'm not going to lie to all of you, I am resentful, and even if he was not doing these things I would still not want my kids with this woman with no morals, but the fact is those other dangerous circumstances is what is making me hold them back, for their own safety.
...............................
A
female
reader, mellons  +, writes (19 October 2008):
Hi
I sense this man was a looser from the beginning but as usual being a woman you have tried your best to work at making the marriage a better one for both of you and the children. You are clearly hurt because of what he did to you all but lets face it his track record was the writing on the wall. He is a player and will sooner rather than later do the same to this woman. Forget about the years you have been married and forget about the fact that he has left you with the children and the bills and say to your yourself "thank god I have escaped at last".
This man is no example of a good father nor a husband and should be left to wonder the globe on his own. It is obvious that he will never learn and so why would you ever consider taking him back at any time. You are bitter, but I urge you to let the children see him as they will be able to make their mind up and form their own opinions of him which I am sure will not be positive. Tell your self that you can rebuild your life and it will happen and don't feel at this early stage that you need to start talking to other men or starting a new relationship. Take time out for yourself and your children, seek new interest and give yourself a good make over and discover the real you - positive and in control of your future without having to constantly look back at the past. Seek a divorce and see your husband as a past bad experience that you never want to remember.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Wow, the best thing that can happen to a woman(you) with a husband like that, is for him to fall in love with someone else and leave...you're Free from this misery!!! I've just exhaled for you.:) He doesn't even care about his kids? That's as low as you can go. He 'looks' happy on the outside, but he's got alot of growing up to do.
You're still young...there's Alot of hope for your future. Now you can experience the love of a REAL man. It'll be euphoric compared to what you've gone through...I'll say a prayer for you today...
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Two sayings popped into my head -
The best revenge is living well!
and
When People show you who they are, believe them the first time. - Maya Angelou (Oprah's favorite saying).
You did know what he was like a long time ago. Unfortunately, you thought he would never treat you the exact same way that he has treated every other woman. Even when he cheated, you chose to take him back and gloss over his lack of character. I can only assume that he has finally found his match, because she sounds like a total cow. My advice to you is to talk yourself into believing that he deserves her, for they are TRULY a match made in hell. Don't get down into the mud with either of them.
You are so much better off without this guy in your life, and you will have to convince yourself of this in order to make things easier on your children. No matter what he has done, they still need to think that he can, in some way, be a part of their life. You need to take the higher ground here. You children already have him as a bad example of a parent, so you can show them how to rise above this behavior and show them how a grown up is supposed to behave. They need you to get over all of this hurt too. I'm sure that you will find a much more loving man than this, and you deserve to be truly loved. A real man knows that the most important job that he has in life is to be an honest, loyal and faithful spouse, and I know that there is a guy out there who will love you this way. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. I hope that you have family and friends nearby and some shoulders to lean on.
...............................
|
