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female
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anonymous
writes: I came to live in Switzerland 11 years ago because of a man that I loved. I was very young at the time we got together (20 years old). He was the same age as me. We stayed together for 2 years and then he told me he wanted to marry me. I just panicked as I was very young and broke up with him over the phone and gave him a lousy excuse to break up. After the break-up he tried to get me back but I wasn't interested. We stayed friends for 2 years after the break-up and then lost touch.It's been 9 years since we broke up and I still think of him to this day. I never met a man as nice as him ever since. I found out that he got divorced 2 or 3 years ago and lives near me. I sent him 2 postcards, one in February 2005 and one for his birthday saying that I still live in Switzerland if he would like to get in touch and be friends. I kept it very light and friendly. He never replied to either of them.Do you think I should make one last attempt to contact him this Christmas or is it best to leave things alone? I know for a fact that he lives alone and doesn't have a girlfriend. A friend of his told me that he is still a bit depressed after the divorce.What do you think I should write in the Christmas card?He tried to get me back several times in the first six months of the break-up but I kept saying “no”. Then we stayed friends for two years but he kept trying to hurt me. Once he said “I want a woman who is both beautiful and nice and not just nice, but not very pretty like you". Another time he asked a friend of mine out on a date. Do you think he probably just did those things to hurt me or do you think that perhaps he doesn't care about me any more?Thanks!
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female
reader, True Sweetheart +, writes (14 December 2005):
I think that you should contact him and let him know what you have told the anonymous public here at Ask Cupid. Tell him that you were too young when you turned down his marriage proposal, that you have never met anyone you cared for as much since, that you can't stop thinking about him, and that you are ready to give it a real try. Keeping it "light" or trying to be "friends" is an affront to someone who made it clear that he wanted you for life and whom you rejected. He deserves to know that you regret your youthful insensitivity to his feelings. He also needs to be told that this unkind words caused you such pain that it has been difficult for you to come to this realization.
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (13 December 2005):
 He was probably just trying to hurt you at the time he said those things, after a break up sometimes people say things they don't mean just to get a reaction. If you have already tried to contact him twice and he has not replied it may be because he is trying to leave your relationship and the pain you caused him in the past, after all he is going through a difficult period as a result of his divorce. If you were to contact him again, I would say to do the same as you did before and keep it very light and friendly, however you need to tell yourself that if he does not return your interest in becoming friends again you are done this time. Often times we get stuck in a place where we can't help but wonder what could have been, you might find that if you were able to get yourself into a commited relationship with him again you would realize it was never what you wanted and that's why you ran in the first place.
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