A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I have a question regarding virginity. I know is a question that’s probably asked a lot, but I wanna know if what I’m feeling is stupid or normal. I’ve just turned 20 and I’m still a virgin. I’ve never been kissed, never had any interest from women. In fact I’ve never even held hands with a girl. Is this normal? Or is it weird? All of my mates have had gf/bfs or are in a relationship currently, they always talk about who they’ve been with or who there talking to at the moment etc. then they ask me about my past relationships, who I’ve slept with or whatever, and I just end up lying about it. I feel left out when they talk about it, relationships and love sound so nice and I hate the fact that I have no experience in this area!I’m at university, as a graphic design student so I enjoy art. I do martial arts on the odd occasion, enjoy listening to music, watching films, just the usual stuff I guess. I try and meet people with the same interests as me but still I can’t seem to find a girl who will give me the time of day. I recently asked a girl to go to the pub with me, she came along and all was good. But she only came as a friend, when I told her that I liked her she ran a mile. I wouldn’t say I’m very attractive all, ugly in fact. Everyone has said I’m attractive, but I think that they are just trying to make me feel better. And obviously I can’t ask anyone to rate me, because I haven’t got a picture lol. I’m quite quiet as well, and under confident ....very under confident! Which I know is probably the main problem, if I hate everything about myself then surely everyone else must dislike me as well!? I have told my housemate that I’m a virgin. He said it doesn’t matter that I am, and that life is saving that perfect girl for me...but I think he just pities me, knowing that I can’t get girls to like me for more than a minute! Every time I ask a girl out, they always say ‘you’re a nice guy, but you’re not my type’ or ‘I’m not looking for a relationship right now’. The girls who say that always seem to end up in a relationship with someone the next week whenever I check their facebook :/. It’s not sex that I’m looking for, not at all! It’s just some companionship, support and love that I would get from someone, and I could show them the same in return...obviously it would be nice though to have sex, we're all human! But I have a funny feeling I'm going to be like the 40 year old virgin!Sorry if this sounded winey and boring lol, but I needed to express it in some way or another. Is it normal that I feel like this? Or am I just a weirdo who can’t get a girl to save his life!
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (15 October 2012):
"I've just turned 20 and I’m still a virgin. I’ve never been kissed, never had any interest from women. In fact I've never even held hands with a girl" Actually you HAVE had interest, and I can practically guarantee that. Your problem is that at age 20 you have no idea of how to interpret the signals that women give to indicate their interest, or interpret their body language. A woman rarely makes an overt move. What she will do is subtly indicate that if YOU make a move, she'll respond positively, and as things continue she will indicate (again subtly, and stage by stage)you should move things along. Her initial approach can be as subtle (yes, that word again, but get it into your mind)as simply standing slightly closer to you than usual.
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Yes it's really normal. Don't believe half the stuff your friends say, and don't feel bad about where you are at right now. You're still young. There's nothing wrong with not having any experience at that age.I'm not quite sure what you should do about it. Good for you for asking girls out, that's great. But if they're not interested maybe you're going for the wrong girls, or you're just the type of guy that girls need to get to know well first. And lack of confidence might be coming across, and that fact that you're desperate for something to happen. So maybe concentrate on simply socialising and making friends. Gain experience just talking to women and getting to know them, without the goal of something romantic of physical hanging over it.I'd also suggest concentrating on your education and hobbies and passions. Don't stop trying to get dates, even if you get shot down it's good practice. But don't put so much importance on it.So I guess it comes down to finding a balance between perseverance, because you'll never get anywhere without perseverance, and not being too fussed if nothing happens.And stop putting so much emphasis on your looks, and comparing yourself to your mates. None of that will help.I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 " He said it doesn’t matter that I am, and that life is saving that perfect girl for me..."
I agree with your room-mate. Why so negative? Your problem right now is that you don't like yourself. My bet is that you probably have tons of women around who are eager to date you, but you're so pessimistic you don't see them.
My boyfriend was a virgin until he was 24. He thought he was unattractive, had no confidence, never asked a girl out even (so he suffered worse than you I guess). He had never kissed, never held hands, never anything with a girl. The only times he'd seen someones boobs was at his job at an elderly home. And those boobs you'd rather not have seen.
Anyway, he thought no woman was interested in him. Which is the most ironic things of it all, because he had women waiting in line. I knew him for 8 years before we became an item, I saw how other women looked at him. I even tried my best to flirt with him right from the day I met him, but he turned me down constantly, and I thought he wasn't interested. Turns out he just didn't realize I was flirting with him, and thought I was just being nice, or being a friend, or whatever. So he never flirted back, and was thinking no one wanted him so he didn't even dare try to flirt with anyone. He thought it'd be improper or something. He thought women would run a mile... So he never did anything.
I swear, he could have just kissed me and half of all the women he knew any time, and he'd get whomever he wanted. I'm pretty sure some would even have dumped their boyfriends for him if he had asked them to be with him.
So until he was 24 he went around thinking just like you. Until I had to tell him, bluntly and right to his face "I like you, do you want to be in a relationship with me??". I swear I even told him I loved him a few years before that and he still didn't get it. I gave him a Valentines card, the only Valentines card I've ever given a boy, and he still didn't get it. He thought I just wanted to be friends.
He is a lot more attractive than his friends, his best friend even looks like a fat slob. Not attractive at all, with man boobs. But this friend got girlfriends, because you know.. it isn't about looks. The friend is outgoing, flirty, and hooked up. My boyfriend thought that was what women wanted, and since he looked like the complete opposite it must mean that the friend is the attractive one, and he himself isn't. My boyfriend even compliments this friend when he's not even around, telling me that he's handsome, and good looking. Because that's what he thinks he is... But trust me, this friend really isn't good looking. My boyfriend on the other hand stops traffic. But he is blind to it!
I went on vacation with my boyfriend recently and every employee of the hotel came over to us every day telling me how lucky I am to have him, complimenting him. He's gorgeous, but has NO idea.
So if your friends, or people in general, tell you you look good: FOR HEAVENS SAKE BELIEVE IN IT.
If I hadn't be unbelievably bold that day and directly told my boyfriend how I felt and what I wanted.. he'd still be single and a virgin, and he'd still think no woman was attracted to him. But, I'm rare. It is extremely rare for a woman to try and try for several years and then be bold enough to tell a guy, after several rejections, that she is interested in him and want a relationship. Women just don't do that, people just don't do that. You don't just go over to a woman who's ignored you for several years and ask her to be your girlfriend, right?
Well, I am willing to bet you have women who's had their eyes on you for a while, but you're turning them down without realizing it.
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A
female
reader, starstrukkx3 +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Don't worry. This doesn't sound whiney at all. :)I'm 17, and also a virgin. Like you, I've never had sex, never been kissed, never held hands with a boy - I guess I'm a virgin in every sense of the word. I've liked guys whom haven't seemed to like me back. It's completely normal, don't worry.When I was in school, a girl in my class lost her virginity aged too young. I knew instantly that I didn't want to be like that girl. You should be glad that you still have your virginity. I am. If I'd have lost my virginity to the people I'd been interested in a few years or even a few months ago, I would only look back with regret. While your friends may have lost their virginities, it doesn't make them any more important or attractive than you. As for attractiveness, all I can say is it sounds like you are underestimating your appearance. I have no idea what you look like, but your friends have told you you're attractive and you should believe them! :) And think of it this way: would you rather be absolutely drop dead gorgeous and give your virginity to someone who only wanted to have sex with you for your looks, or would you rather be "ugly" and make love with somebody genuinely interested in the real you??Also, don't be disillusioned by people who talk about sex so openly and matter-of-factly. I suspect that the last time half the people in my class who obsess over their sex life were actually involved in sexual intercourse was when they were concieved!Listen to your friend - maybe it's best you should wait for the right girl, who loves the way you look but also loves everything else about you. Obviously the choice is up to you, but if you feel that you've been waiting a long time to lose your virginity, why not wait a little longer until you've found a nice, stable relationship, just to make losing your virginity more special? :) Hope all goes well for you. :)
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