A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi...It all started when my mate and his girlfriend were going through problems. Me and his girlfriend had became good friends cause we spent alot of time going out and partying together with our other friends too. Then one thing led to another and I found myself in bed with his girlfriend. I made sure nothing happened because I didnt feel comfortable with this. They ended up breaking up not long after and we continued to spend alot of time out together.But then as the months grew on we both realised we had feelings for each other and those feelings have turned into genuine feelings of love. However, her ex-boyfriend, who I was never good mates with before is still trying to get her to dump me and go back with him... after about 7/8 months! When I've never really done anything wrong to him since I got with her when she was single.He texts her and meets up with her 3/4 times a week. They've always been best friends even bother they started going out so they dont want to lose each others friendship but I'm struggling to handle the fact that my girlfriend is still best friends with her ex... and that he dislikes me and wants to break us up.What should I do? I've tried my best to accept their best friends and I trust that nothing sexual is going on. But it's just so hard because I know he dislikes me and will take every opportunity to get her back. Should I tell her that she cant be that close to both of us? and has to pick one or the other? or should I just get on with it and stop being jealous/insecure even though I know she loves me.I dont want her to completely stop talking to him, I just want them to have some healthy space so he can finally move on with his life and meet someone new because right now he's just sitting around waiting and praying for us to break up.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 You have every right to ask her to stop seeing her ex. They weren't best friends before, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess you are reluctant to say anything to her out of guilt that she was his in the first place. This is the reason why you should never date your friends ex's. Sounds like she likes to play games and play people. She must know the problems that she has caused by becoming involved with the both of you, don't you think? First, she made him jump through hoops, now it's you.
That was in the past, though, and now that she is your girlfriend, you should tell her to stop seeing him and end their friendship or end your relationship. It's time she made up her mind and chooses instead of jerking you both around. She knows that she is encouraging him and his behavior and she is also aware that this is all at your expense and eating away at you. You are making excuses for her behavior.
Sorry if this is harsh, but I have known girls like this, and they just love the power and all the drama that they are able to provoke, they're not so good at actual loving behavior and caring about other peoples feelings, however. Good Luck Dear, I'm afraid before all this is over, you are going to need some. I suspect that you would be happier with someone who cared solely for you alone, rather than being a part of this triangle. Unless you have children together, there is absolutely no reason to still be friends with an ex, and statistically, it probably only works 1% of the time. Ex's are USUALLY ex's for a good reason.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 April 2008):
I think it's perfectly fair to ask your girlfriend to spend less time with a guy who is trying to steal her away from you.
Talk to her and tell her above all that you love her and trust her. But you are worried about his behaviour and get hurt because she spends so much time with her.
Don't ask her to do anything but take your feelings into account. She should offer to see him less or just spend more quality time with you.
Then you have to take her out more, fill up her times doing fun coupley things so she doesn't have the time to go and see him.
Make her see that you are the man of her dreams and she will
want to spend every minute of her time with you.
Good Luck!! xx
Good Luck!! xx
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