A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:ok so im gay, been out for a while nowso short story: a bi guy "came out" to me i guess last yearlong:This guy would come to my school to visit his girlfriend, but we'd socialize to (i didnt know him before he'd come to visit her, nor did I even know her)Later he came out to me, and I didn't really know what to do, and it was awkward when we ran into each other at my school again.Now fast forward to like 1-2 months ago, over summer, he "asked me out" over an on-line facilty.I said "no". I kind of felt he was just "using" me because he maybe didnt know what he wants..?Anyways, I feel like there's still loose ends. I tried to contact him and see if "we were cool"-type thing, but he gave my monosyllabic answers ending in periods so I could tell something was wrong. Am I right in thinking its not as "clean" as he says? I'm fine, but I know from personal experience growing up LGBT is hard and confusing... I don't want to leave him scarred.Also, to add to the awkward-ness, the girlfriend who he was originally coming to visit when we met, she's my semester-long partner in math. I have NO idea if she knows about what happened, but if she does, she could think I'm the sleaziest person ever for not talking to her about it... And if she doesn't, should I tell her? That her ex is bi? That he asked me out? What if I was the reason they broke up?!I'm just stuck in the middle of this really awkward, complicated thing, and I don't want to hurt a bunch of people... Please help, thanks...
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (15 September 2011):
There really isn't drama here. If the guy doesn't want to speak then don't greet or text. But that doesn't mean go around sharing his confessions with u to other people, that's confidential. As a lesbian I would be quite devastated if I disclosed my newly found sexual preference with someone and that someone felt obligated to tell someone else. He TRUSTED you. Don't betray his secret. His ex girlfriend isn't in any situation where this information is important to her....meaning they are not a couple. Forgive me but it seems a bit malicious to share it with anyone especially his ex gf. It's as if ur saying okay since you're acting funny with me I'll share ur bisexuality with ur ex gf. You never even stated that his ex gf is ur friend. What's done is done, let them both move on as they are doing, do not pour salt on the wound by telling what u know. You would scare him in the closet and he may never again trust a GLBT person. So pls, let him when he is ready tell the people who he is comfortable with. Just be his exs study partner n that's all. I do commend you for turning down his advances toward if he was in a relationship at the time. That speak volumes of you, in good measure. So continue being her study buddy and a good person, let him tell when he's ready. Best wishes and congratulations on being open about who you are and what you like.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Well I don't think you should tell his ex anything that he has told you in confidence. If he wanted her to know he would have told her and sharing this information about him without his permission could actually make the situation a whole lot worse.
I suspect the reason he is being slightly 'off' with you is due to feeling embarassed. No one likes to think they face rejection when they ask somebody out and it's probably making him feel slightly awkward talking to you.
Give him time. He needs to think about things and pretty soon the feeling of rejection will have died down and he may be ready to talk again. Let him know you're there if he ever needs to chat and then give him some space.
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