A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, first I gotta give a little background. My mum died when I was real little (I'm talking like 2) and my dad remarried within about a year and half or something. The woman who he got married had a kid too, lets call her Steph, who was about a year younger than me. They've both been there pratically my whole life, I mean I call my step-mum mum, her and my dad have had two more kids and I see Steph just like I see the two of them, like a little sibling, maybe a bit closer to her as she's closer in age to me. From being little though she's always been a little obsessed with me, like she'd not let me play other people if she wanted to play with me and stuff, but I thought it was cool, I mean she was my sister and she was my friend too. I thought she felt like that about me too but a couple of months ago we were at a friends party and she sorta tried to come on to me. I asked her what the hell she was doing but she just played it off as a joke, but then it happened a few times again in the next couple of weeks.Right so, about four weeks ago I got a girlfriend, and when I told everyone they were all happy, asking when they could meet her and stuff but then Steph asked me if she could talk to me outside for a minute. I go outside with and she starts ranting at me about how I can't go out with this girl because the only one good enough for me is her and that she loves me and everything. I tried to tell her that I only see her as a little sister, I mean we've grown up together and everything, but she just won't listen! I really don't know what I should do, should I tell out parents? Or anyone or should I just deal with it between the two of us? I don't want to deal with it in a brutal way, I don't want to loose my relationship as siblings with her, if that isn't already lost by now. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (8 June 2010):
You've had sound advice so far. I'll try and provide some advice from Steph's perspective, as I've been in a similar situation.
When I was 16 I was head over heels in love with my nephew. I practically grew up with the guy and I had always been fond of him, until at one point I just knew it was more than that for me. I don't know how the laws apply here, but in my country it's forbidden.
At one point I was acting a bit awkward around him (love will do that to you) and he asked me what was going on. I blurted out the truth--that I fancied him. He just stared at me wide-eyed and told me he loved me like family, but nothing more. Ofcourse I was heartbroken, but I wasn't stupid. I knew it is prohibited by law and that there was a big chance he didn't like me.
Ofcourse I was afraid our friendship was ruined, as he remained distant months after. After a while he came up to me to make a deal: he wanted to stay friends with me, on the condition I started viewing him as a friend/family and nothing more than that. He said that if I really liked him and valued what we had, I could do this.
Ever since I've never made a pass at him again, nor looked at him 'in that way'. Ofcourse it took a while before I stopped loving him romantically, but I believe it went quicker because I was making a point of not showing it.
Today, at 20 we're still good friends and I've become to really view him in that way. What also helped was that he trusted me to 'do the right thing.' What I mean by that is that he didn't give me wary glances or anything else that indicated he didn't trust me when I was close to him. That really helped.
So my advice is: take her with you somewhere where you cannot be bothered by family but where people are around.
So a shopping centre, a park, etc. Tell her you want to talk this issue over you're having because you value her friendship. Then tell her again, firmly, that you view her as a sister and that the thought of starting something romantically feels like incest to you. Tell her you understand she can't help how she feels, but if she values what you two have, she puts those feelings aside.
It worked for me. Good luck! Don't involve your parents unless you really say no way out of this.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Soon.. that was the only law that was applicable.. I meant if you can't have sex with her, you can not marry her and thus there can be no romantic relationship.
I did not mean to imply that there was any dishonourable in this guy.. However, young girls are a different matter.. Have you not seen the "I want to have my teacher", letters we get on this board.. It is best that this young man protect himself.. young women can be stubborn.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Its not a big problem. Talk to her, make her realize that her love for you is for a "brother" because she grew up with you. She has just mistaken it for sexual love. Just talk about it.
And its best you don't get your parents involved...
And also get her a boyfriend
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 June 2010):
Yep, sexual activity with family member.. sister is under 18, you is over 18... and is stepsister and stepbrother, and lived in house together... sexual activity forbidden, maximum penalty 14years imprisonment for person over 18...
Outlined under subsection 27 of the Sexual Offenders Act 2003 (UK).
However no matter what the law says, you don't fancy her, she is your sister and she must be told that firmly, or your parents will have to deal with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
Sorry will take time.. law changed 2003, and nobody is quite sure what the law says on sex and relationships...
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 June 2010):
No easy way to do this.. she is your sister and that's how you see her.. she can have her dreams, but she has no right to demand you love her and be her boyfriend.
Not sure about the law...stuff.. I'll go and look it up for you.. will take me a while though.
You need to create distance.. cut the friendship ties.. firmly state that you love her like a sister and the thought of anything happening makes you feel sick because to you that is incest and perverted.. dosen't matter what the law says, that's how you feel.
Be carefull, watch her.. young girls in love do crazy things.. keep your bedroom door locked, don't be alone with her, little things like that.
mmm.. yes, it would be a good idea to talk to which ever parent you think is better to deal with this. Just explain that you think she may have love feelings, your not sure, and you could be wrong, but if she is in love with you, what should you do.. I think a little hint may be all your parents need to take her in hand and guide and support her..
Unfortunately, love like this seldom goes away.. unfortunate for her.. you made a big impression on this young girl..
...............................
|
