A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI am basically looking for advice as I fear my decisions are absed on love clouding my judgement.I have been dating my gf for 5 years. During that time we have had virtually no problems with our relationship. The only time I brought our trust into question was when I found her chatting to an ex and sending him pics of her 'bits'. I of course was well pissed off and made it clear to her. She retaliated to me saying i should not have been checking up on her-I wasn't. MSN chat saves on the computer and it was shown up on a virus scan on mine. Anyway slowly I regained the trust again as when the incident happened we were only a year into our relationship.I have always found my gf to tell little white lies nothing really major and what I think/thought - nothin to worry about.However I found out last week while tidying up, there were letters from debt collectors and one from her previous employer saying she was sacked for stealing £80 from the company. She told me that she was paid off owing to the credit crunch.I brought the subject up with her asking why she couldn't speak to me about this and how I find it has affected the trust in our relationship. I advised to get professional advice, which she has.Am I right to just let this pass and not expect any problems like this in the future or should I think about going our seperate ways?
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female
reader, britbrit  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Okay, if you feel stealing, lieing, and cheating goes against your morrals, then i think yu need to reavaluate your relationship with her. It sounds like everytime you bring something up she turns the situation to flip it on yu, && that my dear is not right. Just because you so happen to stumble upon some letters does not mean anything negative. She would've done the same if she were on the othere side of this situation. so tell her to stop her compulsive lieing because it's getting old and to stop trying to flip it on yu. she needs to get a grip...and so do yu.
Be strong and keep it moving. People dont change overnight and yu should'nt expect her to, that's the person she was b4 she met yu, and that's who she's going to continue being; reguardless of all the help in the world.
...good luck ''/
if anything e-mail me ok.
be sweet;
bRiTBrIt3
A
male
reader, rpsm27  +, writes (24 May 2009):
Trust is really important in any connection whether you are in a relationship or friendship. Maybe that's what's wrong with you two lately, that she cannot open up things like these for the only thing that bonds you both is your relationship and there is no or there is less friendship. This might be the root of everything.
And for making the decision, you should not look at it as you are obliged to, if you feel like you are not happy or you will just be thinking more about how she cheated in the past and how she broke your trust, then it will come again and again which we know is really unhealthy for anyone. You have to be certain about your emotions first. It doesn't matter if you are 10 or 15 yrs together, what matters is what is happening right now and what else you can do to either make things better or just think about how you two can move forward whether with each others hand or both on separate ways.
Goodluck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): The fact that you are not sure you can trust her rings alarm bells. Relationships are built on trust, without that it's pretty difficult.
I think this depends on how much it is bothering you. If you are feeling really insecure in this relationship, then it might be a good idea to get out of it, before you start to feel really paranoid, or lose self-esteem.
But if you really don't want to be without her, then she needs to understand that she has to start being open and honest with you. Without that, things may remain difficult.
I hope things work out okay for you. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): You can not trust her! I'm sorry, but it sounds like she is very untruthful with most people around her. I don't think it's worth your trouble and she will pobably end up hurting you.
You should have a serious think about your relationship.
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