A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Every man thats ever been in my life except my dad and current boyfriend has hurt me and its given me really bad trust issues. My mum and dad broke up when i was about ten months old and so ive never known them to be together. I have really good parents regardless, they've always been there for me and would drop everything to give me anything i need. My dads always been around and hes a really decent guy, hes like my role model. My mums next boyfriend however wasnt anything like my dad, infact he was the complete opposite. Him and my mum were together for about 13 years. From me being two years old he was always around in my life. He smoked a lot of weed, which made him skitsofrenic and he took his anger out on me from a very young age. At first we got along just fine but once i turned about six he started to hit me, verbally attack me and he frightened the living daylights out of me. I used to have to tiptoe around him, i was petrified. He used to come in my room on a night and threaten to kill me. When i was a bit older, i started to defend myself. He was always jealous of how good my dad was and used to call him names, so i started to hit back. Then he got more and more aggressive until one day he hit both me and my mum and my mum finally got rid of him. I was about 15 by this point.At 14, as most 14 year olds are, i was very naive to the world. Because i felt so much hate and so much of a bad aura at home i wanted love so badly from some other source. Any boy that came along and told me they loved me i would obviously have believed. I was totally smitten with this boy, for about 18 months by this point. We had an on/off relationship, it was an online romance. We used to talk online for a few hours and text each other all the time. We didnt meet til we'd been speaking like that for about 15 months. We got along really well and i was really besotton. On new years day however, out of the blue he dumped me. He had no reason to do it, i'd never done anything to harm him, he just randomly dumped me. I was heartbroken. I wanted to move on and forget him as quickly as i could so then 'sid' came along. 'Sid' was older, cooler, he played guitar in a band, all the girls at school were crazy about him and he was apparently a known lothario, but i knew nothing about him. only that his name was 'sid', he was cute and was paying attention to me for some unbeknown reason. This was only a couple of weeks after my ex had dumped me. We got talking online, and he was talking ever so sweetly to me. We met up a few times and hung out with this other girl who i sort of knew and who was a friend of his. He held me from behind and whispered nice things in my ear, god i was totally smitten. He used to walk me home and tell me he loved me. I totally fell for it. One of his exes told me to steer clear but i thought she was just a jealous psycho ex. Anyway a few weeks later i lost my virginity to him. It was a really sweet, romantic night. I was totally on top of the world afterwards. The next day however i was knocked down. I found out that the other girl we'd been hanging with was also seeing him, he'd also been walking her home and kissing her etc. I was absolutely heartbroken. However, we had it out with him and he chose me, much to my joy. A few days later when i thought it was all settled, the other girl decided to attack me. She got a big gang against me and i was completely alone and didnt want a fight, i stood no chance. 'Sid' then disappeared off the scene. He walked past me every day but said nothing, didnt even smile at me. He just cut me out of his life for no reason. I thought i was special to him but really meant nothing, i was heartbroken.Depressed for a few months, til i met 'jim' who i thought was gonna be love of my life. he came along randomly just when i was considering ending my life actually , we had everything in common absolutely eevrything, id never met anyone like him before. we hit it off instantly. we met up, really got along, it looked like a proper love was finally gona happen for me. THEN after we met he dropped me out of his life, got with another girl and completely just cut me out with no explanation at all. Then i met another man who did the same, we were speaking about 5 months, really getting along, just as i was trusting him and that he wasnt gonna hurt me, he cut me out and got another girlfriend. Then i left it a couple of months, before i met another guy who used me for sex and then left me, completely cut me out.Now its a few months on since i was last hurt. I'm 16 now. i have a boyfriend at the moment who ive been with for two months. We've already moved in together. Hes a good guy, i know he'd never do me any wrong. I know how much he loves me. I know i FINALLY have a good thing. BUT because of my poor experience with men all my life, i just cant fully trust him or open up to him and he doesnt get this. What can i do?? I know i should trust him, i just cant bring myself to do it.
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broke up, heartbroken, his ex, jealous, kissing, lost my virginity, move on, moved in, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Like you said, because of your past, you are searching for something to fill that inner void and you jump right into relationships and use a guy to fill that, and now you've moved in with someone you've only known a couple of months! Trust issues or not, this isn't normal behavior and not a good way to build a solid foundation of trust in a relationship- trust is earned over a slow period of time, not by jumping right in hoping for the best. Most guys that are open to this quick type of attachment aren't the best choices but then again, this could be an unlikely exception. Sounds more like you'll just get validation of why you can't trust men in the first place, like a vicious cycle.
A
female
reader, britbrit  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Girl i went through the same things your feeling.I just got over my hurtle to actually show my boyfriend how i feel. Hun, i understand you feel at times like he'll do the same things to you, it's just a matter of time. But in love, you cant do that. You need to give your all, orr dont try at all. You care for him, you even live with him that's GREAT! but you really need to look in the mirror one day your alone. Tell yourself that he won't hurt you, and if he does it'll all be worth it because in life you go through pain and we grow from it, it makes you a better and a stronger person. Keep repeating this a few times, do it with conviction! When your around him and you get that feeling, just remind yourself give it your all he's worth it. This will not work right away it took me a few months. Buti really hope you get over thoes feelings ok?BEST OF LUCK*be sweet;bRiTbRiT3
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