A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my fiancee lives 4 hours away, his sister travels and sometimes ends up in the same city as him. Whenever his sister is in town, he stays with her at the hotel. I think the rationale is that since her sister's paying for the room anyhow, he might as well use it too. Because he has dinner with her every night, and stays in the hotel with her every night, he's not at home and can't talk to me or chat with me online. At one point I voiced my displeasure, and he stopped doing it, but now he's resumed. I brought up in an email that I understand why he has to have dinner with his sister every night, but that's about it. He hasn't mentioned why he has to stay with his sister every night. Should I bring this up in person and ask him why he has to stay with his sister every night? Or is this a very sensitive topic? (because it's like I don't trust him or think he'd do something improper) I know he is very close with his sister cuz she took care of him a lot when he was in high school.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): This sounds very suspicious. Either this woman is not his sister, and he is cheating on you with another woman, or he is having sex with his sister. Do you know for a fact that this other woman is his sister? Have you met her? I would much rather spend time with my GF than my sister.I suggest you find out what hotel she is staying at, ask him his sister's name, and call the hotel and ask for her. She should have the same last name as him, unless she is married or divroced. Or you could follow him to the hotel and spy on him, or hire a private investigator to follow up. I would try and eavesdrop outside the hotel room and see if you can hear them having sex. That will tell you if he is cheating on you. Or the private investigator could use a remote listeniing device to listen to their conversations and determine if he is having sex with this woman or not.
A
male
reader, pope732901  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I will advice you to just be strong and pretend you don't know whats happening. Because you can't be suspecting him and his sister? Thats not ideal. Just talk to me in person but do not raise the issue about him spending his night with his sister as it might cause a total damage with no REMEDY. If you don't trust him enough why dating him? You should already know what your boyfriend can do and undo.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 The person who said he's sleeping with his sister has no idea that is true. There is nothing clear about it. IF she is in town every once in a while and they spend the night together, what's the problem. If these are actually the facts, what is the issue? How often does this happen? How far apart do they actually live.
If the only concern you have is that you don't get to chat on those days, that is not a very big complaint. How about some more information.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I think you should just turn up (do whatever it takes) at the hotel where they are staying. Make the excuse that you wanted to surprise him romantically - is there a birthday or special anniversary you could tie it in with as an excuse? Something is wrong if you are not able to speak with him - all hotel rooms these days have phones - so people can either dial out or you can call the hotel and get put through to the room. I hope you get to the bottom of this - one things for sure..... it doesn't feel right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Sounds very dodgey to me to be quiet honest! Why can't his "sister" stay at his place while she is in town??? Thats what happens with most families that I kno of - close or not! How well do you kno his family? From what you have seen or kno are they close like that?
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (14 February 2008):
For your own peace of mind and mine if i were you,do some fact finding and find out if she's really his sister.Suggest you visit her sister together and probably book a room so you also spend a nyt there and then see the reactions from both.His behaviour is really strange.I don't know about your culture there but as a man i would rather sleep at my gf's than with my sis in da same hotel room,no matter how close we are.Be more careful about the subject but don't let it die a natural death.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (14 February 2008):
 How often does this happen? Weekly, fortnightly, monthly? That is a very bizarre situation and I would be inclined to question whether it is his sister as well? Very cynical yes, but I just wonder why she would be renting a hotel room with more than one bed every time she's in town - as I assume he is not sharing her hotel bed!?
Perhaps hotels are different over there, but in Australia the standard room comes with one bed and you will generally pay extra for a room that comes with two?
On the other hand the bond within some families can be very far removed from what we are familiar with, this can be frustratingly difficult to grasp when it comes to viewing the actions of your significant other. If she has looked after him all of his life it's quite likely he still feels he owes something to her, and if this behaviour has been a lifelong thing it would be an extremely difficult habit to break.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I don't totally see it as weird. I mean some families are really close and would find it rude or weird if they were in the same city and didn't see eachother every night or as much as they could. Especially since they live in different cities and perhaps don't see eachother that often. I mean my ex boyfriend's family was just like that too. Whenever his father was in town for business he would want us to go spend time with him and have dinner anytime his father was free or available. And whenever his sister would come to town he was always with her too, just like your boyfriend.
But what I DO find strange is that he can't call you when he is with his sister. Doesn't he have a cell phone?? Or a laptop?? He could call you from a room phone or a payphone or borrow her phone. I don't think there is any good reason why he can't call you and is just completely unavailable to you just because he is with his sister. I mean ok his sister is in town and he wants to be with her as much as possible. I think that's fine. But you are the number one woman in his life and he should find the time and find a way to call you or give you a way to contact him even if he is at a hotel with his sister. At least to wish you a good night and tell you about their dinner, make sure you are ok, tell you he loves you and is thinking of you. Cause my ex BF would stay with his family but he would always drop everything he is doing at some point and call me and tell me he misses me and tell me what he is up to and all that. So the fact that when he is with his sister all of a sudden he can't seem to find a way to contact you and is completely unavailable to you is STRANGE. I don't know. That would really bother me too and it just doesn't sound right.
So I don't think you should give him a hard time about wanting to be with his sister but the fact that you can't count on him to call you when he is with her is sketchy. That's something I would definitely question him about. A guy who loves you could be in the jungle in Africa and he would find a way to call you and would give you some contact number in case you want to talk to him. That's pretty standard. I guess you should confront him about it.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Are you sure it is his "sister"? Could he be cheating on you, and just tells you it is his sister? Have you met her yet?
Is it possible for you to attend these hotel visits with him?\
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): He is clearly involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister and you should get a new fiancee. The simplest answer is often the right one.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I think you just have to accept that situation and move on. It is unwise to bring up this topic as it can be a thorn in your relationship.
He has his reasons for doing that.They have a very close rapport and if you bring up this topic , it may look like you are coming in between them.
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