A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I feel so bad about this situation. I have a lots of bad thoughts about my husband in my head,but I tell him I love him. I'm not really a dirty lier,but I just don't have any chance to really tell what I think. The reason mainly because I tried to clear things with him several times, but we could never really resolve things and usually they just got worst. Now I know , the only solution left ,is to leave him. But it is very complicated, as I don't feel ready, to make that step. This is my way to keep this marriage going, but inside me, I'm dead.So I do this partly , because our family is very troubled and my kids, even they are older needs a lot of help,and support. Divorce would hurt them big time,i did try to clear things ,and we even went to counselor, but he is a man who can;t look inside. I think ,it took 10years for me to realize, that we are not going to find the truth or balance. I was advised to leave, but I just can't give up. Is there anybody who had been there? It 's like you know ,you suppose to go , but you don't because you can't believe it won't work ,when you invested so much. We also have real trouble in the sex department, but there is also no solution, as all things were tried already.Its just over you know, but it hurts too much. How can I keep my integrity, and still stay in this marriage?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Thanks, I will try to be positive. But you can't lie to yourself. Or can you?I try to convince myself everyday,that I must keep going with this,but its not happiness. I know, its hard to describe,its just generally, I gave up on trying to make him see my point. And I feel, my new me, is not very truthful,and I miss that. But if I'm true to myself we can't stop fighting,and it would bring the end on us.Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): It seems to be always the women who want to go to counselling.
He is letting you do all the work and not prepared to take steps to resolve it. You don't sound happy. I know it's not easy, but you need to think about what percentage of the time you are happy, and what percentage unhappy. Then you need to ask yourself whether you want this for the rest of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 To increase you self esteem;-
Take full responsibility of your own life and stop blaming others about those ills or problems. Don't think of yourself as a victim.
Mix with those people who can make you feel good and do those activities that you love and enjoy.
Do not judge others and yourself. Don't be too critical of your own self. You are not perfect and accept there are things which are beyond your power or control.
Don't try to change others because you will only get frustrated . You can change your attitudes and when he sees or feels the difference , he will change too.
Don't compare with others because you are unique in your own way.
Live in the present and do not regret the past, it is gone .Don't carry excess baggage. Better to be free and wild than to carry those heavy baggage which is full of those guilts and rubbish.
Do not be too serious about everything.Have fun and laugh alot.
Live everyday and enjoy what it brings. Live one day at a time and do not worry about the future. It is not here yet.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Im sorry
But is hard to know what the problem is, I know I feel the same way, but it is because I found out last year my husband was having an affair, if this is the problem well I do understand, but you havent clarified what the problem is....
would like to give some input but not sure what is wrong sweetie..:-(
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (14 February 2008):
I think you need to work on your confidence , self esteem and your self image.
Firstly, you need to stop thinking negative or view things in a negative manner. You need to change from being a pessimist into an optimist.
When any negatives thoughts come into your head, you need to stop thinking on it and re focus on the positive aspects .
This is called positive self talk. Gradually , you will develop a pattern of thinking only the positive aspects.
You need to think positive, nurture everything positive and have affirmative thoughts always.When you think in the positive, the positive will seek you.
Change your self image he has of you from a mean , bitchy,selfish and stupid into a gentle , smart, competent kind and loving person.Polish up your PRO skills.You need to repackage your self and throw away the old.
This will create a positive self image . You will see things differently from another angle. This will make you feel good and increased your confidence to take on any issues .
Leaving may create more problems.Soldier on to improve your marriage.You need to work on to improve your marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hi,
apart from sex problems you have not told us what the actual problems are. It is too hard to give advice on this alone. What is the "situation" you are referring to, what are these "bad thoughts" , you tried to "clear things" what are these things?
And finally, "Is there anybody who has been there" ..where is that?
People on here are more than willing to offer advice, we just need to know what is troubling you.
...............................
|
