A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so first off im 17, so its a highschool relationship, any how here's the situation. My now ex-boyfriend and i were together for roughly 11 months, our brake up was mutual, then we ended wanting to give our relationship another shot, but the problem was one of us didnt while the other one did, it basically got complicated. but in the end i felt we needed closure just to clear the air but he ends up telling a whole mess of other things. He confesses Only a week after our brakeup he grew not strong..but stronger feelings for his ex again he never fell out of love with his previous girlfriend, who not only did he date a year before us but as well for only a week. now he and i havent talked for about two months, im trying to forgive and forget but its easier said then done. my question for the guys is, #1 He said he loved me, was he just saying this to get in my pants?#2 He and i got together roughly 6 or 7 months after he and his ex broke up, was i just a rebound that just helped him get his mind off her?... and #3 Im not a catty sorta girlfriend, i trusted him and was cool with the fact they were friends, so she and i became friends too, in a guys point of view was it good for me to trust him or kinda stupid? i know it was the past but these questions still linger, so can i have your advice please?
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male
reader, Fragtagonal +, writes (8 December 2010):
It sounds like you are doing what everybody does when a relationship ends like this, over analyzing every little detail. Don't worry, its normal. It actually healthy. What I recommend doing is getting a note book or something and whenever these questions come up and start gnawing away at your soul, write them down! It doesn't have to be neat, or legible. Draw things, scribble, whatever you need to get your feelings on the page. I like to date each entry so I can look back and evaluate how I was feeling, and see which issues come up the most so I know which are the most important to deal with.
Now, you're questions.
#1: Without all the information its hard to say exactly what his love meant. It doesn't sound like he was using you for sex. Did you have sex every time you saw each other? Did he say I love you very early into the relationship? Did you start having sex almost immediately after he said he loved you? If the answers to those questions is yes, then he may have been using the word to take advantage of you, but it could also mean something else. It could mean you two just enjoyed having sex, and there is nothing wrong with that.
#2: No. No. No. It does not sound like a rebound at all. After six or seven months he isn't still killing himself over his ex. He may still miss her, but he isn't still looking for a way to get her out of his head. Trust me, living like that for six months would drive a man insane. I don't think you were a rebound and I don't think you were being used.
#3: The hanging out with an ex question is very dependent on the situation. He hadn't been dating her for 6 months, and you were her friend too? That sounds like a good decision to me. No need to be too jealous. Its nice to remind your guy that you're supposed to be the best thing in his life, but telling him he can't have anything else in his life is ridiculous. You made the right decision. Don't feel doubt.
It doesn't sound, from what you've said, that he was using you are betrayed you. He just sounds like a confused high school boy.
A
male
reader, FreshPrince  +, writes (8 December 2010):
it is quite oten that guys will say what ever the girl wants to hear if it means getting something inreturn this is true. If he said he loved you and meant it, he felt positive about your relationship and how it made him feel. This would negate the fact that your relationship ended.
The chances are he probably always has liked her. there is nothing you can do about it. As you may already know, we want what we cant have. If he think he can have you the chances are he nto going to try. We all like a challenge. If you keep a distance, he'll feel challenged to investigate. If he makes flirtatious remarks, you should play them down, no matter how much you want to return them. You'll find him growing a deeper interest in you. But remember, playing games doesnt always work, people can get hurt and frustrated and a solid relationship should never be founded on games.
I dont think you were a rebound. If they were only together a week, then he would not need a rebound. a Rebound is for someone to fulfill their insecurities left by the leaving of their significant other.
There is nothing wrong with educated trust. You should always trust someone unless given a reason to think otherwise.
This girl may have been sending him signals long before you guys broke up. He wouldnt have been able to send them back, and because you were friends with this girl, you might be informed of it. This may have set up womething he was unable to obtain. Now the relationship with you is finished, he wants it.
I dont think his feelins for this girl are really as strong as he feels. But noone can say for sure. Either way, being involved in a love triangle is no fun for anyone. You can force him to change his mind.
You should try to focus your attention elsewhere. Friends, new friends, school , family work etc...
This guy only plays a small part in your life that im sure will be an exciting one.
Best of luck
FreshPrince
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