A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for about 10 months now. The feeling and chemistry is very strong right from the beginning. Deep down, we just know that 'we belong together' but we can't just work it out. We are good to bring out the best in us, and also the worst in us as well. When we have a 'fight', we will call it off but it will make us very miserably as we miss each other so much. When we meet again in 1/2/3 weeks time, we'll have a cry and vow to work together for our issue and the cycle keeps repeating. I read that some 'soulmate' relationship are like that, as in it is painful relationship. The feeling is so intense and love is so strong. I know deep down that if I'm with someone else, it is quite impossible to have this kind of feeling and she feels the same. Maybe I miss something. The wise one, and some of you who has gone through the same thing again, what's your thoughts? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): Part of your soul requires peace, honesty and a pricipled life. If you do not get this from being with someone, they are not aligned with your soul, and are not a soulmate. What you may be feeling is truly a chemistry of sorts, but if you dont bring out the best in each other, I would not say you are soulmates.
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (20 April 2011):
Hi - my partner and I are exactly the same as you and we have been together ten months also and have broken up probably about six times in total and got back together within 1 or 2 days. Its so horrible for both of us the feelings of breaking up that we just suffer in such an intense way - The love is very intense also which is weird as well - its like a drug and you do feel high when you have it and very low when you do not.
They say this feeling calms down after 2-3 years if you last that long - just stick in and learn to resolve arguments in a constructive way and also learn the triggers that spark them so that you can reduce their frequency and effort required to get back together. I know now that I dont fight as much as I did and just ignoring her works just as well - in fact just being sensitive to her moods will also work cause sometimes is also the time of the month that causes these things.
Anyway good luck with it all - we should post in a years time to all tell our stories to see what happened.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 You call it being soulmates, psychology calls it an emotional disorder: emotional /affective addiction.
Like in any other addiction, when you are without her you miss and crave the high, the "feel good " sensations that you associate with her. But then, you have no idea how to make it work in everyday's life ,because there is something important missing, like compatibility in personalities, or shared values, etc.
If you are a smoker and quit smoking, you'll miss and remember your cigarettes for a looong time, maybe even forever . But, is that pack of Marlboro your soulmate ?......
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A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Honestly, deep down, if you know that despite all of these fights and breakups that you two are really meant to be together, you wouldn't be on this site. Relationships are supposed to have their ups and downs; their fights and their make-ups; their triumphs and their struggles; but you shouldn't ever have to resort to ending it dozens of times if you REALLY and TRULY want to make it work. If things get that bad between you two that you feel you need to break up and not see each other for weeks at a time, you are not at all a healthy couple, and you will never be unless you vow to either stay together for good (no breakups despite the fighting), or you vow to break up for good (no make-ups despite being lonely). Because you both know that you deserve happiness, and you believe you've found it with one another. But no couple is happy who constantly fights and breaks up. It just makes no sense. If you were happy you'd stay together, despite the occasional fights. On-and-off relationships are trying to avoid the unavoidable: that the two people are better off without one another, but are afraid to be alone. You really need to figure out what it is that you two keep breaking up over, because it's not the fight: those happen too often. I hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This situation sounds exactly like my parent's dilemma. They certainly bring out the best and worst of each other. Unfortunately, the worst (abusing alcohol) trumps the best right now, and my siblings and I have paid for it. Somehow they've managed to stay married for 21 years, but I advise caution for you. Ask yourself why you two can't get along. What causes you to fight? Do you bring out the worst of one another more than the best? Can you see where the other person is coming from in an argument?
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