A
female
age
30-35,
*arcode12
writes:last year, i got to know this guy. he's my first ever boyfriend. although i just knew him for a day, i've started to develop feelings for him. my girlfriends did remind me not to fall in love too fast for someone i didnt really know. but i didnt heed their advice. after a month knowing each other he then proposed to be my boyfriend. as time passes by, bit by bit i came know his kind of person. he's an addict. but because i loved him, i accepted him for everything. then, he went into prison for a month for awol(AWOL, absent without leave). i accepted him still. i cried myself to sleep every night without fail. when he got released he didn't have a cell phone with him. so i had to wait for him to call me using his friend's cellphone. sometimes, he don't even call me. which gives me a thought as if we are no longer together. and at times, he just disappeared for a month. but i still continued to wait. i still remembered last year on my birthday. he called to tell me that he was robbed and couldn't get me any present. i was sad, but i don't mind. cause i know having him in my life was the best gift i could ever asked for. after my birthday he went missing for 1 month. i waited without fail. cried myself to sleep again and again. and after a while he came looking for me. i wanted to ask him alot of questions but im afraid he might leave me. so i kept a lot of stuffs which made me so miserable. and then, i came to know that he was on awol again. he had to go prison again. but after he was released a month later, we broke up on 7 september 07. i cried everyday without fail wherever i am. be it in school or outside, i just can't control my emotions.i did ran away from the fact. i turned off my cell phone daily cause i know he will never look for me. but i was wrong. after a month breaking up, i finally got the guts to on my phone. and the first phonecall i received was from him. i was delighted and we started to talk on phone and meeting up more often rather than before. i got to know him better. and i really thought that this time he came back for good. who would have guessed he was on awol for the 4th time. for the first time ever, he said he loved me and proposed me to be his girlfriend once more. i accepted him. in the past, he never dared to touch me. but recently, he went really overboard to the extent of me losing my virginity. a few days after that he got arrested by the police. and was sentenced 1 month in detention barrack. he was released on the 23rd feb. we got into a huge fight. i strongly felt as though as it was my fault. and we haven't been contacting each other. it pains me when he really leave things between us hanging. but a few days ago, he texted me saying that he misses me and will always love me. telling me he would come back to me soon. but was him saying it for real or just to make me feel better. i'm only going on 17 this may and sitting for the major exams. while he is 21. i want to leave him, but i'm afraid no one will accept me and i love him so much. what should i do? thanks for reading my long story.
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Hey there...
It is really hard reading your story as I have had friends in very similar situations and it is always really hard for them to get away from these relationships. The truth is this is a very toxic relationship and getting out of it is not an easy task. It doesn't matter what anyone says, in your heart, deep down (even if you don't want to listen to it) there is a voice that is telling you what you should do, what would be the best choice.
We, however, sometimes need this emotional roller coaster... he has given you a lot of lows (emotionally) but also pretty amazing highs. You feel great when you are around him but miserable when he is ignoring you for a month. If you are more time sad than happy, there is a second sign.
Relationships are supposed to push you to better yourself, to make you feel happy, to make you want to wake up because he will call and thinking of him in difficult times because you know he will help and support you.
Currently he is not able to give you any of that because he doesn't have it. That does not mean he is a bad person or that he hurts you in purpose, he needs help! But, you need to know, you are not the person to help him. If he is an addict, as you say, you might be a codependent, and you should look for help too.
I am a recovering alcoholic and had myself my share of toxic relationships (I was in his shoes though), and I didn't think I was harming them. And I truly didn't want to, but at the end, I really didn't care either. I was too into myself and me having fun. It took a lot of work, time and effort to overcome this. But it was when I decided to do it, how I decided to do it, no one could help me but me. Thank God, every has worked out so far... one day at a time!
There is a lot to look forward for in a relationship. Believe you can be happy with someone and then choose to do whatever it takes to be happy with someone, even if that means being sad for a while!
Hope this helps and very best of lucks!
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