A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i know this is going to sound like the most selfish problem in the world but its really getting me down. I love all my friends to bits and would do anything for them but im constantly the one they all turn to when they have a problems. I am completely flattered and pleased that they all feel that they can turn to me but sometimes it just gets too much. for example, and sorry if this gets really confusing, on saturday we all went out for my friend "anna's" 21st birthday which was going to be a great night. however, my ENTIRE night was literally spent listening to their problems. like for example, i would be sat down with "lucy" listening to her problem when anna would come up and say "hey i need to go to the toilet, do u want to come?" so then i would spend 10 mins in there listenin to anna. Then "abbey" would come in just as me and anna were leaving and say "hey can u stay and sort out my hair" so then i would stay and listen to abbey. then when i finally leave the toilets, "adam" would come up to me and say "lets go to the bar" and then i would listen to his problem. i know this doesnt sound much but because it was happening all through the night (from 7pm to 3am i danced to a total of 6 songs)it starts to get me down.i feel like i cant say no to them as they obviously feel they need to chat, even if (and most of the time it is)it is just about their love lives.am i as selfish as i think i am? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Hi honey,
NO NO NO NO NO your not selfish your just a great great friend who obviously gives the best advise, this is a gift but can also become a bit of a pain now and again, all of your friends obviously think the world of you and really don't realise what they are doing to you at times.
Some days you may be able to handle it other times it seems too much.
Sometimes in life when your what I call a giver you really need to think of yourself, you don't have to tell them No, but there is a time and a place to discuss someones problems.
Explain your always be there for them no matter what and you will give them a call or arrange to go to their place or they drop into you but right now with so many people around your unable to give them 100% of your time because its too noisy etccc..........
You keep up your caring nature darling most people would love to have a great friend like you
A true saying you can also say to yourself: "I WISHED I HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME,"
Godd luck darling and please don't let it get you down I do know how you feel it feels like take take take, but they don't mean it honest
xxxx
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 February 2007):
 I don't think you're selfish, I'm much the same with my friends too. It's strange because you get tremendous power out of being the one they all come to talk to, but at the same time it gets kind of overwhelming.
I really hope this doesn't sound condescending but at your age, every night descends into an out and out drama where if one girl goes home crying, you all do. I think you carry on doing what you're doing only less. If someone wants to talk to you about your love life say you'd love to meet up for coffee the next day to have a proper chat but what you'd really like for now is to have a big, fun night out. You should be able to deal with most crises like that, except for the ones that require immediate attention and might need to spend a few hours comforting someone but don't worry about it. Feel honoured that your friends love you this way.
CD
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 February 2007):
 You are NOT, repeat NOT selfish.
I can understand why you're so distraight about this problem. You sound like a really great friend, and your friends clearly really trust you. I'm sure you don't want to break that trust with them or suggest that they shouldn't feel comfortable opening up to you. But you're getting overwhelmed.
Maybe suggest to your friends, next time one wants to talk to you about something - ask her if you two can have lunch together and talk then. If you're at a club, say, "it's way too distracting here. I think you really need to talk, I'd love to do it somewhere a little less crazy. Lunch on Tuesday?". That might buy you a little time and you can still have a fun night at the club.
I know how you feel, and I truly, deeply sympathize. This problem is a tricky on, it is both a blessing (your friends obviously adore you) and a curse (but their love is overwhelming you).
You are NOT selfish. I'd probably go crazy too! You're a great friend and a real trooper.
xxIndia
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