A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello:)Right, I really need advice about what to do or how to act on a certain situation.I'm 17, and my boyfriend is 19 although he looks about 17 because he's not the tallest and quite skinny. When I first met him I assumed he was around my age.Thought he was gorgeous, his personality matched etc. I think he's quite insecure, but puts on a bit of an act to me.Anyway, since I've known him and got to know his mates, I've noticed a lot of his guy mates joke around and tease him. Now I know guys do this, but sometimes I can see it's a bit more than that and they're actually quite mean and look at each other in a snobby way, but I don't want to hurt his pride so obviously I've not said anything. He has a lot of girl friends, and I think because I'm his first serious girlfriend they take the mick a bit. Like I've seen jokey comments about girls liking him and then all being quite bitchy about it saying 'ewww as if' and so on, but they're his 'friends' so he goes along with it and laughs.It's quite hurtful to me sometimes, because I obviously don't want anyone saying anything in the slightest mean about or to my boyfriend, and I feel for him. But I don't say anything because I know it would hurt his pride because he makes out it's a joke. But it annoys me because he joins in with it, he'll just laugh along with them and I feel sometimes as if he doesn't even know they're being a bit mean, or even that he's encouraging them.Thing is, these are his actual friends!What would you do?Should I just leave him if he's happy about it? He's not ever mentioned it, maybe he genually think it's a joke.xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou!
Yeah now I've thought about it, if he seems happy and it doesn't bother him, it's probably just the way they treat each other, and I'm a girl and not used to it, but boys are like that, haha!
Thanks for your advice x
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Maybe he does, maybe he does not- anyway, let him handle it.
It's very sweet that you have this strong protective instinct toward your bf , and you want to avoid his feeling are hurt or his ego bruised. Deep down, every lover is also a mother , a tiger mom,in fact, who wants to protect his "cub " ( also when the cub actually happens to be older than yourself ! ).
But, that's the point : you are his girlfriend, not his mom. Be supportive , be caring all you want, but... don't be openly motherly, don't set out to avoid him anything potentially unpleasant . That's ultimately ... so unsexy, and deep down makes him feel devirilized. He's the one supposed to protect you, not viceversa.
He is a man, he'll find his own way to handle it, and to stop it when it gets to be too much.
Beside, old time friends have often their weird dynamics that may sound strange to outsiders, inside jokes, pranks, nicknames that seem rude or gross to other people; in fact, it's a sort of code that you haven't cracke yet.
Therefore- unless of course you witness episodes of actual bullying and physical abuse- just ..step back and relax.
...............................
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