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female
age
30-35,
*eautifulxxbrunette08
writes: my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 11 months now. he loves me, i can tell. but something happened earlier in our relationship that still bothers me and i can't ever forget it, how can i let it go? see, about 3 to 4 months into our relationship he was at my house and we were both looking at our 'myspace' when he got a phone call on his cell phone. we were looking at his profile at the time and he got up to go talk but before he walked away, i asked him if i could surf his profile, he said yes. well i was going into his 'saved' messages to look at all of the messages i had sent him and to see how much things had changed and how different things used to be. i ran across messages he had saved from this girl that has liked him for years. the curiosity killed me so i opened them.(i hope that wasn't a "nosey girlfriend" thing on my part) come to find out, all of the times he told me he was going to the gym, he was really at his house with this girl and had been talking to her online. she lives in the same city as him but i live in a different city only 15 minutes away. why is it that everytime he is away from me i can't stop thinking about what happened so long ago and think that maybe it could be happening again, and how can i let it go? i think it may be hurting this relationship, and i am completely in love with him, which a 'hurt in this relationship' is something i do not want. (the thing is...i have no 'proof' of him cheating)please help... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Invading his privacy, yes you did.
Proof of his cheating, no you do not have as even though they live in same Ciy, they were online not on bed.
That he lied to you, yes he did. Myspace is not the name of a new Gym.
You both need to talk about trust issues though, he trusted you to brownse so indicates that he had nothing to hide.
You were curious enough to snoop around, I am sure that he forgot about saved messages, his trust broken and found he was online when he told you he was elsewhere. Yet he did not trust you enough to tell you the truth. Is he being naughty by enjoying someone else attention or was he affraid of your reaction?
It is hard to make any relationship work with trust. Talk about his myspace, approach it carefully as you may not want to tell him how deep you have read his "profile" and you have no proof that he cheated.
xxx
A
male
reader, GenuineGuy +, writes (11 December 2006):
Hi, I'm a guy and my best mate is a girl. To make matters worse with my wife my mate is a stunner too. Can't deny shes very attractive but she is just my mate and nothing more. Point is guys do like to have girl mates without anything else.
I'd think about coming clean about your problem and talking about it. If you go down the road of secrets and no communication you're on a rocky path beleive me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): You have to think that this was early in your relationship. Does he keep in touch with her now? He probably didnt know where things where going at the beginning with you two and kept in touch with her. You should drop all your male or female friends anyway just because a new partner comes along. Don't cut yourself off from other when you are with him. I think you should put it all out of your head now.
Take care.
xx
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 hi there
im sorry u have to go thru this on ur own, but as u decided to let it go and move on as hard as it is I think u need t learn to forgive and move past it, otherwise it will keep on eating u inside and one day it will finish u eventually. U do have proof that he cheated on u as during that period u were already an item, maybe it wasnt physical but why did he lie about he is whereabout if he was so innocent? I don’t know if u did confronted him but I suggest if u didn’t, for u to forget all this u need to maturely confront him just come clean u did nothing wrong u asked him if u can view his profile and he said yes maybe he didn’t hear u correctly but he did said yes so u were not snooping. I cant blame u for feeling insecure I would be, that’s why it is important for u guys to rebuild the trust. Good luck
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