A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, everyone, just sumthing im worried about but in a way not that worried... about just over to yrs ago i met a guy off plenty of fish the dating website, and kinda just hit it off from texting and ringing anyway last early december we finally met and we got on so well, as i hadnt met him from the time we where talking and had never actually met( never actually thought i would to be honest )i fell pregnent in the july and have since given birth to an amazine little girl, anyway hes met my child and is practcally saying sheshis own as her dad doesnt want nothing to do with her :(anyway in may this yr he come to live with us and going bk to see his mates every no and then which was fine as only lived 45 miles away,but my problam now is ive not actually seen him since end of aug 2012 we do txt everyday sumtimes speak on the phone,,i keeep asking to go up and seehim orhe comes down to stay but sumtimes hes busy at work or he is a big fan of football and will try and watch every single match he can on tv or livei asked him a couple of weeks agoif he still loved me and he said y, u dont ever say it to me ( as in me say to him) the reason is as im scared if i said it he will think im strange.. but in end he said he still does and does missus, as he now works there and lives with mates thats part of the main reason y hes there really,, there was talks me movin g there but has not been mentioned for a month or so... ive mentioned this to my mates also a guy and he said theres nothing to worry about the fact that i still speak or txt him everyday im worrying to much lol..i said to my mate that during sex he said he loved me which ive never had a guy say that to me during sex b4 and he said he defo loves meam i just worring to much and just carry on as normal the fact that he said hes down for the two days of xmas b4 going bk to work on the thursdaywe do only seem to talk tho when hes at work or maybe sumtimes at home when i think theres no one else arounddoes anyone else think its strange or am i just needing to trust him and not worry about it :/
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 To clarify… you met a guy on POF. Fine.
You got pregnant by a DIFFERENT GUY and had a lovely baby girl (congrats) that this guy feels parental towards (that would work fine IF the other issues go away)
In May 2012 this guy that you met on POF who lives 45 miles away came to live with you and your child ok that’s fine too…
BUT He left in August of 2012 (3/4 months after he moved in with you) and HAS NOT BEEN BACK HOME SINCE AUGUST OF 2012. That’s 4 months.
You text every day… and sometimes speak on the phone but have not seen him in FOUR MONTHS? Who starts the texts? Who calls each other? I’m betting you text him and he replies right? He’s 45 miles away right?
He is blowing you off for FOOTBALL? Seriously? You accept this?
YOU asked him if he still loved you? He does not love you honey. MEN IN LOVE are weird creatures.. they give up games, they give up football, they give up internet time, they will diss BFF’s who disrespect the woman they love.
Guys who say I LOVE YOU during sex and no other time… ugh… hate that. Don’t believe it.
It’s NOT strange. It’s WRONG.
DO NOT trust him. Do not carry on as usual.
My husband and I had an LDR for a year… we were 90 miles apart… in two different states… we saw each other EVERY WEEKEND for a year this way… sometimes during the week even for emergencies… but we almost always spent 3 out of 7 nights together till he gave up his life and moved to be with me because a two hour commute was just to far away.
DUMP this guy. He’s not in love with you or your child. IF you are the one texting him, stop texting. Stop calling. STOP rowing this relationship boat and see what happens. I doubt you will be happy to realize that he’s not making any effort.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I think you DO have a lot to worry, and , frankly, I think maybe your friend was drunk when she said this is normal and not to worry.
Come on, he's only 45 miles away and you haven't seen him ONCE since August ... because he needs to watch football ?! Don't you own a TV set too?..
How absurd is that. But I guess that, if he has the nerve to use that as a legitimate reason to not see the woman he SAYS he loves, and the baby he says he considers his own,.. and you are so happily willing to swallow it, we can't really put all the blame on him. It's like you have a neon sign with " I am a mug 2 on, and for some unscrupolous people that's too big a temptation.
As for saying " I love you " during sex, I would not take it too literally, people say weird , very in-the-moment stuff in the heat of passion... the problem, though, is that if he can do without you since August , it does not seem he feels very passionate about you even just in a sexual sense.
Time to wake up and smell the coffee . This guy is stringing you along big time,- probably he has not given you official walking papers because it's convenient for him to have a bed he can make a quick visit to if he happens to be in your area ... at Xmas... maybe Easter... 29th of February in a leap year...
Love is what people do , not what they say in between football games. Is he acting loving in your opinion , that he could not spare ONE day off for you in 4 months ??
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