A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and my boyfriend is also 24. We have been together for four years on and off after meeting while working in the same bar. I was at uni at the time and after i became pregnant, i left my final year with the hope of going back to university when our son went to school. I gave up so much for my boyfriend and i fell out with most of my family when i had my son. However i became pregnant again this summer and i am due in feb. I kind of gave up my hope of going back to education long ago and thought i was okay with it all. Well last friday i found a dirty text from my boyfriends workmate on his phone and when i asked him about it, he admitted that he has been sleeping with her and she isnt the first person he has been with. ( A few one night stands at the very start of our relationship.) He says that he gave up a lot to settle down and have a family with me and that although he is sorry ( he cried and begged me not to leave him ) i should understand as i gave up a lot too! After i slapped him and calmed down, i began to wonder if it is partly my fault? Did i expect too much? We had been together 8 months when i found out i was expecting, so maybe i did want too much? I love my son with all my heart but now i wonder if my boyfriend views us both and the baby im having as a mistake. I havent spoken to him since i kicked him out and i have said i will tomorrow. Do i ask him if we are mistakes or would the truth hurt too much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I'm so sorry this happened to you.But understand, this is NOT your fault in any way, shape or form. It was HIS choice, his actions and now the consequences for his choices and actions. There is nobody to blame but himself. He is begging for you to stay, but he had plenty of time and women to realize what he was doing was wrong, but he chose to do it anyway and because he got away with it.If this man was worthy he would not have done any of this in the first place. I personally would not want a man like that in my life. They will try and justify their reasons and come up with blame and excuses...there are NO acceptable reasons to cheat when you are in a relationship. NONE. If someone want to have multiple partners, then simply stay single instead of ruining other people's lives.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I agree that there is NOTHING you did to make him cheat. IT’s not partly your fault. It’s not your fault in any way shape or form.
I am sorry to hear that you slapped him. That was not a good thing and you do owe him a huge apology for that. NEVER raise your hand to anyone in anger.
You were a couple for a mere 8 months when you got pregnant. You opted to keep the baby. More than likely you will end up a single mom and that’s ok. Just make sure that dad is paying proper child support and if he likes has decent visitation with his kids as well. I just don’t see this relationship sticking long term. He’s a cheat. And he’s a liar too. Since he kept this cheating from you he lies to you about where he is or who he is with. You can’t really trust him now can you? IF you are concerned that he won’t pay proper child support seek legal advice.
I would not ask him if you were mistakes… getting pregnant at 8 months into a relationship by accident is a huge mistake. But you are not a mistake and neither are your children.. they were unplanned but are not unloved or unwanted. I would start making a permanent exit plan for you and the kids.
Now on to education. I left college in my senior year. I got married to my first husband and promptly had two babies (1984 and 1986). In 1989, we separated and I went from being a SAHM to a working single mom and then about a year later I added going back to school to the mix (one or two nights a week) IT took me a few years but I finally got my degree. It was worth it.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 He is 100% to blame. He made his choice to cheat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): No one forced him to be with you. No one forced him to give you two babies. And no one forced him to sleep with someone else. You are not responsible for his actions, he is.
I can understand you wanting to try and mend things if you still love him but you wont mend things by blaming yourself. He will just jump on the band wagon and lead you to believe it was indeed partly your fault. That way he gets off lightly for being a liar and cheat.
He has to learn to mend his way and he will only start doing that if he acts like a man and takes full responsibility for his own actions and stops blaming them on circumstances.
I can understand how hurtful this has been for you but keeping a little distance for now will be better for you than having him home and fighting. If he is serious about repairing the damage HE has caused, counselling will help....when you feel ready. For now, think of yourself and baby and let him stew in his own juice until you are ready to deal with him. What a rotter, putting you in this awful position, especially while carrying his 2nd child. He has some fundamental changes to make and one of them is to stop making weak excuses for sleeping around.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Your boyfriend is an immature cheater. You didn't drive him to it, and it isn't your fault. He got you pregnant and is sleeping around on you. That's on him and only him.
You have two kids (one son and one on the way). Concentrate on them. This guy is a cheater. How did you "want too much" when HE was 50% responsible for making you pregnant? When you have unprotected sex, you take on the risk. That's not you wanting too much. That's the effect of the choice you both made in being sexual.
He is a loser. This has nothing to do with you. You kicked him out. My advice is to leave him kicked out and go to the courts and get a child support and custody order. He may be an immature jerk when it comes to you, but he needs to remain accountable for his own choices.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 No sweetie, his cheating and being a total prat is not your fault. Nothing you did caused him to be the way he is.
He says he gave up a lot to settle down, well that's an outright lie, what has he given up, he is still rooting around and not committed to a loving, monogamous relationship with you, nor committed to the family.
Yes, its going to be tough as a single mum with two kids, but there is no reason why you can't still complete Uni, its just going to take a lot longer than before, talk to him if you must, but he is a serial cheater and I would urge you to discount 90% of what he says.
Your expectations were not too high. They were the sort of expectations most of us have of our partners when we are parents and in a committed relationship.
Stay strong for your kids, and ask yourself if he is really the example you want them to learn from.
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