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anonymous
writes: I need some input into this question. My boyfriend has erection problems and he uses viagara. Now I know men lose their erections for a variety of reasons. But he's a very healthy man so I am wondering if his problems are psychological even going so far as thinking he just isn't turned on by me. He says he loves me and seems to enjoy our physical relationship. One thing though..when we make love..he never wants to touch me..caress me. He has never said complimentary things to me about my looks when we are intimate. He's on a lot of porn sites and he always salivates over the bodies of the women on these sites. He points out their nice features to me and I hate that. I sometimes wonder if he is comparing me to the bodies he sees on porn sites. Do you think this is his problem? He may have unreal expectations and wants a woman with a model-perfect body. I admit, It has made me feel quite insecure. I wonder if any other women have had this same problem or if there are men out there who have experienced impotence with their partners due to porn?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): From my own experience, as porn viewing goes up .... erection's with my mate go down. I'm a faithful husband (of 15 years) and I do enjoy looking at porn because it gives me a window into a fantasy world that I would never dare to enter (I love my wife too much). While I've never compared a porn image to my wife, I have commented on some generic things like 'what an incredible axx'. Most men do this because that want to be sure you know what they are doing ... and by showing you and commenting to you, he is in effect saying 'is this okay.' What your boyfriend needs to do is strike a better balance. I firmly believe anyone worth living with is someone worth being completely honest with. I would suggest that you come up with some sort of game with him ... like, he doesn't look at porn for a week and you two go spend a crazy night in a hotel room. This helps him see that getting away from the porn will help, and you can get the loving physical attention you are after by laying down the rules for the hotel night (e.g. start with a massage). Always remember, men are almost completely drivin by sex phisology, and women are not. In the end, your happiness is paramount and if he cannot stike a balance in life that supports your need, it is time to move on. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2005): It saddens me not only that you are going through this, but millions of females are going thru it as well. Please do not feel you have to compete with this sick fantasy of inflated silicone and barbie like features. You should be with your partner because they let YOU feel good, inside and out. I too have competed with the pornography, and it unfortunately leads to self doubt, confusion and depression. I am not the same anymore, constantly comparing myself with other females and never appreciating the body that I have. If your man does not choose to respect you and continues to salivate over these images, you owe yourself to find someone who WILL respect you and treat you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world.Peace to you.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
Fair enough, I dont see anything wrong with him looking at porn but to discuss the bodies of the models with you is out of order!From what you say, he spends too much time looking at porn and not enough time putting an effort into your relationship.Tell him how you feel,ask him to stop looking at so much porn as it makes you feel uncomfortable.Most men kno that the bodies of porn stars are not reality so I doubt hes comparing you to them, but you need to have a chat about this.If he cares, he'll listen.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
It is a known fact that too much porn will de-sensitize a person to a normal healthy sexual relationship.
On rare occasions, it's enjoyable for couples to share porn together & add some spicy kinks to their romance.
But since your boyfriend is CONSTANTLY viewing porn and has erection problems when he is with you, it's obvious his fantasies are distracting him from REALITY.
You are right...he IS comparing you to bodies on porn sites.
He DOES have unreal expectations & fantasizes about women with model perfect bodies.
Also, the fact that he does not touch or caress you during love making, poses a major problem.
Lovemaking without touching or caressing is NOT lovemaking...it's just sex (the F word)
Honey, you are NOT a porn star...you are a REAL woman who needs to be fulfilled by a man with a tender caring heart.
In addition, he points out the porn stars nice features to you, but NEGLECTS to focus on your lovely features & give you compliments !
If he continues to watch alot of porn, his sense of reality will get fuzzier & more unclear.
Being sexually intimate with you doesn't seem to have much impact on him.....he just uses you to get his rocks off, but I bet while he is having sex with you, his mind is full of porno stars...that's why he is not able to touch & caress you the way he needs to !
Life is empty without DEEP MEANINGFUL relationships with Real People !
My advice to you is to confront him about his problem.
Tell him the porn has to GO...he needs to focus on the beautiful goddess right in front of him !
If he refuses to work on a REAL relationship with a Real person....he's not worth it.
All the best,
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