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female
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anonymous
writes: Everyone says that porn is for FANTASY, But the definition of fantasy is "a product of the imagination: ILLUSION" Which is where it should stay, in ones mind, not for their eyes. Fantasies are meant to be imagined not to actually be seen. If fantasies were meant to be obtained then how can someone appreciate less than their fantasy? Porn is just a safe way of having sex (without taking the chance of getting a disese or getting another pregnent). If you feel the need to look at porn then why stay with your current partner it is obvious they are not taking good care of your needs? Are people who look at porn and are in relationships just trying to have their cake and eat it too - meaning they have the security from their partner, but obtain their sexual needs through naked girls in videos? Whats the deal, I can completely understand single people looking at porn, but I can't understand how it is ok for someone in a committed relationship to look at porn, unless they have told their needs to their partner and their partner decides to do nothing about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): Well I'm glad you don't lie about it martini. Personally - I would never go out with or marry someone who looked at or enjoyed porn. I don't disagree with it, I just don't see it as something I would like to be a part of. Unfortunately I don't have a choice. I am married with two kids. My husband lies to me. Now I know its not a thing to split a marriage about but frankly I see it as 'cheating' whether he does or not - I DO. Which means it hurts me. And I feel I have to hurt him back. Which doesn't add up to a very good relationship. Now all I want to do is get the attention that he hasn't given me - only I'm looking else where for it. I don't want to, but I feel I have to since I have needs too. And since he lies and hurts me - why should I care if I lie and hurt him? He can't talk to me (thats his exuse) so he jacks off to other women. Texts other women and talks to other women on the fone. I get noone or nothing when I'm stressed out with the kids. I get classed as some crazy women with a hormone imbalance who can't cope and can't please her husband.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 February 2006):
 look, I am defending Martini here. This issue is about personal opinions and Martini's opinions are HIS own. So lets not diss them. Have an active discussion by all means but dont diss another person for explaining their point of view. Too much of that goes on around here as is!!!!
Your opinion is also very valid TOO YOU! But not if it comes at the cost of trashing others....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): yea martini, not everyones circumstances are the same as yours, my boyfriend stays up till late and "plays computer games" instead i find out his watching porn movies online, now i watched one of these movies and one was of a girl who looked about 16 and she was having sex with herself now that movie when for about 7mins and all she did ws play with herself and make a couple of moaning sounds, now i timed myself and i did the exact same thing as her and in that same amount of time i was able to have multiple orgasims, and well if some guy would rather watch a stranger on a screen do something like that instead of watch someone in real life do it then they have serious issues
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 February 2006):
This is only an opinion, but that is what you are asking for so here goes.....
I think people look at porn for many different reasons, some of them need the stuff to get off, and they are the ones with the problems. Some people (and this counts for both groups, male and female) can take it or leave it, use it in a loving relationship and have a buzz with it. Others find it very offensive and they cannot tolerate it in any way shape or form. None of these ways of looking at porn is right or wrong.
When porn is abused (when the individuals concerned havent given their consent, or have been abused or are too young to know better) then that is truely offensive and should make every individual sick.
Porn is a personal thing. If you look at female porn and get off on it as a female, but your not a lesbian, then the porn is fulfilling a fantasy need for you. Gay porn for males who do not want contact with other males fulfils a need also. It may be that a person is handicapped and unable to get a gf/bf and the only sexual release they can get is from porn. It takes all-sorts, and I truley believe that there is no right or wrong answer in this.
I do find that when people prescribe their views as the only view offensive, that is why I reiterate that this is my opinion and not something I expect everybody to understand or even agree with.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
x
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 i am also confused on why people in a relationship look at porn, i found out my bf was downloading large amounts off the internet so i asked him if it was me and if i was not pleaseing him, but he says its not that so i took his word for it but funny thing is as sooon as i noticed his intrest in porn the less intrest he had with me, we use to have sex weekly now we hardly have it monthly, not only was that a problem but the internet bill he was creating from downloading porn was double the usally amount, mind you im the one who was paying for the internet and it was under my name and he would lock me out of the pc so i could not use it. i kept trying to talk to him about it and he just lied to me every time and he would try and hide it even more, so i ahve become insercure mostly because i just kept getting lied too, now i dont beleave a word my bf tells me at all, if he had of just been honest the first time i asked him about it, if he just had of said yes i use it to relax and release some stress then i would have been abit more ok with it because atleast his not lying to me about it. i know not all men are liars and not all men look at porn, and i dont think men who look at porn are pigs, the problem is when my bf and i moved in together he showed me his box of porn magazines, he did not hide it and he just left it sitting in a cupboard,i knew when it had been open and i knew he only looked at it sometimes when i had to work late nite shifts at work ,i did not have problem wit this because he was honest that he looked at it,where he kept it and he showed it to me, but when he came to the internet and videos and dvd's he lied to me about it, now i hvae become insecure because of this lying ,because this is how i see it, if he can lie about looking at porn then who knows how much he lies to me, now i dont beleave hmw when he says he loves me, when he says im hot or when he says he doesnt look at it because i dont please him in bed. i did not become insercure all by myself, i never had any issues with this until he started lying to me about it, so martini i just wanted to point out to you if someone is insecure in a relationship because there loved one is looking at porn in most cases its not the fact they are looking at porn its mostly because we r being lied too, that then causes communication break down, if my bf had of just been honest then i would be still in love with him and we might have a longer future together.
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female
reader, MarthaZ +, writes (27 February 2006):
 I recently stumbled across porn websites that my bf has been looking at whilst I was out. When I talked to him about it, and about how it made me feel extremely inadequate he simply said he saw it out of boredom and has absolutely nothing to do with me. He understood my concerns but as we were talking about it I got the feeling that men and women, in general, have completely different views on porn. We (women) feel like we're no longer enough to satisfy his needs, and they (men) sees it as just another 15minute time filler -just like girls reading celebrity magazines.For now I'm taking his porn viewing with a pinch of salt. So long as he doesn't do it too often, doesn't see it when I'm there and it doesn't affect our sex life then I can tolerate it. When men crosses that line where it does affect your sex life or disregards your concern, or even worse lies about it, that's when the alarm bells goes off. Having a proper, adult discussion about this issue, because communication is the key to any successful relationship.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (26 February 2006):
 i totally agree with what you are saying, my husband is young and gets horny almost constantly but he never even sorts it out himself let alone to porn because when he gets horny he says all he wants is me so he will come and get me, there is no real "need" for porn especially in a relationship.
my husbands fantasies involve me and he likes to share them with me, if he needed to watch someone else acting out his fantasies then there wouldnt be much point in him being with me,one of the reasons we take on commited relationships is to be with someone that you can perform sex with, that is one of the main things we get out of our relationships with our partners that you are not supposed to get with someone else, what is the point of being with someone who dosent fulfil your sexual desires, why not just move on and find someone that does, its fairer all round.
that is not to say that couples who do enjoy porn together shouldnt, i just personally dont understand the need to replace your partner with it.
of course this is just my opinion but as it is opinions that has been asked for this is my offering, i dont mean to offend anyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2006): Wake up to yourself porn is completely disresepctful to women...no real man watches it FULL STOP...Porn does not routinely show men have things shoved up there a....... and women c..... all over their faces. There is no enjoyment for women in these acts...they do it for money or because they are mentally screwed up....and men like you get off on it...Its sick...we are not narrow minded or conservative, ssimply we are not animals and choose not to behave like them...sigh all you like and grow up, learn to be a human being
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 February 2006):
 There is a subtle difference between the literal meanings of fantasy and illusion. My views on porn are mixed; yes people use it when they are single and also within a relationship context for conveinience but that is a one-sided truth. Also, by definition it has to be noted a *fantasy* has to be something you cant/dont have in reality. Thus counterposing your current partner with porn can be a bit of a false proposition.
Having said all that porn can do alot of damage in a relationship and it easy to see how somebodies partner looking constantly at porn leads to that feeling; especially if the person in question is putting the porn before there real life partner. Also it can lead to other disreputable behaviour like lying. Porn is one of those things that needs to be set in context and it has to be said that the porn and turning to it is a manifestation of deeper problems to do with the real life relationship. Its often not the porn that is the disease more a symptom.
People who put porn before there real life relationships do need to focus on problems in there real life. Maybe look to more variety in there sex life; however an interest in porn can sometimes be shared. Its one of those things that has to be set in context and it is wrong to make sweeping moral judgements on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): This is probably and MOST LIKELY NOT the last time I will say this and damn it to hell I am going to let out the longest sigh of my life [sighing really really long while I type this out]... Okay, I am done sighing now. [sighing]I've said this time and again, and I'm just going to copy and paste this onto here for all to rave, rant, and rebuttle:--Before my gf, I looked at porn almost every day, just to get the release you know what I mean? After getting more and more steady with my gf now, porn viewing has cut down to about once a week or less, and I only masturbate when I am really stressed or I just want to have a quick release of pleasure. Please note that I don't love porn. I love my girlfriend. To some women, this may seem like I am emotionally cheating on my gf, but please note that this is a quick mental stimulation - like having beer, it's a quick physical stimulation. Guys like me look at porn and treat it like a product you get off the shelves of some store. Cigs, beer, porn, arcade, etc.I get a quick release to porn, but I make love to my woman. I look at Playboy and the model and think, "She's gorgeous" but when I look at my gf, I think and feel, "I love her, and I want to spend my life with her".However, if it really upsets my gf/wife that much, then fine, I'll stop, but please note that though it's a 'minor' detail, she just took away one of the things that give me a quick amount of pleasure. Personally, it's fine. Just don't take away WoW (online game)! Hehe... 8]--Now, I'm never going to lie to my gf/wife about watching porn. For example, in the past two weeks, I went to look at porn twice for about 5 minutes each time. My gf asks me if I have been holding in since I took my medication two weeks ago and I said to her that I tried looking at porn for a quick stimuli, but though it was pleasureful for the first bit, a lot of things were missing. All she did was smile. She knows what I mean, and she understands.The thing is, I don't lie to her about it, and I am not addicted to it. I barely go on porn sites anymore. Compared to when I was in my late teens and early 20's! Geez, porn every day back then. Nowadays, probably once every week or two. You're talking about "If you feel the need to look at porn then why stay with your current partner it is obvious they are not taking good care of your needs?"There is a major flaw here. That is EXACTLY like saying, "If you already have your gf/wife, why else do you need your other friends?" My friends aren't going to be there all the time. Just like my gf/wife isn't going to be there all the time to comfort my mind when I am stressed, to comfort my body when I need it, to stimulate my spiritual desires when I require it, and so on. Picture this, I'm sitting at home, working on the next Jim Pattison 5 storey high billboard for Coca Cola, my team mate calls me and says the big cheese just cut our time in half. Stress builds up, I'm like, "Shit! Not again! I already have the DQ project due in friggin 3 days!" Now I'm frustrated, angry, and stressed. I think about the comfort of my gf, and sex in itself is a distant concept - initially not even thinking about it. Hours go by, now I am totally steaming. I want a quick release of this stress and anger and yeah, I can call up my gf at 2am and say, "I need you baby, I'm having a hard night!". Instead, I'm not, she has to work tomorrow, and I'm sure it's out of the way for both of us, etc. I'm tired, I just want to get this over with. I load up Mozilla, go to some porn site, look up some hot slutty girls, jerk off, orgasm, and not even 5 minutes later, I'm done. I close the browser as if it were a can of beer after finishing it - toss it into the recycle bin. I don't think anything further on it. I get back to work.Geebus fuck! So many insecure, conservative, close and narrow-minded people in this world! I am sure there is cause for alarm for some guys and their porn addiction, but you think that we're all and the same? I can say the same about Christians but I don't and I know they aren't all dilusional people. Cuz I don't stereotype - cuz I don't round all porn looking guys into one group and call them pigs! I can say the same for all prostitutes, but I don't, cuz I understand. I can say the same for all types of people, but I don't cuz I understand.
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