| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband does not talk to me, he is mostly quite and does not express his feelings, what can I do Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 February 2006):
 My experience is that a lot of men would rather do almost *anything* rather than discuss they way they feel about something! It doesn't come naturally for a big percentage of men, so don't worry that your husband doesn't express his feelings. He'd be like most others in that regard, I think. It's cultural, with the (possibly misguided) perception that "only women have feelings" and that by admitting to emotions, and by talking about them, men can feel a bit... emasculated.
Because women tend to be more tuned in to emotions generally, you can intuit most of what he's feeling by listening to the tone of his voice, and watching his actions and facial expressions. You can also reflect back what you notice to him, by saying things like "You sound a bit worried about that" or "It seems like my news cheered you up". It might be easier for him to give a Yes/No answer if you make observations that he can agree or disagree with. It also might make it easier for him to talk about it, if it's about your observation than his own feelings.
If he's always been this way, it's unfair for you to expect him to change and become Mr Heart-on-his-Sleeve all of a sudden. The best response is to accept that the man you married is a package, and this package doesn't talk about his feelings. It's not a personal insult to you; it's just the way that many men have learned to behave.
|
