A
female
age
36-40,
*atie-cola
writes:What ranking is a woman meant to come in their partners life?? What should be coming before them and after?? Some men put work before them, is this right?? Or should a women come before work?? Just a general question really. Something me and the girls have been considering. xxxx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 1. Beer
2. Remote control
3. Computer
4. Avoiding wife using all of the above
5. Food
6. Begging wife to have sex
7. SPN
8. CNN
9. Complaining about the price of gas
10.Work...
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (5 June 2008):
 We (by which I mean men in general - and it doesn't apply to everyone) see ourselves as the primary provider. That, basically, is why some men seem to work to the exclusion of all else - they take it to its extreme.
Being the "hunter gatherer" is a natural instinct which, of course, doesn't mean we can't change to suit our particular circumstances or that it should be the most important thing in our lives.
If you want to know the most important thing in my life, then without question I would say it's my children and providing for them. Nothing comes above that (taking on board Laura's priority list - but I would say that He is the definer of our priorities rather than being part of them, so would not appear in my list).
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Generally speaking a man's priority list should look like this.
1)God
2)Self
3)Career
4)Wife
5)Children
6)Mother
For some the mother maybe on the 4th spot higher than the wife.
For the wife she expects this priority list.
1)God
2)Man
3)Wife.
4)Children
5)Career
A man has to place career above wife, otherwise he would not
have married if he has no career or his future wife would not have married him.
If however his career is taking too much time away from his
wife , then he has to re re prioritized to balance his life between career and family.
Most women feel that they have given 100% to the men and
expect 100% back but this is not the case.
A man has to balance between career and wife.
He needs career to support their lifestyles.
But there must be a balance between career and family to enjoy a happy and contented life.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I live by the philosophy of you work to live. In order to function in society you need to work to provide the basic requirements to keep you off the streets, so you work.
So if a job interfers in my everyday life , and that includes the time my wife and I spend together, then I simply look for another one.
I never want to be the guy who reflects that despite having no family life at least I was a good provider. That is just too antiquated a notion for me.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 i dont think most men work just for the sake of it
They work to look after their loved ones, to give them shelter, food a good lifestyle etc
Its hard for some people to work 9-5 and more than that in some cases, then come home and do their fair share and be a great husband/BF and sometimes dad
Its wrong to tell them straight me or work, but in essence the women should come first but in todays world with bills and mortages its not always possible
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I may get blasted for this, but my opinion is that the order of importance has to be one's self first, then one's spouse next and then other people and work after that. However, I think that if one has children then the children have to be number one, ahead of everyone else. They can't take care of themselves and therefore must be the highest priority. By putting self first, I don't mean that everything is me, me, me. I mean that your happiness has to be your first priority. If a person is not happy then the whole family will suffer.
I have known a couple of men who have put their job before their wives, but in both cases it was because they and their wives had a very poor relationship. One guy who I used to work with worked as much overtime as possible so that he wouldn't have to spend time with his wife. That is sad.
Eyes statement is right on. Sometimes it may seem like the job comes before the family, but the job becomes so necessary because of and for the family. If a man is not reasonably successful at his job then the entire family will suffer. However, if the pressures of being successful at the job leave little time for the family then the family will suffer also. It sometimes becomes very difficult to balance the 2.
It is not just men who have this problem. Women who work outside the home or entirely in the home have much the same problems. Many times it can even be worse that the man's problems at balancing his work and family life, especially with children.
I would give most men and women great credit for their abilities to balance the marriage family (husband, wife and children), work and the genetic family (parents, brothers, sisters) to the satisfaction and benefit of all.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (4 June 2008):
Woman comes first she's the first love - and she needs to be fed, clothed, housed, excited and comforted. It can be done, but it's a lot of work, and most of us try really hard. If there are kids, then they come right after the woman, since she is necessary for them too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I think that men don't get enough credit for juggling all the balls that life throws at them. They are expected to do well at work, they are expected to be good husbands, lovers, boyfriends, fathers, sons, and friends and carry it all off with out missing a step.
There are lots of demands put on women by family, friends, and jobs, and we tend to be able to talk about them more. I think we lose sight of the fact that men face the same pressures. And that they are often their own worst critics.
If push came to shove and I for some reason felt compelled to demand that he choose between me and his career, I'm perfectly comfortable that he'd pick me. But I would NEVER do that to him, because he loves his work and I want him to be happy with what he's doing.
We all make sacrifices in life, and the trick is to pick the right ones. You do that, and manage to live a balanced life, you're doing very well.
Hope this helps your discussions.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 June 2008):
It is a very difficult balancing act that every couple has to work out for themselves, depending on their careers, whether or not they are married and whether or not they have children. It's a normal day-to-day struggle and there's no pat answer. Just be thankful that women AT work aren't a problem... Ha!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Most men work for the benefit of their wives and children so in essence they ARE putting them first even when they are working.
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