A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK my girlfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago now. We've been going out for 3 years and she's very dear to me. For the first week I was doing nothing but trying to remain in contact with her and making the mistake of begging and pleading with her but with no success. The second week I purchased a guide to help me and learned about the no contact rule and decided to apply that but since I was working on a letter that I told her she will receive from me I couldn't have just blown her off and not keep my word. I decided to stop trying to contact her though but did inform her that I'm in the process of writing the letter and that she should be patient. She kept wondering what the letter was about and wanting to read it already. By doing this I was showing her that she's not my main priority anymore.Then finally she read the letter, pretty much I was just acknowledging her decision and established no contact, she however had a few questions to ask me, I on the other hand didn't want to hear but to not come across as indecisive I've decided two days later to talk with her so that she may ask those questions and I had a few to ask myself. I was calm and casual throughout the entire thing while she was nervous. We got closure and separated.It's been a week now since I've last heard from her. Am I doing this all wrong? I read somewhere that when implementing no contact after a breakup to give it a month before you get into contact again, trying to renew contact. Would I give myself 3 more weeks if she doesn't get back to me before then or just another week considering it's been 3 weeks since the breakup, even though we've been talking on and off throughout the first two weeks? I honestly don't know. I just know that she agreed to not communicate anymore. I really want to get this girl back. Anyone who's familiar with the no contact rule, please help. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): hey, i feel your pain SO much. I have only been with my partner a short period of time but within that time he became me best friend, i shared everything with him and he was my rock.
Everything was going brilliantly...or so i thought! .... And when he came over on saturday evening he put his arms round my waste to give me a hug and i said hold on babe, got a text...and it was from him 'babe can we talk please' i looked at him and knew...he cried as much as me... And one min he was saying one thing then another to why he wanted to break up...but he couldnt pin point something and then he said he loved me still and didnt want to do it but felt it was right for us...then changed his mind...then again and again... he seemed confused. I contacted him sunday after (yesterday) and we have agreed to not talk for the week and he will have a think and get back to me soon..... Greeeeaat so now im sitting here like a lemon waiting...and the thing is, ive gota say to myself...were going to speak about why he wanted to end it...when im getting my hopes up!
I dont think thier any RIGHT way of doing something when someone breaks up with YOU...cause they made that choice..they have had ages to think about it!...where as were just functioning it!....and it hurts cause its not what we want!
I think u need to prepare urself that your not getting her back because then if it doesnt happen..ur ready..and if it does...u can make that choice when u come to it!
Be great to chat to someone in same boat as me!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): No contact rules in the way I usually implement them just means I stop contacting the person and learn how to live life without them in it. Learn to not be needy and get rid of the usual habit I'd have of calling or texting. Its so you can get used to not having them around any more. See if you stay in touch, you will be lingering and going back and forth. The breakup is a lot cleaner if you stop contacting each other. For how long you choose to not have contact is up to you. You need to see what YOU feel is best.
But, you want her back? I guess that she broke it off with you? Let her know you want her back, but realize that there is nothing you can do, this must be her decision. And the chances of you two getting back together are slim. Even if you do get back together, things will not be as they were before.
PS. my own idea of how long "no contact" should be enforced is roughly a year.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Let her go. You're hanging into this when you need to be moving on. No contact means you need to now end all contact. That's it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): i think you should leave her until she wants to talk to you... i have just broken up with mu boyfriend and the last thing i want him to do is to try and talk to me right now
but give it the minimum of 3 weeks
good luck
it sound like u really love this girl x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): If you gained closure then why are you still holding on, how long were you going out and what did you write in the letter?
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