| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I recalled all of my relationships of the past. I haven't been in just one or two, but a little more than a few. I don't sleep around, and I don't settle for the first thing that comes my way. I feel love, I do not just feel lust. I try to be realistic, but I realize now for sure that all of my partners have wanted me for lust out of all things. I even waited for a 5 years until I dated again between my most recent relationship and the one that came before. Until I met someone last year. And, he was at first using me for my body in retrospect, and later he fell for me for more than that, but more as a friend.I don't see the point in being or trying to be attractive when the bees that come to your hive are then all just focused on one thing. It takes quite some work for me to be certifiably 'hot.' I don't think I've ever reached that point for an extended period of time, but I have reached the point where I can get more than enough attention. I have always tried to take care of my looks so as to not be left out and to reduce my chances with guys, but after having every single one of my relationships start more than partially because I was 'sexy' or 'attractive' to someone, and then for the entire thing to unfold, what is the point in being easily recognizable as attractive? I tried to be my physical best because I'm initially shy and I doubt people would notice me for my glaring personality, but when my and potential love for someone is reciprocated by uncaring lust, what's the use in trying to be good enough physically to be noticed? I am not saying the guys I dated were scum or anything. They were all in transitions in their lives. I actually don't know what they wanted from me exactly. A few claimed they wanted to stay with me indefinitely, but I doubt that the inner recesses of their minds concurred with that. Perhaps they were deluded.So, what's the point of being attractive or hot when it just attracts those that notice your physical assets while not appreciating your other assets first? Is it impossible for a guy to see a girl who is just cute, and fall in love with her deeply? The guy I fell for most was the least attractive person to me of the guys I've dated. He looked like a garden gnome but his personality made him so...hot...
View related questions:
notice me, period, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 I think it takes quite some work for me to be certifiably 'hot.'...........Those are your words. If you're not trying to impress anyone with your looks, why do you spend quite some time preparing yourself.
The reality is this, you can't see "nice personality" from across the room. You can't see funny, decent, or considerate either. On the other hand, a guy can see "hot". When you see a really nie car driving down the street, what do you notice? Do you see the colour and body lines or the air bags hidden in the dashboard?
So if you don't sleep around, and you're not giving your sex away to everyone, guys ARE staying around, what do you think they are there for? It must be partly because of your personality. I'm married to a woman who is "REALLY HOT" She has a great personality too. I second guess what guys think whenthey meet her. Actually, I know what guys think when they meet her. The first thing that happens is the "notice" her. Women too!!We actually joke at how many heads turn when we walk through the mall together. Let me say it's countless. She's no tramp either nor does she do anything other than "be pretty" to get the attention. That's just the way it is.
She would have the same problem if she was single, "why is this person interested in me" It's probably better than the opposite. So if you're not giving sex away and the guy sticks around, he passes part of the test. Do I appreciate my wifes beauty. I absolutely do !! I'm accustomed to having her on my arm. Does it make me feel good or proud. Yes it does because she could have almost anyone or at least the attention of almost anyone. The good part is she's with me.
Men appreciate looks. We're visual. Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater though. We also appreciate substance. If my wife was full of herself and a bitch with her nose in the air, her beauty would not be worth the bad points.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 January 2010):
You're just meeting the wrong damn bees! Most women will tell you that you have to wade through some really awful men to get to the few good ones. So maybe you need to try and meet them in different places. Start a hobby where other guys are that you can just talk to or something like that. Good guys are also terribly shy. I think I'm a good guy, but I'm terribly shy so for years all these girls would bypass me in favour of 'fun' guys. Now I have a really beautiful girlfriend, and I certainly love her for more than her looks. You will find a great guy. You just need to look at little harder, and find them in different places.
...............................
|
