A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so this really isn't a question. Truth is I don't see why people make such a big deal about sex and virginity. I don't find it such a big deal losing it. I mean I'm 16 I'm still a virgin and I believe that you know you should wait until you think you're ready or in love or whatever but I don't see what really is the big deal with virginity?Sex first time?What's so special about it?Sorry if I piss anyone off but I just need to know if I'm thinking strangley?
View related questions:
still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Knight_in_White_Satin  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Hey I thought exactly the same as you- what's the big deal it's just sex.
I lost mine in a one night stand after a night out(but i hadn't been drinking)and I regreted it afterwards.
Your virginity is such an emotional and personal thing to give someone and that person should cherish it and more importantly YOU.
A
male
reader, anonymous_jp  +, writes (20 May 2009):
theres alot of shit about guys just wanting sex with no comittment. thats just most guys. im 16, a virgin and have promised myself id only have sex when i find someone i love. i have found someone i love, shes not a virgin so we cant share the same experience, I THINK, i hope we can. but yeah dont judge all guys.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Wait a minute here. Virginity is just a cultural thing? Well, so is getting married. And so is cheating versus faithfulness. But that doesn't mean there aren't a bunch of serious underlying biological motivations for these things too. Marriage and fidelity are "just cultural things left over from the past" and yet they show no signs of going anywhere now that science rules the world. Women tend to care about virginity because they get more attached to sex partners than men do. Brain chemistry. "Men don't care about virginity at all" as long as it's their own virginity we're talking about. Or the virginity of a girl that they're trying to screw. But men sure are capable of caring about the sex habits of their wives and GFs with other men, either in the past or present.
...............................
A
female
reader, evelast653 +, writes (11 May 2009):
 There are two possible answers to your question. I'll give the second one that pretty much follows the first. Virginity is often described as a gift to be shared with someone special, and that's a good analogy. However it goes much further then that. When you lay down and have sex with someone your submitting to them all that you have for that moment in time. Your giving that person that chance to "get all up in your space" and encounter you on a totally different level then before. Sex in my opinion isn't just a recreational event that happens every now in then like a rerun of "Cheers" (if you ever saw that show). It's a chance to understand a person emotionally yet physically at the same time if you get what I mean. It's so much more then what happening on the outside, there's allot happening from within.Kind of OOOOOOOO but that's just one of my ways of looking at it.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 It is a big deal because people make it. We live in society that is partly very open sexually. It is not abnormal for women to have had dozens of sexual partners. Men often claimed to have them to, but they were lying.
There is also an age difference. Men claimed to have had their dozens over their lifetime, women have them in their early youth.
This leads to conflicts where the woman has more sexual experience then her same aged partner. And then basic human nature comes in, we don't like second hand stuff. We want our toys to be ours and no have shared them. Oh it isn't very PC to say it this bluntly, but that is the way people are.
Loosing your virginity, is therefor a deal as it marks the transition from a person with no sexual past to someone who has one.
If you have sex with your current boyfriend, you are hardly going to be able to resist having sex with the next one. After all, you could hardly claim to care for him and give him less then the previous one could you?
But mostly I think it is because it marks the transition from being a protected child who hasn't got a care in the world to an adult with all the troubles that entails.
As you get older, you forget about the hassles of being a child as they pale next to the life of an adult. Things seemed so much easier when the most you had to worry about with a gf was wether your hand would get sweaty when holding hers. It seems that a lot of women make a big deal about their virginity AFTER they loose it. Is it simple a desire to go back to simpler times or do women only realise the value of something after they loose it? I don't know, ask a woman.
Oh, and if you ask what is so special about sex for the first time, be wary. It is close to asking. What is so special about having sex with someone. ANYTIME. Be careful. Nature balances things, men want non-commital sex. Women don't. Therefor men don't get it. If don't see sex as special then you will find PLENTY of men willing to give it to you. That is fine if that is what you want. Just don't be suprised if you are in your twenties, into tripple digits, a single mother and asking on a forum like this why you can't find anyone decent to stick around.
...............................
A
male
reader, andrew loves hali +, writes (8 May 2009):
 i feel the same way and I'm 15. people make it seem like its the end of the universe or something. i think i would be more special if you waited till you're married or at least with someone you love.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): To be honest I think culture has a lot to do with it. If you think about where America comes from historically and morally, you begin to see that they can be extraordinary prudes. I think the French, for example, have a very mature, relaxed and healthy attitude to sex. In America, I would say the attitude can verge on pathological sometimes.
I mean, you have both virginity pledges and purity balls, but also child beauty pageants and 25 year old actresses playing teens in the movies. And moms think it's okay to have Miley Cyrus parade around on stage in full make up, skimpy outfits, a wig and heels and yet when she takes naughty pics of herself on her phone, she is shamed and called a slut! Talk about confused!
I'm glad you have a healthy attitude though. This whole fascination with the hymen and when it breaks is lame if you ask me. If someone asks when lost my virginity, I wouldn't know what to say. The first time I had oral sex? The first time we played with toys etc.? Actual penetration wasn't the big deal. It wans't a milestone in my life. My first long term partner and the great, loving sex we had was :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I think virginity is much more of an issue for women then it is for men. Till this day women are valued more for their virginity. People applaud women who wait for marriage but for men it is rather a moot topic if it is a topic at all.
I think the bottom line is that it is your body and you are responsible for it. You need to make your own judgements. Being an adult is not about having sex, it is about making the choices that come with sex. When you feel it is the appropriate time or with the right person, you will do it.
Don't let other people influence you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (8 May 2009):
 A milestone in life like any other. It does change you.
First time sex, is in fact not any good, and certainly doesn't live up to they hype or your expectations. I don't think many people enjoy it, it's more about the milestone and getting the first time over with. After that you enjoy the sex! It could be some time after that when you actually have sex that is how you expected it to be haha.
Yeah there is a lot of emphasis and peer pressure, perhaps that's where you are coming from? Because everybody goes on about it? There is more peer pressure surrounding sex than anything else. Not just the loosing the virginity, but sleeping with subsequent people too...
Above all there really isn't a rush, it has to feel right for you at the time.
Fiona.
...............................
A
male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 You're right.
You really don't have to care about kissing someone you have a huge crush on for the very first time and feeling their lips against yours. It doesn't have to be as important as everyone makes it out to be.
Finding out someone likes you back certainly doesn't have to be a big deal either. Who cares if they like you back or not. For some people their heart beats faster, but there's no need to make such a big fuss about it.
And sex can be just sex. You meet, you're ready or in love or whatever and you do it. It just so happens to be the first time, that's all.
Then again, maybe there's more to it.
Maybe sharing an unprecedented intimacy with someone and uncovering an eye-widening, innervating facet of your humanity could mean something afterall when you look back at all the moments in your life. Maybe your heart will skip a beat before it happens.
Maybe. Not necessairly, but maybe.
...............................
A
male
reader, Undisclosed +, writes (7 May 2009):
You're right.
You really don't have to care about kissing someone you have a huge crush on for the very first time and feeling their lips against yours. It doesn't have to be as important as everyone makes it out to be.
Finding out someone likes you back certainly doesn't have to be a big deal either. Who cares if they like you back or not. For some people their heart beats faster, but there's no need to make such a big fuss about it.
And sex can be just sex. You meet, you're ready or in love or whatever and you do it. It just so happens to be the first time, that's all.
Then again, maybe there's more to it.
Maybe sharing an unprecedented intimacy with someone and uncovering an eye-widening, innervating facet of your humanity could mean something afterall when you look back at all the moments in your life. Maybe your heart will skip a beat before it happens.
Maybe. Not necessairly, but maybe.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Hey. So there are many reasons why people wait for sex with the one they love. Many people believe in loosing virginity when they get married, because they believe thats their one true love. The reasoning for this, is because sex clouds peoples judgements. When people have sex certain hormones are secreted that make people have stronger bonds for each other. For instance, a woman secretes Oxytocin, which is a powerful chemical that enhances feelings for the other person. Thats why you usually hear about women getting heartbroken after having sex with a guy after one night, and him never calling again. Because of these hormones, it makes getting over someone incredibley hard. Also, in a relationship sex can blind negatives, which may be huge red flags in the future. People tend to justify bad things in a relationship, just to keep the relationship because humans need to feel intimate. Studies show that because the rate of casual sex has increased, the divorce rate has increased as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I remember when I was around 16 I thought losing my virginity was a big deal. It seemed like it at the time. But when I actually lost it I ended up realizing it wasn't a big deal at all. I wish I did wait so every time I think about the time I lost my virginity I'd have some warm nice memory from my childhood, but I didn't wait and now whenever I think about losing my virginity I just remember I was drunk and it was awkward after.
The reason why losing your virginity is seen by young people to be such a big deal is because sex what fuels a lot of media. Consider that:
- Most characters in TV shows and Movies are attractive; the characters that aren't attractive have being unattractive be part of their character
- Ads all over have attractive people
- Many clothes are designed to make you look attractive
Now considering that attractiveness is primarily for the creation of sexual desire, kids who grow up in western countries end up learning sex is a big deal. This subconsciously ends up becoming the idea that you must have sex to enter into the mainstream world - a world that displays itself through attraction.
But now at 20, I realize that this really isn't true. The media is incredibly fake and most of the time paints some sort of weird idealistic world that just doesn't exist.
In this day and age, sex just isn't seen as what it is - two people doing stuff with their genitals. The act of sex isn't magical (in fact the bodily fluids are sort of gross, there is a reason they don't make genital flavored candy), magical moments arise from two people trusting each other.
So save your virginity, it's a big deal only in that the moment you lose it will probably haunt or grace your memories forever. If anyone tells you otherwise, you can probably guess the first three words out of their mouth the moment they lose their virginity: "Oh, that's it?"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): virginity is a gift, and should be shared w/someone special. i wasnt able to choose who i lost my virginity to, it was taken from me. ie i was raped and i wish i could have given it to my husband. it something girls take advantage of and shouldnt be taken lightly. sex hurts the first time and it wouldnt be a pleasurable expierience w/ someone during a one night stand or someone your not sure you love,
...............................
|
