| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I was wondering if someone could give me some advice as i think my girlfriend is cheating on me.First of all she won't let me see what she is talking about in msn to one of her friends - girly talk! If I try, then she flips out.Also she has been txting a male friend from about 11pm to 1 - 2am every night for the past week.She says it's because she is helping him out as he only just split up with his girlfriend.Then this weekend she really goes all out and trims/waxes everything in the bath and she never does it to that level.She works during the day and does sleep ins at her work but sometime she does only till 11pm.So I looked through her log of msgs to her friend on Fri and its says 'only 2 days to go, and he's picking me up from work!'Now she is working today and has told me she is doing a sleep in.Also I found two condoms in her sleep in bag this morning and when asked she just said oh I was going to give you a treat on the way home - bearing in mind we haven't had sex for weeks.Last thing when she does sleep ins is, she goes to bed at about 11:30pm - 12am sometimes later but tonite I get a txt at 11pm saying 'I'm going to bed now, so don't txt back'.I have asked her if she's cheating and she says no; how could I think that? She loves me.Any help would be great thanks.Oh yeah and I'm not allowed to pick her up in morning, which I always do. She says she has supervision but I said they would do that when you're at work not ask you to stay longer - she flipped at that!
View related questions:
at work, condom, msn, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): If she is telling you to call or NOT call at certain times, telling you NOT to show up somewhere and not to show up without her knowing exactly when you are coming, and if its become non-sexual, she's cheating, bottom line. Girls want sex just as bad as us guys do, and unless she does not want to have sex before marriage, and is clearly a sexual person, just not with you....then she is having it somewhere else. I just don't see the advantage of you being with someone like this and don't say "well I love her!" Look man, love is all about trust, understanding and communication. If there are some things she doesn't want to explain or when you ask, she just pretends like she doesn't hear you, something is up. If a girl loves you, she will fight to keep your relationship together. If she acts like she doesn't care one way or another, and she has unexplained absences, odd text messages, she is secretive about who she is emailing, WON'T give you their name, says its "just a friend" yeah man, red flags. If she is always texting or messaging someone on messengers online, getting tons of calls while you are there or while you are on the phone with her and she puts you on hold all the time or constantly, its never a good sign. Move on, there is better out there!
A
male
reader, Jamesthebest  +, writes (25 May 2009):
Have you tried hitting her?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): She is absolutely cheating (and the truth is you) - like was the case in my own situation just las fall when my girlfriend when to flight attendant training in Dallas - you know the answer to the very question you ask. YES she is cheating, you love her and you gut ECHOES IT LOUDLY TO YOU. That pain in your gut is the same pain I felt, and others before me and others after me will feel. My advice is truly view her for what is a lying whore (and don't even give her the satisfaction to let her know it bothers you). Start looking for someone now and dump her. Any sex you get now use a condom and just consider it an easy lay (I truly am not bitter) and actually I am POSITIVE. You truly know the answer. Use her or lose her, but don't even honor her any way (except if it is for you benefit); she lost that right. I tried to get mine to own up with the If you can admit it I can forgive it (and she denied all day long).
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): mate ill be honest. if your going out with her, then you should have total trust in her, and also be able to talk about literally anything. so, just ask her straight and say that its serious. good luck my freind :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Well it does come across as very shady indeed, your instincts tell you that is cheating on you and your probably right, all the clues that she is cheating on you are right underneath your nose, she is a liar and wants her cake and eat it. She is probably scared to tell you that she is cheating on you because if this guy does not work out for her then she has little old you to run back too, she sounds like a decietful selfish little bitch who has no concerns for your feelings whatsoever. Its hard to admit to yourself that you are being cheated on, dont want to believe it cos it will dent your pride and what not, but at the end of the day swallow your pride and put your feelings to one side, cos the longer it drags on the harder it is gonna be to take mate, give her an ultimatum, say you know she is cheating on you, so either admit it and you can try and work things out, or dont admit it and its over anyway. easier said than done I know, btu if she really does love you, she will open up to you cos she wont want to lose you, if you get the feeling she is still not being honest with you tell her where to go because you just dont trust her. I mean it sounds like the trust has gone already so whats really left in the relationship anyway apart from you feeling worried all the time and stressing yourself out everytime she does not come home or works late, it sounds like its over anyway mate, sack her off and find someone that deserves you. I can tell you this cos im going through something similiar, and thats exactly what im gonna do.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): dude, listen to me because i ahev first hand experience in this feild as im a trained proffesional (its not my profeesion at the time but i am trianed in ralationships) what speaks to me more than the condoms or the messages is that she is keeping evrything from you, i have seen quite a few (4) reletionships regain balance after the girl admits that she is cheating. it is then up to YOU not her and you YOU to decide what is best for the both of you. your not the one who lost control of the relationship when she cheated, she was the one who lost control. by icolating herslef from you she gave up any control she had because when it comes down to it its the excitment of an afair that most of these girls want, or they love two men. (somtimes the other man doesn't know about you either) so its completely up to you what to do. personally i don't recomend 'talking about it' because you always end up with the same thing, ask once you eitehr get an honest answer or a dishonest answer (and you will know which is which) so man. i can't give u a certain answer on whats to ahppen but i can tell you if you follow my advice it will turn out for the better, who knows if the other guy finds out mabey she'll be left with nothing? ;)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): hey man, i've been in the same situation as well. My girlfriend would always tell me she was going out with her friends from work, and one time she said her and a bunch of her friends from work (including other guys) were going to six flags, but for some reason I couldnt go with her. Some rediculous excuse that it was only people she worked with or some crap. It was obvious... dump her man, find another girl.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): You need to listen to tom leykis.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): I can tell shes cheating on you.Ive also been in a similar situation and its painfully obvious she is going behind your back. I hope you kick her to the kerb right away! once a cheater always a cheater!!If you stay with her things will only get worse and the stress youll go through will not be worth it.As for the guys who do this with other peoples girlfriends.They are also scum. Let her go off with the guy ..one day theyll end up cheating on each other which is no more than they deserve.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr Carpenter +, writes (23 February 2006):
 Hi mate. I would honestly say that the likelihood is that she is cheating. I can say that because I am 'the other guy' with some girl I was working with until recently.
I work at a hotel and a new receptionist started. She had been going out with this guy for three years, and had been best friends with him for two years prior to that. Anyway she starts working with me, and there's obvious chemistry between us. I am her boss, and at first we just flirt and don't let anything happen. Anyway, I am training her up every day for about 3 weeks and then my situation at work changes a little, some responsibility comes off my shoulders and I can suddenly entertain the idea of seeing this girl.
We start off just touching hands while working, then we progress little by little until we start sleeping with each other. As its a hotel, I have live-in accommodation. Whenever she would work a late shift followed by an early shift next morning, she would tell her mum and boyfriend that there was a room in the hotel to stay in when in actual fact she was staying with me.
Well, she always calls/texts him before she goes to bed and she would ask me to keep my voice down while she calls, usually slipping in the phrase, 'my battery is low' or 'i'm going to sleep now as i start early' before turning her phone off.
The following day she would work then go home as normal.
One night, a couple of months after we first spent the night together, her boyfriend went round to her house and after an argument, he stormed upstairs in a strop. He came down an hour later and chucked her phone at her. We had been having calls every night for weeks for usually a couple of hours a time, until 2, 3 sometimes 4am. She said that her friend was going through a break up with her boyfriend, and that she was offering some support late night. She then said that if he didn't trust her they should break up.
The following day, we saw each other, but she said we would have to try and hide our growing feelings for each other and remain as friends. Little by little, we knew this was not possible and we carried on seeing each other as more than friends.
To date her boyfriend has suspicions about me, having thrown me into a few of their rows, but has nothing concrete to actually accuse her of anything. She has told me that if he messes up this chance, she will be with me.
The reason I am telling you this is that I do not like what is happening with this guy. I love this girl and she loves me, but it is not as simple as finishing with him, as their families all get on, and she still does, deep down, love her boyfriend.
As someone on the good end of a faltering relationship, I don't want this guy to get hurt, but as each of us has only one life, I don't want to ruin any chance I have with this girl, and would rather I end up happy than him.
If your girlfriend is seeing someone else, and it sounds to me very much like she is (esepcially concerning the condoms) then if you have anything worth keeping hold of, don't be too pushy. The thing that is pushing this girl further into my arms is his accusations, and their continual rows, usually formulated on his suspicions. If he backed down a little, was pleasant to her and treated her like a princess- not by throwing cash around on lavish gifts, rather spending little amounts on sentimental and meaningful gifts- you could well find she feels regretful for the situation, and finishes with the other guy before they get too close. Otherwise, it will only widen the chasm between you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): Hmm. I think she is cheating on you. I've been in the same situation. She keeps making excuse not to be with you and to spend doing somethng that should be a lot less pleasant (work). I think that message some dude picking her up in two days and refusing your offer seems to be real shady. I think that you should sit down with her and have a serious talk on why you are feeeling disturbed. You must let her know of your emotions and how this is causing you stress. If she really Loves you...she should have a consience and tell you about it. Remember that one of the most important things in a relationship is trust. I wish you luck,man.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2006): Dude dump that bitch I've been in the same situation bro and it's not good trust me get rid of her ASAP.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (20 December 2005):
 It sounds to me like she's cheating. It also sounds like she's not willing to tell you the truth. The message about "only two days until he picks me up" says a lot to me. If she's not willing to confess, I'd go to where she is supposed to be and see what's going on. You deserve to know. Also if she is having sex with someone else, that is a potential health risk.
Eddie
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 I think the way you describe it she is cheating. There are rare instances that one would not cheat and have condoms on hand. Hmmmm. oh yeah, if they were teaching sex education. When is the last time you had sex in the sleeping bag? Not for weeks and then all the sudden she is going to give you a treat. She should have given you that treat if that were her intention. Not picking her up when that's your normal routine I'd ask why? If I had a friend that broke up with her boyfriend I would definately help talk her through it either with my fiancee or on the phone during normal hours. I think on the phone after 10:00 at night is not normal hours. If the conversation started at 8:00 that's another story. However, here's the real deal. You need to understand that obviously you have a dilemma and only you can fix it. You can't stop her from doing what she will do but you don't have to put up with sneaking around and causing you undo emotional stress. Good Luck. Ed
...............................
A
reader, Angel-lee +, writes (19 December 2005):
it sounds like she is cheating on you, tell her that things have changed between you two and that you deserve better than to be treated like this. If she loved you she would understand. If things dont change, i would leave the relationship, i know its hard but all these little things are eventually going to ruin the relationship anyway. Bite the bullet before its too late
...............................
|
