A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm finding life a little lonely and sad at the moment without any friends. I'm 21 and live with my partner of 2 years. I can imagine you are probably thinking now "Of course you have friends, EVERYONE has at least one good friend".But I really actually don't.Here is how I got into this predicament;In school I had a small group of friends. The school we were at had a sixth form college, I stayed for sixth form and everyone else left for the local college so I was left pretty much on my own.Over that year they made new friends and I was left behind. The other people in my year I had hardly talked to over the last 6 years and I went into a deep hole of depression and ended up leaving that school to go to another, where I had nothing in common with the people there so subsequently made no friends. I find It very hard to connect with people my own age. I'm not at uni, I don't go out partying or get very drunk, I live with my older partner (he's 33) and I'm just starting out as a Hypnotherapist and Doula. When I have offered to travel to see my old friends, their response is generally "Um yeah ok, yeah we can go out and get totally shit faced".I have had several temporary jobs recently, with the main intention of making friends! But the first one I ended up working on my own in a juice bar and the second with middle aged Indian men who wouldn't speak to me in English!I know that its a cliché saying that I am mature for my age, but I am finding it really quite difficult trying to act my age. I want to find some people who I have something in common with. All the women in my line of work are over 30 and married with 2+ kids. I want children so badly I cry about it sometimes but the other half thinks I'm too young. We agreed to wait till I was 28. It pains me to think that we have to wait that long, I want to be a young energetic mother and I'm worried that because he will be over 40 he wont be able to play around with the kids.I feel like a mother without a child, its a need like no other. I chose to be self employed primarily for the purpose that I can control my own time and make a living from only a couple days work a week.I feel so abnormal. I just want to have some friends who I can watch girly movies with, cook nice meals for and drink good wine. I guess a bit like poker night on desperate housewives! Anyone else experienced this or can give me some tips to find some friends?I would appreciate no criticism on the age gap of me and my partner.
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female
reader, jgflakes +, writes (22 October 2010):
Hey there!!! I you can understand you totaley!! I have moved in the last 5 years 5 times because of my career. As I have not settled I could not make any good friends either. I am missing all the things you are decribing too. If you want someone to talk to give me a shout and we can exchange detail. By the way I am 29 years old and my partnes is 11 years older than me!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Dear So Lonely:You seem to have so MANY good things in your life! You have a partner that you are planning a future with. You have your own career and can make your own money-good money- in two days a week. This leaves three days a week..plus weekends to find something "else" in life to do.I too have friends that have moved into their own circles and whom I don't live anywhere near any longer. You have tried working somewhere to meet people..and that didn't seem to bring about girlfriends you can relate to. Is it possible that you take a class...art? oil painting? Stained glass, ceramics, jazzercize, etc. that you can leisurely meet girls at?Can you volunteer at a hospital? School? Church group? Animal caretaking? The best thing I found to make friends who were real and saw things in reality was ..belive it or not...at a church. I was part of one up in Northern Cal...and we really were a "church family". I didn't think I'd find another church family like that again..but my daughter and I did in Scottsdale, Az too. Now Im in S. Cal where I'm originally from and have to start ALL OVER looking for friends/church/career and need new boyfriend too..as this one has got to GO.Join facebook...and look up some friends of friends. Put in their names...and all their "friends" show up. Maybe some you have totally forgotten about will pop up..their pics will be there..( you probably know all about it). But I found a lot of my middle and high school classmates on there...not that any are still "friends" really..but hey I can recall some good people and see on my facebook page what they are up to.Maybe you have overlooked cousins, inlaws? etc that may be out there..but don't know you'd like to go do some outings. Invite them out for a Starbucks..coffee or tea. Look on the internet in your area for "volunteer positions" Put in the name of your city and check out the sites for community activites. See if you are interested in going to any of them and/or volunteering to help them for one event or once a week..Maybe your boyfriend has some colleagues or friends with some women you could be friends with. We dont' have to be the "same age" as our friends or our mates. My daughter, being an only child has often befriended my friends who could be my age or twice my age. WE eat dinner over at each other's houses..go out to eat..play card games..see one another even though we don't live anywhere near them. There is always email, facebook and skyppe (besides phone!) to stay in touch with our old friends..while making new.Good Luck! You are young and the world is your oyster! PS: Good idea to wait until mid twenties anyway to have the babies..but you SURE do get tired if you wait til the thirties. I had my one and only at 27 and GLAD I did, because the husband DIED four years after that ( we waited four years after we were married to have her). A great idea may be to work one day or two at a childcare center, hospital nursery or with foster kids or kids who need a "big sister"..you could volunteer I'm sure. Then maybe you would find mature-minded (even if YOUNG or OLD) women who you would have some common interests with. I never was the party-type and I went to a university...and had a few good friends. Which they say is so much better than a lot of "aquaintences" that are not really friends. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Indie23  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Firstly, about the issue with children, my uncle is in a relationship with a younger woman and they have two children. He is older than forty and I think he is a great dad, so I personally don't think you have anything to worry about.
I also know what it's like to feel a lot older than people your own age. The only thing I can suggest for making friends is to keep trying. Take a cooking class or a course at your local community college. Sign up for FaceBook and see if you can chat with old friends or even make some new friends. The most important thing is that you are trying and that you really do want to make friends.
I hope everything goes well for you and you can eventually meet some great people.
Indie.
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A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (20 October 2010):
I know what you are going through. Drinking is not my idea of fun, I lost just about everyone I knew in this town when I split with my ex, and my one friend just moved to the other side of the state.
One thing I can add is that, as a stay at home dad, I have zero time to find friends now. I would focus on getting yourself a support group before you decide to have a child that will keep you busy 18 hours a day.
Meeting people your age is going to be hard, because most people your age want to get wasted whenever possible. Meeting people at work is hard because working with you is no guarantee that they are anything like you. School is the same thing, except that everyone is holding on to get free eventually, and you never know how those kinds of friends will turn out.
I would suggest a hobby. If you love animals, start volunteering at a shelter. If you like being outside, find a hiking or biking or something club. Find the kinds of activities you would like to spend time on, and then have fun with people there. Parallel play may be bad for children, but it puts adults in a no-stress setting to interact with other people. If you make friends, let them into the rest of your life. If not, at least you are having fun there.
In the interim, find a friend online. Surf forums of your liking or Facebook or whatever until you find someone you can sit and waste time with chatting in the middle of the night.
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