A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I met this guy at my college in April, and we've been talking and hanging out for the last few months. Things have been going well, and over time I developed feelings for him. I decided to tell him how I felt a couple days ago after we saw a movie.He told me that he kinda got that vibe from me but he couldn't tell for sure, and he was happy that I told him so he didn't have to wonder anymore. Then he said he likes what we've been doing, and he likes that we share a lot of the same qualities, but right now he just wants to get settled and find a real job and get his life together (he just graduated college, and I'm in my sophomore year), so he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. And I told him that I understand his reasoning and that I'll be around for a little while (I'm transferring to a larger University in a year) and that I wasn't trying to rush anything so he can take his time. Then he asked me for a hug. And then he just starts showering me with all these compliments (You look really nice tonight, you're so adorable and sweet, you have so much potential, you're going to do amazing things in the future, etc). And then he made a comment about my eyes and as he said it he tapped my nose like in an affectionate way. After all that he said "You've given me a lot to think about". Then we just had a normal conversation about random stuff for about half an hour, and before I left he asked me for a second hug, and he said he wants to hang out again in the next week or two. So I'm confused. He kinda didn't give me a straight answer about how he feels and left me hanging. Either he was being sincere about what he said, or he was just kindly rejecting me so he didn't hurt my feelings. I don't know which one! Do you think he has feelings for me but wants to wait for a better time, or does he just want to be friends? What is his deal, and what does he want from me? Should I just wait it out for a little while until he's ready, or should I just give up on it and move on?
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female
reader, Just really need a friend +, writes (9 September 2012):
Just make sure you don't sleep with him. He is not promising you anything right now and you don't want to become a fwb when you want to be a gf.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 He has made it clear he is not ready for a relationship at the moment, and has made it clear to you he is happy with the situation you have at the moment i.e. hanging out and spending time together.
He is not trying to brush you off, and I think he wants to be more than friends - just not right now. The timing is all wrong for him, hence why you have given him a lot to think about - it seems to me like he is battling with the girlfriend vs career decision. He obviously likes you, otherwise he wouldnt have been wondering how you felt about him and he wouldnt have said you are adorable etc. I bet if he had met you once he got his job sorted he would have asked you to be his girlfriend at that point and you would be together properly. But because of the bad timing he is a bit torn on what to do, he wont want to lead you on just in case he ends up moving away for a job, but equally he likes you and wants you in his life.
I think what you should do is wait a while and see what happens. You both like each other, and you are happy to keep things casual until he is ready - so try and relax and see what happens. I know that is hard and you would feel so much better if he just told you how he felt, but I think he's trying not to lead you on and get your hopes up by telling you exactly how you feels. As long as you are prepared that there is a chance this might not come to anything but you are ok with that, then just keep going and see what happens.
But if you cant cope with the uncertainty and need to know how he feels now, then its probably best to call it off before you fall for him further.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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