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female
age
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anonymous
writes: I love my guy very much. He loves me very much.After three years he is not even ready to live with me and I am ready to get married.Today I am crying at my house and he is crying at his. because how can two people break up who are so right for each other and love each other so much? But I just can't live separately any longer. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oh joy ;)  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 You need to decide what you want. You say that you don't want to live seperatelly any longer. You don't have that as an option right now. You can either go on the search again and start from scratch with a new man so you can move in together and not have to live alone like you want or you can continue to love him like you do and have him love you back like he does and deal with living under two roofs and enjoy the time that you have with him. You don't know his reason why he's not ready yet or or maybie he never will be ready. You also don't want to force him by breaking up before giving him processing time... Maybie he snores or sings loud in the shower and doesn't want you to know. Or he might just like living alone. hmmm... need more details
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 What explanation does he give you? Surely he's not still "waiting for the right one" at his age?...Seems puzzling to me if he loves you the way you say he does, I don't know why he's holding back. There must be more. You should ask him to explain more fully where he's coming from.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): more details? It really is because of his divorce. He does not really know why but it is related to that. Perhaps fear of starting over, He just know it feels "funny" or wrong or something. But three years, I think he should be better by now.
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female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (18 October 2009):
 As the previous poster said, you have different aims. You two seem to be on different wavelenghts, timelines, etc and that's why a relationship is not sustainable. Perhaps if you'd met at a different point in your life it would have worked out, but as things are now you two seem to want different things.You might love each other but ask yourself if you're willing to give up what you want...he may never be ready. I think that if after 3 years he isn't even ready to live with you he will never be ready to committ to you the way you want.You don't want to waste your life waiting on someone. As impossible as this sounds, I bet there's someone out there who's more right for you than this guy. Only in time you will know.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 Hi What are his reasons for not wanting to live with you?If he's at home crying i'd like to know whats stopping him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Maybe its because you are pressuring him into a marriage he doesnt want. He is doing the right thing hun. I lost the best girlfriend i ever had many years ago because she gave me an ultimatum.And allthough i was committed to her and we were living together the last thing i wanted was to get married. I was only about 21 and a bit wild. There was no way would it have lasted as i wouldnt have been happy losing my freedom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): hey, i was in somewhat a similar situation. i wanted a commitment, an engagement ring after 3 years. he was so involved in building his career that he didnt put me first on his priority list. i ended the relationship but we still kept in touch and were friends. we met up occassionally to keep each other updated and both of us wanted the relationship to work, but the timing wasnt right and he was still figuring out what he wanted out of life. after 6 months apart, we decided to get back together, because we always wanted to be together and the future would work itself out. the only thing you can do in the meantime is to give the relationship time. i realized that i wanted to engaged but wasnt ready for it...what you want might not what you can handle. but remember that if you guys are meant to be, you will find your way back to each other. sometimes you both need to learn to meet each other in the middle. sometimes you dont know what you got until it's gone. in my case its a mixture of all these factors, but we are back together and things are gradually falling into the right place. you need to find out where you stand in the relationship and proceed from there. if you feel that he needs time apart to miss you and appreciate you, then you need to break from him. if he doesnt realize his loss, then you need to move on.
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female
reader, bitch +, writes (18 October 2009):
oh my god, big big hugs to you. I wish I could give you a hug. I don't know how to answer your question. I don't know if some guys are ever ready to really settle down. Some men are and some aren't. It is not your fault in anyway. But if you are ready and he is not, then maybe you both could just take a "break" from your relationship and see what happens. If he cannot stand being without you, he might be able to see that he needs to take the next step in this relationship. Do not let him call you or come over or give in, and see how long he can be without you. This might be a test for you both. But it might help him to see that he cannot live without you and that would mean he is ready to move forward with taking a bigger step.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2009):
You both have different aims and beliefs at this point. Unless he is ready to commit, he won't. If he's not ready, and you don't want to live apart anymore, then it will end. I am sorry. You could sit him down once more and talk to him, but I'm not sure that it will work. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): more details please.
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