A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf/ex (not sure yet) just found out that we were pregnant about a month ago. We have been arguing like crazy lately over stupid things. His actions and the way he acts around me have totally changed. (IE wont cuddle, talk, or do anything with me anymore. He said that he needed some time to think about things, so I gave him as long as he needed to think. He then came back to me saying that he doesn't feel the same about me, meaning he doesnt love me anymore. Said that it started about a month ago, but yet the whole time he is telling me this he's crying. I can see in his eyes that he still does. I think thats he is just scared of becoming a father. I tried talking to him saying that we can work through this together. His response was that he is too much like his father and will never be able to be happy or make a relationship work. He says that he won't even give us another chance to see if things change. I dont' know what to do anymore. Everything was so great up until this. He never even gave me a clue that something was wrong so that we could both try and work on it. I really need some advice. Anyone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ForeverDawn  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 I totally I agree with Sammy You should talk to him about the child apart from the whole relationship issues I don't think the problem is that he doesn't love you maybe the news just took him by surprise he sounds scared and its natural a baby is a big responsibility he is only human try to stay supportive talk to him let him know that you are scared and unsure yourself most first time parents are! Having a baby is a beautiful thing and I believe you guys can work through this! I wish you the best of luck!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 October 2009):
Well look, if he's freaking out, you can't pin all your hopes on getting him back.
You have bigger problems and they are that you are pregnant and probably about to be a single mum.
So you have to forget him for now, tell him to bugger off and you'll let him know about scan dates if he wants to attend etc.
He needs to see what he's losing anyway so this will help you more than if you chase him.
Then you need to work out where you are going to live and how you are going to support you your baby.
Put yourself first and plan for the worst.
It sounds to me like although he was dating you and loved you, he didn't have long term feelings for you. He may feel really bad and may be coming up with excuses about his fathering skills but it's easier for him to blame that than to say "I never had any intention of marrying you and I don't want to be trapped with you by some kid."
If he comes back then it's great, but you HAVE to worry about the practical stuff at this point.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Sammycake +, writes (14 October 2009):
 I think your primary concern at the moment is what you're going to do when your child arrives, if you are indeed planning to keep it. Babies are a *huge* thing, so yes, he is freaking out and is scared about becoming a father. This is another human being that is depending on you for every little thing; he's probably worried about money, whether he'll raise the child right, whether or not the relationship is stable enough to bring a child into the world and many other things, and you should be worried too.
Sit down and have a talk with him and see where he stands on the child, not on the relationship, then make your move from there.
Good luck,
Sammy.
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